


To Hell in a Handbasket

by Lupinewings



Category: Z Nation (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Prison Sex, Public Sex, still zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-16 14:36:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 42,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13638249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lupinewings/pseuds/Lupinewings
Summary: Based on a weird dream I had. May continue if people are interested.





	1. Chapter 1

_ How in the hell did this happen? Gripping fence wire of a freaking prison,AGAIN and having a barely past virgin, barely through puberty young man ramming me in the fence from behind. Christ, I can’t believe this. And 10K shouldn’t be this frigging big, I mean, come on. The kid’s a lithe machine, yeah, but his dick isn’t that big and I should be the one doing him. No, Thomas, don’t--God, that hurt so good. No, no. No way am I getting hard in a prison yard, surrounded by Aryan brother wanna bes, being taken up the ass by some zombie killing kid with incredible eyes. God damn it, 10K, don’t hit that spot again! My dick hasn’t ached this much since high school! _

I feel his hot breath on my neck--he’s almost as tall as me but he’s skinny. He’s giving low groans and christ, I am so fucking hard. I grip the wire so tight, I think it cuts my palms. He smells like the cheap soap here and his fingers are digging into my hips so tight I think I feel bruises forming. I’ve had anal sex before but never as the bottom and I should be the one plowing him. I grind my teeth into my bottom lip to stop the moan from coming from my throat. Jesus, kid, hurry!

He presses his mouth on my neck and I gasp a little. I squeeze my eyes shut, try to think of anything but this hot, sexy ---fuck, 10K! He hits that spot again and I bite down again, feel blood spill down my chin. I will not come in my pants! This is humiliating and sick and where did the kid learn to do _that_?

He comes finally, hard, fast, and I sag against the fence. I feel him pull out, cum spilling down my legs. He yanks up my underwear and pants. He growls--seriously, that’s what it sounds like--to Jackson and Hanes and their toadies and I hear them moving away. Hanes mutters bitch and I just try to hide the largest erection I’ve ever had.

“Murphy?”

I shake my head. “Don’t,” I snap, willing my body to calm down. If he touches me, I will explode. When I finally release the fence, 10K is watching me with concerned, hurt eyes.

“You said…”

“Not here!”

I head towards the shower, trying to walk normally. I hurry inside. In less than a minute, I am in warm water and I can let myself go, jerking off in less than a minute. Afterwards, I feel the ache in my lower back and ass. Tomorrow should be interesting, to say the least. 

The kid is waiting when I emerge, body damp and face full of rage. “You said it was okay!”

“It is! I’m fine! Jesus, relax!”

It’s not until we’re in our bunks that night that I finally speak up. “It was fine. You did great. If I’m your bitch, you do things like that. You did everything right.”

“You were--you were doing it in the shower.”

_ Oh my god, he heard. _

“It’s called masturbation. What, you can shove your dick up my ass but not say masturbate?” I hiss. I can almost feel his blush from here.

“You enjoyed that?”

“Why not, you certainly did!”

“I had to do it!”

“Because you told everyone I was your bitch. Had you just pretended to be mine…”

“What, you’d be the one screwing me in the yard? No thanks!”

We’re hissing at each other in low tones. I get up, stalk to his bed. “Had you simply said you were mine, no one would have challenged that,” I say. “Now I have to play yours so neither of us ends up raped or dead!”

He sits up, glares at me, eyes glittering. I watch his lips move, not hearing his words until he stands up. “What?” I whisper.

“This is your fault! You stole the car!”

“Like you protested!”

“ I am doing what you said I have to do, it’s not like I like it!” That hurts. It shouldn't be it does.

“Bullshit. You fucking begged for it. You didn’t even know what your dick was for until I showed you,” I snap back. “And you better be damn appreciative of the fact I taught you how to use it.” Yeah, giving the kid his first taste of sex via blowjob had been something I would never forget. And to think I could do more, I wanted so much more...

“Screw you!” He stops. “Oh, wait, I have. I’m sorry I’m not some slut who fucks around like you!”

“Screws around? We’ve been travelling for what, three years? Doc is getting laid more than I am!” I stop suddenly, breathe deep. “Look, kid…”

“10K!”

“We’re doing fine but we need to get out of here. You shouldn’t have to do this again.” Even though we should. We should be in some warm bed with me taking that lean body any way I could.

“I couldn’t have been too bad if you had to run to jack off after!”

Fucking hell. He’s freaking because he thinks I’m insulting him. “I mean because we need to get out of here! What happens when my skin starts shedding again? I’m turning blue,” I whisper. “This place will seem like paradise compared to a lab.”

“We’re trying to get you to a lab!”

“And why do you think I leave?”

His eyes are huge in the dim light. I watch his chest rise and fall, study his slightly open lips. God, he is sexy, even in prison garb. “Murphy!”

I wince because it sounded so loud. “Shhh!”

He tilts his head then suddenly grabs me and yanks me to the floor. My knees hit the concrete with a crack and I swallow a yelp. He shoves my face into his crotch and I hear it then--guards going by, guards who will know or figure out our ruse if we don’t play this right. And then tell Jackson and Hanes. Still. I am only playing 10K’s bitch and this will be paid for.

  
  
  
  
  



	2. 2

“Stop it. Rogers, back to your bunk,” a guard orders. I sheepishly slink to my bunk but not before nipping 10K’s inner thigh.

“Asshole,” 10K grumbles. The guards leave and I wait until 10K comes to me. “I’ll look for escape routes,” he says.

“We will.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing stuff for me?”

“You realize this is fake, right?” I whisper. “I am not your actual bitch.”

He kisses me then and my mind spins. He’s a sex newbie but he can kiss and his mouth is warm and wet and I grab him and pull him on top of me. Jerking off is nothing like this, feeling and smelling him, touching his skin. Add in he’s barely 19, he has an incredible recovery time and I run my hands over that amazing ass. In no time, he’s grinding on me, digging his fingers in my shoulders, kissing me harder. I wrap my legs over him, prepare to flip him under me. “No! You can’t! If someone sees…” he whispers.

“Are you kidding?!”

“Just--calm down.”

I thrust up, rub against him as he kisses me, moaning into my mouth. I dig my fingers into his hair. He pushes against me, harder again. “Damn,” I whisper, filling all my blood rush south. If my dick gets any harder, I'll use it to hammer through the walls.

He pushes up my shirt, runs his fingers over the scars. I shudder. It feels good. I’ve hid them as best I could, explained them to anyone who caught a glimpse that I was attacked by a cult in Florida. I know that ruse won’t last long--another reason for us to get out of here--but it’s worked so far, along with false name.

I slide my hand into 10K’s pants, find him already rigid, leaking, and hot. I push down his pants, feel his chest rub against mine as he fumbles with my pants. “Be quiet,” I whisper in his ear as he moans. He nods, bites my shoulder. I inhale, squirm. He drives forward, pushes my legs apart with his knee. He strokes my inner thigh and I jerk. “Kid, you can’t be thinking…” I whisper. He rubs something along his cock.

“Quiet!” He pushes his dick into me at the same time he grabs my cock. “Murphy,” he breathes and I breathe slowly through the burn and pain. Somewhere he had gotten lube. And then he pushes in deeper, harder, thrusts several more times and finds that spot and I pull him tight.

It’s fast, hard, eerily silent because we can’t be found out. I hold him tight, run my hands up and down his back as he kisses me sloppily. Muscle, smooth, warm skin. He shudders as he climaxes, driving me over the edge as well. God, that feels so good!

We lay together for a few minutes, me stroking his hair. Christ, we’ll need showers again and my ass will be on fire but it was worth it. He smells like soap and me and himself. When he finally pulls out and stands up, I’m exhausted. He staggers a little as well, falls asleep immediately. A part of me wishes he’d fall asleep with me but that’s ridiculous. It’s a prison bunk and I barely fit on it.

When I wake up, I ache. I stand up, ignore the faint scent of sex. 10K continues sleeping, even after I shake his shoulder. “Come on,” I say. He gets up in one graceful move and I push back envy. He’s lithe, sleek, a cat or panther. Even at his age, I never was that slender or deft.

In the mess, we eat by ourselves. “Why are there no zs here?” 10K asks. “Why is the North a wasteland but most of the South is okay?”

“They are here,” I say in a low tone. “I can feel it.”

He glances at me, eyes wide. “We need  to get out of here.”

“I know.”

Prison here means work. We help build walls, dragging heavy stones and wood into place. I eye the guards, most creepily armed with whips. We  stick together until  lunch break. Hanes wanders over. “How much?” he asks 10K. I stiffen. 10K glances at him, looking so young I feel my chest ache.

“Pardon?”

“How much? For a night with your bitch there.”

10K blinks, his face shocked and slack. He looks me over then Hanes. “He’s mine,” he says in an off hand way. “I don’t want him dirtied.”

I grin. Hanes backhands me hard, the sound shockingly loud. I stagger back, then charge but 10K has Hanes down, punching him in the stomach. I grab 10K. Shove him behind me. Hanes has 50 pounds and 15 years on him. “No one gets to do that but him,” I state. “Just him.”

“You speak?” Hanes taunts.

“Yeah, I can speak. You don’t get to touch me. Only him.”

“You always hid behind others. Now you protect him? That must be some favor you owe him. Or you just needed a good ass reaming to get you to fall in line.”

Blood fills my face and I can feel the heat. “Leave him alone,” 10K says.

“Whatever.”

“You came from the north.” Jackson appears behind 10K and I step towards him. He ignores me, focuses on 10K. “Are the dead bad?”

“Yeah.” 10K eyes Jackson. “They’re not here?”

“Not in most of the South. Warden didn’t tell you?”

“He mentioned god,” I say.

“You have a mouthy bitch,” Jackson says to 10K in a pleasant way. 10K shrugs.

“He uses it well when I want it.”

I shoot the kid a nasty look. He gives me a cool look in response. I look away, something I have to do to keep up this charade. How is he doing this? He’s pulling this off though. Give the kid kudos for that. We start work again a few minutes later, my fingers bleeding and sore after a few more hours.

That night, I watch 10K for a while. He falls asleep almost immediately. I go stand over him, watch him like so weird psycho. We’ve had a history, he and I. He’s hated me and I always found him annoying and fascinating at the same time. And he is sexy. I always pictured myself as the leader. Maybe I need to remind him of that.

His eyes open suddenly and he gasps. “What are you doing?”

I lean down, breath across his face. “You need to know something, Thomas. While I am willing to play this I’m your bitch game with you, that’s all it is, a game.”

His eyes widen. I lean down, kiss him slowly, softly. He tastes like the mint toothpaste we share. I feel oddly tender, protective, like I want to simply watch over him and chase away his nightmares, be the one he clings to. And he kisses back and I want him in a bed and writhing in passion and I want him to care for me, to want me.

That’s a cold shower, icy in fact. I care for this jerk kid, this man who hates me every other hour.

He kisses me again, wraps his arms around my neck. Yeah, I’ll worry about that later. Right now I need to get us out of here.

We don’t have sex, just cuddle--which could get us both killed. I try to ignore how much I want to protect and care for 10K. After all, it’s nice just to have someone touch me. Honestly, this holding is more intimate than the sex. 10K leans in, kisses me again.

He actually falls asleep. I can’t. I’ve never cared for others much. Still don’t. But Thomas? Shit. I ease him back and lay down on my bunk. I admit I thought he was cute from the first--even though I recognized he was a kid. Lost Garrett, Mack--that hurt but we trudged on. Mack, there was someone who was way too protective. Addy is hot but jesus, Mack wanted to strangle any of us who looked at her. I listen to 10K breathe. Well, ok, maybe he had a point

Picking up Vasquez. Yeah, bad move there. Warren likes him but he’s a jackass. Hard in a lot of ways as more and more areas become infested. A few big cities here in the South do okay but I know, somehow, that’s wrong. Why it hasn’t fallen like the North, who knows? And why do I give a crap?

In the morning, we eat breakfast. I push the grits around my plate, nibble the toast. Of course, 10K dives in. He is thin and at least here, he gets to eat. I note Hanes looking us over and I stare back. 10K ignores everyone, finishes his food and we head towards the work line. “Why haven’t we seen a judge for bail?”

I watch the others, feeling him beside me. “Because there is no real law here,” I say. “There’s scattered cities and these people are in no hurry to let us out. Heck, they’ have two new slaves. No federal system. They have phones and faxes, even internet but they sure aren't helping us. We're slaves, 10K. For now. We need to get out of here. Let’s see if the prison library has computers.”

“Maybe we can contact Citizen Z.”

I roll my eyes. While the Arctic Circle DJ has helped us, he annoys me. I tail 10K to the library at lunch. The ‘librarian’ glowers as we try to work the computer.  “Let me do that,” I say. “You grew up in a cave.”

“I’m not stupid,” he snaps.

“You never even saw porn,” I state quietly.

“Read it. Doc found books.”

“What?!” I look at him. “Old bastard’s holding out on me.”

“You were too busy smoking Z weed.”

I snort. I fiddle with the computer, “Do we have a radio?” 10K asks the librarian.

“Warden does.”

“How much?” I ask.

“What?” 10K asks.

“10 Baby Ruths,” the librarian says.

“10?!”

“It’s the warden’s office,” the librarian states.

I mutter, glance at 10K.  “We need it,” he reminds me.

“Be right back.”

I head to the commissionary. This is easy--quick nip on the person tending and I get a case of Baby Ruths. Funny how my life is so changed and yet now back to what it was pre Z. I walk back to the library.

10K is fighting three people and I can smell the blood. I drop the candy, slam into one. It is fast, hard, and painful. I have no compunction about how or where. I feel bone bend under my hands.

A hand grabs my shoulder and I snarl, whirling. 10K stands behind me, wiping a bloody lip. I don’t know what I look like but he swallows. “‘M ok,” he mutters. “Don’t be stupid.”

I kick one of the men hard in the side. “Tell Hanes I will skin him,” I snap. “This bitch has fangs.” 10K looks mortified. I grab 10 candy bars, give them to the librarian. “Now,” I mutter. “And if you set this up, you are walking dead.”

“Come on.”

He leads us down a hallway to a tiny room. I toss 10K a candy bar. He catches it with a wince. “How bad?”

“Not bad. A few bruises and cuts.”

I clench my hands into fists. “I will eat them.” I whisper. His wide eyes tell me he heard.

“I can take care of myself,” he says. He swallows. “I’m supposed to take care of you.”

“There were three. What did they want?”

“Something about seeing what the North was like. I’m not a kid, Murphy!”

I look him over carefully, inhale. “Fine, Mr. Adult. Let’s call for our taxi.”

“Never been in a taxi.”

“Cavedweller.”


	3. 3

 

10K actually smiles. I feel myself smiling back. He looks so good when he smiles. I am stunned to find myself grabbing his hand. He stares at our hands and I jerk away. “Come on,” I say, shoving my hands in my pocket.  _I am an idiot._

He radios because I’m watching the librarian and the hall. To my amazement, Citizen Z is actually there. “Um, this is ah, kid with bitemark,” 10K stammers. “I’m delivering the package but am kinda lost.”

“10K?” Great, Z, tell them who we are! “Where are you?!”

“Ah, Butterfield. Prison. South Carolina.”

My god, they’re all idiots! 

“I’ll contact the others. Are you all right?”

“Ah, yeah.”

“Is the package safe?” 10K glances at me.

“For the moment,” 10K statws. “I’m protecting it.”

I sigh. "Right," I grunt. " _You're_ protecting me."

“Good, we’ll radio you the new delivery spot.”

“No! I mean, we’re in Butterfield. _In_ in.”

A long pause. Citizen Z must finally be getting it. “Oh. OK. Ah, can you get out?”

I smack my forehead with the heel of my hand, grab the mic. “Get the delivery team here,” I order. “We’ll need help.”

“All right.”

10K grabs my arm. “Gotta go.” I nod and we hurry out, passing the warden.

“Rogers!”

I turn, try to look innocent. It doesn't work. Never does. “Sir?”

“Why aren’t you working? Or you, McGivens?”

“Lunch,” I say. "We were told we could use the library."

“We need our arraignment,” 10K adds.

“That’ll be awhile. Get to work, lazy slaggards!”

“But,” 10K starts. “Ah, yes, sir.”

I grab the warden, bit hard and messy on his wrist. He screeches and I then order him to forget he saw us. “We’ll use him later,” I tell 10K as we leave.

“Jesus, you bit him!”

“Do you want to stay locked up here? We need a way out and he can help.”

“I hate that you can do that!”

“It can save our lives and has,” I remind him. He glares at me. “Look, every time we’re outside, you stare at the fence like some cooped up wolf or mustang. You pace and stare.”

He reddens. “I don’t like being locked up.”

“Well, try it for three years.”

“You broke the law. Fraud wasn’t it?” I feel my face tighten.

“Don’t get high and mighty. From what you mentioned, your whole upbringing was against the law. Didn’t you live on land not yours?”

His face reddens more. “My pa taught me to survive.”

“Good for you. I never had one.” He gives me a baffled look, like I was never a child. I shrug and we hurry away. “If I can nip a few guards, we’ll have the warden transfer us and we’ll escape.”

“Hanes said you were never someone’s bitch before.”

I stop in my tracks, crane my head around. “What? Why are you talking to him?”

“He just said…”

“I wasn’t. Am not. Look, kid, there’s a hierarchy everywhere. I was just part of the masses. Hanes and Jackson, I met them in prison and then they were transferred to a higher security prison.” I try not to smile. “They were found with drugs.”

He peers at me, lips tightening. “Did you do that?” he asks softly.

“They hurt a friend.”  _I didn't have the skills or guts to kill them._

To my surprise, he touches my arm, studies me. I twitch but remain calm. “You don’t talk about prison.”

“Well, common misconceptions aside, it wasn’t a party. Add in being used as a lab rat and left for zombies to chew, yeah, not fun.” He watches until I glance away. I can feel the weight of his gaze and I shift. “Come on. Let’s get back to work.”

Aching, hard, sore. We drag materials into place, building the huge walls I know people think will stop the Zs. I shake my head. I can feel them, distant ‘pokes’ at my brain. I stop, look around. It took over a year to be able to see a Z and not flinch, to realize I could sense them, even later to control them. Now I feel them.

The whip crack makes me screech as fire pain flashes through my back. “Get to work!” a guard yells and I grab a rock, feel my knees shake. 10K leaps to my side.

“You all right?”

“Yeah, get to work before he tears into you.”

I feel the lashmark swelling but it didn’t draw blood. Hurts like hell. I move the rocks, watch 10K. Back at the prison, we sit in the cafeteria, apart from the others. I pick at the stew. It smells like pork. “Think the others miss us?” 10K asks abruptly.

“Course. Christ, it’s you. Doc is probably tearing out his beard, Addy and Warren are planning to siege, and Vasquez is gathering the weapons. When you caught that cold, they hunted down chickens for you.” I try not to let the bitterness show. 10K caught a cold and we searched high and low for everything for him. No one listened when I said I was ill a few weeks later until I began coughing and vomiting. Even then, I was more of a burden and the resentment was clear. I hated them all for a long while after that.

“We got you meds. And you do complain a lot.” I ignore him. “Vasquez apologized.”

“No he didn’t. He got angry because I was sick.”

“You puked on him.”

“Best he’s ever looked.”

10K smiles. “He isn’t that bad looking.”

“What?” I put down my spoon. Stew sucks anyway.

“He’s kind of ok looking.” 10K wolfs his food.

“You did not just tell me you think he’s good looking!”

“I jus…”

“I mean, just who is the one giving you blowjobs here?” I snap, voice low but I hear it shake.

His eyes are huge. “Are you _jealous_?” he whispers. I look away, breathing deep. Yeah, I’m jealous. He should be looking at me. I stalk away. In the cell, I stare at the white ceiling, back throbbing. Why in the hell do I care? I mean, Vasquez isn’t after 10K. A ball of rage flares in my stomach at the thought of him touching 10K. 10K comes in, looking nervous.

“Relax.”

  
“I don’t want Vasquez. I’m just saying he’s OK looking and not as bad as you think.”

“He wants to chain me!”

“He was a cop.”

“Fuck him.”

10K gives this huge gusty sigh. “You really hate him.”

“I hate a lot of people.”

“Do you remember Gideon?”

I blink, think. “The dude who had the talking stick thing? Yeah.”

“He said something about all of us.”

“He said a lot.”

I can feel his stare. “Why do Johnson and Hanes scare you?”

“I’m not scared. I’m not stupid, “ I snap. He studies me “They have followers. They wonder if I’m really yours. Remember, they only think a man screws another man because he has to--they don’t think men can or should have sex with other men unless it’s to prove a point or get a release. They’ve killed actual lovers. This is why I play your bitch.”

He is quiet for a moment. “Did you bite the guards?”

“Not yet.”

“We need to get out.”

“I know that!” I hear my voice raising. “I’m working on it! It’s not as if I like it here!”

“Sorry!” I breathe out at his apology.  “I hate it here.”

“I know. The others are on the way. They won’t leave you here.”

“They’re coming for you too. You’re needed.”

“Great. Guess I should be used to that.”

He mutters and I glare at him. “You are the cure,” he whispers.

“Yeah, Be nice to be seen as a person rather than some goddamn trophy.”

“You complain so much, geez!”

“I've got reasons.”

He actually comes over, stares down with rage in his face. “You are such a complete dick! You have people to care for you, help you.”

“As long as I do what they say. Trust me, Thomas, they make a cure from me and I will be right back in prison.”

“Why would they?”

“Because nobody helps anyone without a reason, kid! No one. Why do you think the southern people here aren’t helping the northern? Because they get nothing from it. Why do you think Warren is so invested in me? Because I have what she wants, not because she likes me.”

“I helped Doc just because.”

“Yeah, there are aberrations.” I sit up, wincing

“You bit Cassandra to save her." He pauses. "Although you did use her afterwards.”

I nod. “I tried to save her. Yeah, I’m an ass but not as bad as you think.”

He looks doubtful and that cuts. I roll over. He runs a hand over my back, near the lash mark. I stiffen but ... It’s odd but really pleasant, soothing even through the shirt. I actually arch a little as his fingers slide under my shirt and over my skin.  It’s sensual but not actually sexual. Yet. I think he’s more curious than anything but it feels so good. He rubs my back a few moments, running a finger along my spine. I utter a weird sound and he does it again.

I fall asleep with him stroking my back.

When I wake up, I go stand over his bunk, push back the tangled hair. He jerks awake and watches me. Crazily, I lean over, kiss him. He smells a tiny bit like stew and a lot like himself. I suck his tongue, nibble his neck. He whines, presses against me. I kiss and suck my way down his lean chest, never breaking skin though I’m fighting every instinct. 10K moans, bites his lower lip to keep himself quiet and it’s so sexy, I nearly come right there. It’s a lot more hurried than I want but we both get off. We straighten our clothes, I wipe my mouth, and are all ‘proper’ when the guards come.


	4. 4

It becomes a weird ass pattern for the next week--working our butts off during the day and a few pawings/hard sex at night. 10K gets better--I mean, practice makes perfect, right? And I really like teaching him. I wish I could show him better--I mean, I’m far better as a top than bottom and also, a little rough stuff is right up my alley. I’d like a decent bed as well. One night, late, late at night when everyone else sleeps, I try a few, little harder nips and 10K responds with the most beautiful moaning I’ve ever heard. I grind against him, mouth his neck and chest.

He’s panting like a dog on a hot summer day, eyes wild and I grin. His heart jackhammers against my lips. I suck long and hard, leaving vibrant hickies. He claws my back until I feel the skin tear. It’s good pain, though. I return to his mouth, plunder it. He pulls back, shoves down his pants and mine, shoves me over the cot, stomach down.. He digs his teeth into my shoulder, breath hot against my neck and when he rams inside me with the finesse of a stampeding rhino, it actually heightens all I’m feeling. I climax as he sucks my shoulder, pants into my ear.  “Damn, 10K!” I clench and he comes, strong, hot. He lays on my back, hot, sweaty until I finally twitch. “Ride’s over,” I whisper.

“You are so tight,” 10K mumbles

To my horror, I actually felt myself flushing. “I need to shower,” I mutter.

“Mmm.” 10K actually dozes along my back.

I feel him fall asleep. “This won’t end well,” I mutter, trying to squirm. He’s in my bed and inside me--yep, so not ending well. I wait a few minutes, gently shake him awake. He kisses my back, slowly withdraws. He covers me with my blanket , kisses me on the lips.

The next day, I feel like my ass is burning and I can’t walk without a faint limp. We work again and I can see the kid is exhausted. Hanes sidles over. “Talk is you rode your bitch hard last night,” he states. 10K shrugs. I grind my teeth. “He’s walking like it,” Hanes continues, shoveling gravel.  “Heard he also enjoyed it.”

“Yeah, so?” 10K asks, lifting his head. His eyes glitter. “I don’t care. As long as I enjoy myself, I don’t care if he does too.”

“That’s not right,” Hanes says.

“Why? I enjoy myself, he likes it. Makes him all the more willing to go to his knees.”

I practically choke. Where did he get that? When did the innocent, naive kid become this sex speaking thug? Hanes stiffens and I straighten up. “‘Sides,” 10K continues. “Are you mad because I can satisfy him?”

“He’s supposedly to satisfy you.”

“He does. He just enjoys having me screw him.”

_Oh, my god. He didn’t say that._

Hanes grunts and glances at me. I stare back, curl my lip. Hanes stares until the guards shout at all of us. I shovel rock next to 10K, studying him. “What are you doing?”

“You said be more aggressive!”

“I didn’t say tell them I give you blowjobs!”

10K looks over, bits his lip, then snort laughs. I roll my eyes. We work on the wall which I already know is going to fail--I mean, what about Zs on the inside? And unless a lot more people help, the wall won’t be be finished. It’s hot, tiring work and we all drag by lunch. The smell of dust and dirt fills the air. 10K picks at his food. “Where are they?” he whispers.

“I don’t know. Can’t believe the warden is off. I need to bite a few guards…” I stop talking as the air in the room shifts. I jolt to the side, shoving 10K who is also moving. Hanes has three men with him. My gaze dart around the room and I know this is not a scuffle--this is a match to ignite the gas. “Kid, get low and run.”

“Can’t leave you.”

“I know prison riots. Just go!”

Hanes barrels toward me. I brace myself and try not to flinch. Despite my confident exterior, I don’t like fighting or pain. I can do it but I’m more of an intellectual. Hanes slam me into the wall and yeah, the place erupts. Racial tensions, disagreements, power plays...I punch Hanes three times, frantically looking for 10K. He’s shoving a much larger man off him and I see red. I claw Hane’s exposed throat, struggle up, and shove 10K’s assailant away. “RUN!” I shout in his face. 10K dodges and takes off. I turn to Hanes, only to meet a hard fist and feel a knife or something jam into my ribs.

My bellow is lost in the howls and yelling in this bedlam. I yank the knife wielder in close, bite his neck. I can only hope to flip a few people to my side. After bite three, I simply want to tear into flesh, eat. I direct my minions in battle, get some breathing room. People shout and crush around me. I attack Hanes with his own people, sidle along a wall. Guards are pouring in, swinging clubs and I go to my knees, half unconscious from one blow.

I stay there, trying to regain my equilibrum. A hand grabs my arm. I look into 10K’s blood streaked face. “Come on,” he whispers. I wobble to my feet, follow him as he weaves through the chaos. We hurry back to our cell. “You’re bleeding.”

“Knife in the ribs, hit on the head.”

“Lift your shirt, let me see.”

“I’m fine.”

10K grabs my shirt, lifts it. His pale skin turns paler. “You need a doctor.”

“Just a cut.”

He shakes his head. “I see bone.”

“Shit.”

He rips a piece of his shirt, presses against the cut. I gasp, look at him. “You need a doctor,” he repeats.

“No one is interested in helping me,” I grunt. I stiffen as footsteps thud. Boots. I shove myself to my feet, shuffle in front of 10K. Three guards stop at the cell next to us and I hear yelps and thuds. I tremble. I know what’s coming. Cries and begging start. 10K inhales. I gesture to him. I have this. I know the routine.

The three step into our cell. “Seems someone has an owie,” one states.

“Rogers, Rogers. You instigated this.”

“No,” 10K says. I twist my neck, glare at him.

“I didn’t instigate it,” I say. “I was jumped.”

The tallest one hits me on the side of the knee and I fall. “Fuck!” Light dances in front of my eyes. “Don’t,” I choke out, looking at 10K. Let them think I’m begging.

“Why should we believe you?” A guard grabs my hair. Christ, is every guard a damn sadist or what? I inhale, shrink down.

“I can prove it,” I mutter. “Let me show you.” _Please don’t be raging homophobes. Please be like every other asshole, all wanting someone to suck them off._

One laughs, hands his club to one of the other guards. He’s middle aged, lean, and has one of the nastiest smiles I’ve ever seen. “Good enough.” He begins unbuckling his belt.

“Christ, Michaels, are you kidding?!”

“Hanes says Rogers here can suck the chrome off a bumper. We might as well get some fun out of it.” He grabs my hair again. “Bite me, even think it, and you’ll be eating through a tube,” he threatens. I nod. “You two wait outside the cell for your turn, make sure no one gets close.” They step outside. He lowers his pants, cock already hardening. I crawl closer, put my mouth near his thigh. He smells sweaty and soapy. At least he showers. I turn my head and sink my teeth into his thigh. He starts to scream but I order him to be silent. “Michaels you ok?”

“Oh, hell yeah,” he groans as I order him and I stand up. I step silently to the open cell down, jerk another guard inside and bite his shoulder. 10K rushed past me, knocks the other one down and I chomp his hand. All three line up in front of me, eyes glassy. “Geez, Murphy,” 10K muttered. “I thought you actually were…” he stops.

“No,” I growl.

“Now what?”

“We leave. After I get a few bandages and you get the gear.”

In an hour, I am stitched, bandaged, and we are hurriedly escorted out the prison gates. We’re both dressed as correctional officers. The prison is in full lock down and it takes some serious biting to get by. “My jaw hurts,” I complain. 10K rolls his eyes. I stand in the parking lot and tell the six occupanying guards to press their car keys. “That one,” 10K says, pointing to a truck. He looks weird in a uniform but we got out OK. He clutches his rifle close.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s four door so the others can fit and we can load it.”

“We can just go alone,” I suggest. He glares. “Come on.”

 I order the guards to forget about us, take their wallets and slide behind the wheel. We drive off, 10K looking nervously around.

“We’ll need more supplies.”

“Let’s load up.”

We stock the truck with food, medicines, and ammunition. I grab lube, condoms, pads and tampons--the ladies will need them. We also buy a CB radio. Not my cash being spent. I check my side--sore but it’ll heal--the prison doc stitched it well. I drive until I spot a decent looking hotel. “We’ll be coming to the end of the civilized zone soon,” I state. “It’s nearly night. Let’s get some hot food and a good bed.”

“The others..”

“They’re fine. We’ll radio tomorrow.” He looks unconvinced. “A bed and hot food.”

We eat, tear into steak and potatoes. The bed is huge. I kiss him and he kisses back. Here he can moan. We can make all kinds of noise. I grin--oh, yeah, I’ll make him moan.

We have the most incredible night I could imagine. I get to indulge myself fully--It's my turn. I top, show him the pleasures of being taken. He’s whimpering and tight and I nearly pass out from the feeling. It’s amazing and  soon he’s clawing my back as I find his prostate. I try to be gentle--I mean, kid hasn't done this before and I know to go slow. Just not too slow. It's not like he's been gentle to my ass. I help him fall apart, thrust deep and hard. He cries out my name and it’s heaven. He finishes first. We lie together a few moments, 10K gasping. This is how it should be, me on top. Then he jumps me, shoves me down and takes over. I figure why not?  I’m flexible and it feels fantastic. But I’m not his bitch anymore. And I can take my time now, show him things we couldn’t do in prison.

God, he feels like warm silk and muscle. I can’t stop touching him or kissing him and he gives it all right back. It’s him, all about him, and when we finally stop, both sweat slick and exhausted, I press my lips against his neck. He wraps around me and falls asleep in my arms. God, I hope this never ends.

It doesn’t end. It fucking explodes.

I’m actually happy that morning, waking up with his smell all around me and his warm body next to me. He’s still sleeping. I shower first, changing into some clothes we’d bought. Nothing fancy but sturdy and clean.  10K wakes while I dress and he stumbles to the shower. I get our stuff together, grab some food, and offer him some when he comes from the bathroom.

“Let’s go.”

“Eat first.”

“Not hungry. Let’s go.”

I set the food aside, stomach clenching. He’s a stormcloud, dark and broody. I inhale, lean over to kiss him and he shoves me away. Hard. “I’ll be outside.”

Yeah, this is bad. I slowly follow him to the truck where he is on the CB, trying to raise Citizen Z, I guess. “They’re on the way,” he states, not looking at me.

I nod. “OK. So are you going to tell me why you’re being a prick or do I need to guess?”

The kid _lunges_ at me, seriously lunges. He slams into me with all his weight and I topple backwards. Asphalt and gravel dig into my back. Rage is everywhere but I can’t for the life of me figure out why. He sprawls on top of me, eyes glowing, ribs heaving. “Don’t you get it? We’re not in prison!”

Confusion fills me. “Well, that explains our freedom.”

“We got out yesterday!”

“I know!”

“We had sex last night!”

“And it was fantastic. What is the issue?”

“We weren’t in prison!” His voice breaks and he scrambles up. “I slept with you and I didn’t need to. I only screwed you in prison because I had to. Then last night, we didn’t have to and we did!”

Pain begin radiating in my chest. I stand up, feeling my knees shake. “Thomas…”

“10K!”

“Look, sex between us is amazing. I mean, we both enjoy it, so why the freak out?” _Please, please. Stop. It’s like the zombies are tearing into me again._

“Because I hate you! Why don’t you get that? You’re a monster and I willingly--no. Never again. Don’t ever touch me again. And we are never talking about this. Ever! Not between us or to the others.”

_The teeth are in my rib cage, crunching to my still beating heart._

He stares at me, wild eyed and furious and all I can feel is pain. Pain all around me, spiking through my chest. I don’t think I can breathe. I finally manage to walk a few steps and he pushes past me. “Come on,” he orders. He stalks off, rattling car handles. We were going to swap vehicles, just in case.

I watch him leave, stand there with the invisible zombies biting through my flesh. I hear a weird rushing and thumping and I watch him get smaller. I can’t do this. I know it’s stupid to give a damn--after all, it’ll never be returned--and I can’t, won’t play along. If I want to survive, it’s got to be about me. My chest heaves. Breathing is taking all the effort I can manage.

He turns, yells something and I don’t move. He’s often taken point so me being behind isn’t unusual. I see a blue car approaching him, slowing down, and I tense. A white haired man leaps out and  grabs him in a hug. Doc, of course. 10K is surrounded in an instant by the others and I get into the truck. They love him. And that’s good. Kid needs a family. I start the engine and peel off.

He’ll be okay. They’ll all be all right. They have each other. Maybe they can stop here, get a breather before the crash comes. They need each other.

Me, I’m going to be fine. On my own, which is what is best. Prison--life-- taught me long ago I don’t need family or friends.  Heck, I’ll rule the world if I play this right.

The invisible zombies keep chewing.


	5. 5

_I remember my mother one night trying to console my older sister. My sister was 19, I was 15. Her boyfriend had broken up with her and she was convinced her world was over._   _Mother had held her until the sobs choked to a halt. Then my mother has said “En amour, il y a toujours celui qui donne les baisers et celui qui tend la joue.” My sister stared at her and I edged closer. “It translates to ‘In love, there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek.’ Honey, you loved this man more than he loves you. Don’t ever let that happen again. Always, always make sure they love you more. That doesn’t mean use them but make sure you are more loved than you love him.”_

My mother didn’t get a lot right but that she did.

Not that I’m in love or anything. But I cared and now I’m realizing just how stupid I am. Caring for people is crazy--because we all are looking out for ourselves in the end. Make sure they care more--because caring too much makes your chest ache and invisible zombies chew your bones. 

I spend the next five weeks wandering, trying to make a plan. City after city falls as the zombies wake. Whatever protected the South--I think it was weather, maybe--is gone. I knew the zombies would get here--I felt them. And I feel them now, so much hunger and power. I watch as the Zs destroy all they can, like the North. I don’t feel anything inside and that’s good. Well, I try not to--I mean, I only helped that one stupid village because I needed food and then I saw that girl’s kitten. Nice to know I have people now--I’m their messiah. I don’t stay, though. I discover I don’t want people around. They would have given me everything and still I leave quickly. I don't want dependents. I'm tired of being used. And I am just fine on my own. Then I find Edgar. I don’t know why I found him but I heard the screams and I slog over. He’s hurt, I can see that, but he’s tough, ready to tackle anything. I stare down at him, shoo away the nearby zombies. His eyes glitter, reminding me of 10K, and he snarls.

“Tough guy,” I say and his ears twitch. I must sound raspy--I don’t talk much. No one but me and the Zs around anyway. I reach out a hand and he sniffs it then lets loose with one of those woman like screams. “Easy!” I see his foot is in a trap. “Let me help.”

He is a fox--a blue grey fox with some white spots and one upright ear and one half floppy. I release his leg, scoop him up in my arms. He’s thin, soft, and smells like dirt. “I’m guessing you weren’t wild,” I say. A soft tongue licks my chin. 

In the late 1950s, Russians worked on domesticating foxes. It was an experiment and they actually did it. They kept that ‘experiment’ going over 60 years, until the zombies woke. I remember reading about it in a magazine in the prison library when I was first incarcerated. I have no idea if this fox is one of those but I don’t care. I find a small creek and we both wash up. I wrap the torn leg. His color almost matches my new skin color.  Yeah, shedding that sucked. “Come on, kid,” I say, handing him some jerky.

When I was a kid, we had a cat. My mom called him Edmund. Edmund was solid, steady. I call the fox Edgar. In less than a week, we have a routine. He actually catches some birds, some rats. I clean the birds, roast them. He can keep the mice and rats although I worry about the virus. But he has to eat. He travels well. If not in the beat up Jeep I have, he rides in my backpack and sometimes runs beside me. His weak leg gets stronger but it may never be perfect. The first night he curls up beside me, i jerk away but my fingers find his fur. He's warm, comforting. I talk to him and he listens, ears twitching. He also talks back in yips and barks. He continues to sleep beside me at night and I find my fingers in his fur a lot. He starts filling the void inside my chest. Maybe I fill a void for him too. He likes to be by me, watch me.

We travel another few weeks or so,  becoming a pretty good team. Power and running water is still around in a lot of places. We come to a large town. Zombies wander everywhere and I order them aside. This is getting so easy for me. Marks of survivors as well--graffiti, warnings, notes scrawled on building walls. The car radio sputters and I twist the knobs. “...Zs are everywhere. If you, however, come across a man named Murphy, he is the only known survivor of zombie attacks and he carries the only possible cure. Do not, repeat, do not hurt him! He must be taken alive to a lab where a cure can be made for all. To anyone who finds him and delivers him to said lab, you and yours will be the first to get the cure…”

“Son of a bitch! This is what happens, Edgar! Everyone just uses everyone!”

Edgar yips.

“Fuck him, god damn it!” I inhale, breath in. “At least he doesn’t know about the skin change. Come on, Edgar.”  The radio comes to life again.

"Murphy, if you can hear this, you're needed. You can save the world. Find a radio, a computer, something. A team will get you. The labs are waiting!"

"Yeah, makes me want to sign right up," I snort. Edgar tilts his head, watching me. "This way."

The library stands, cool, large and only a few Zs roam.  I check out the computers. “Still has power. Let’s do some work.” As Citizen Z pointed out, satellites are still up. So is the internet--it's simply not updated. I am searching for self sufficient places, with solar power and/or hydro. Edgar sniffs around, snapping up a few mice.  A muscled cat races past us. I order the Zs to leave it alone as I scribble in a notebook. After several hours of research,, we  leave, Edgar in the backpack. We scavenge in a grocery store, loading the Jeep with canned goods and processed foods. I even find some snack cakes. "We need to learn how to make chocolate," I tell Edgar. "Or bite someone who knows. I should have bit the population of Hershey, Pennsylvania."

We hole up in a small house. Hardest part of traveling is sleeping. Edgar keeps decent watch but it’s not perfect. He curls up beside me here and goes to sleep. Little bastard snores some but it's actually comforting. I try not to think of the others. I may not like them much--besides Thomas and Doc--but sometimes it’s nice to have people around. I got used to them. I wonder if they're all right then I glance at Edgar. He’s better than people. And safer.

10K, Thomas, enters my dreams again and I wake up with an aching cock and heart.  I scramble up, gather our gear, stroke Edgar. He nudges my hand. We drive into the night, end up in a patch of wood as I berate myself. I’m acting like I’m some heartbroken idiot. The kid hates me and while he’s a good lay, so what? Love is for weaklings, I tell myself. I sleep finally, Edgar's head on my shoulder. 

Roaming the woods the next night, I smell smoke. Edgar darts to me, presses against my leg. I put him in the backpack, try to move quietly. I sense a few Zs. Creeping through the woods, I pull my hat down tight. I find six people sitting around a campfire. One leaps up as I near. “Just passing by,” I say. “Thought I would ask to sit by the fire.”

“Who are you?” a man demands, shifting his rifle.

“Name’s Rogers.” I step a little into the firelight. The rifle doesn’t waver.

“Don’t cotton much to strangers around here,” another man states, his accent thicker than Georgia mud.

“Understandable,” I say. “I’ll leave.”

“You can sit if you like,” a quiet voice says. I look at the speaker. She gestures. “We still are hospitable.”

“We’ll shoot you in a blink if you try anything.”

“Fair enough.” I sit down and warm a little by the fire. Edgar huddles in the backpack, growling very faintly.

“You’re from the North,” Rifleman says.

“Yes.”

“That’s what brought the virus,” someone says, voice rising. “Northerners!”

“Enough, Jake,” another female voice speaks up.

“We know what caused it,” one of the men says.

I rub my hands together. Yeah, this will be good. “Who’s responsible?” I ask. _Let me guess. Government. Mad scientist._

“The gays!”

_Of course._

“Paul, jesus.” One of the women speak up. “The gays didn’t cause this.”

“God was vengeful…”

Yeah. I stand up to leave. Until someone pipes up “We have the Murphy to save us.”

“The Murphy?” I blurt. All eyes turn to me.

“He’s the one man who survived zombie bites,” a man informs me.

“You’ve never heard of him?” Jake asks.

“Rumors.” I watch them all.

“That’s what we’ve heard.” Rifleman poked the fire. “He carries the cure, they say, can control 100 Zs at a time.”

“Really?” I glance at him.

“A Northerner said he’s selecting people for his tribe,” the anti gay freak states. “Those people are the ones who won’t be attacked by Zs, never be turned into a Z. They are his chosen.”

“They’re taking him to a lab to get the cure for everyone,” a woman says.

“He’s roaming around free,” the fourth man speaks. “That’s why Citizen Z is looking for him. I wish we’d find him. We could get the cure too.”

“I hear no chains can hold him,” someone states.

“I heard he can levitate,” I say, voice so dry it nearly crackles. I feel Edgar squirming. “What would you do with him?”

“Get him to the labs,” Rifleman says. “Save the world.”

“And if he says no?”

They all look confused. “This is humanity,” one of the women say.

“He needs to,” Jake adds.

“We all have kids, Mister. They need a cure.”

“And what will you give up for that? If the Murphy is caught, are you willingly to give up your kids if that’s what is needed?”

“Our kids are the reason we survived.  This man can save them all. We’ll be free.”

“And what about him?” They again just stare. “What if his life is in the balance?”

“It’s all of us--one life isn’t that much to ask,” the older woman says.

“Then you’ll sacrifice your kids for the greater good?” She glares at me. Yeah, just what I thought. Everyone uses everyone. Easy to sacrifice when you're not the one being tossed into the fires or tied down on the altar slab. Or sent to the labs.

“Humanity,” Rifle starts. I glance up at the stars.

“Ever think humanity isn’t worth it?” They watch me suspiciously and I sigh.  “Thank you for the use of your fire.” I walk off, trying to lose myself in the trees very quickly. I find my Jeep, put Edgar on the seat. “Yeah, they all want me,” I mutter. I pet Edgar’s head. “I don’t even know why I did that. It’s not like it’s anything new.”

We drive off, make our way down the road quite a way before I feel safe. Then I sleep in in the jeep, wrapped in a blanket and with Edgar beside me.

Next morning, we explore a little--Edgar goes hunting and I pack up our gear.  I walk the woods a little, use a tree for a urinal.

A sharp pain in my thigh as I zip and I look down to see a dart. “Fuck!” I rip it out, start running.  Tranq rifle. Sonofabitch. Frigging yokels are better equipped than i thought!

I wake up in a moving vehicle, try to assess what’s going on. I play dead for a moment. “His skin peeled,” comes a voice. Warren?

“I said he was going blue.”

Thomas.

I look at my hand and my mind screams. _Edgar!_

“Where’s Edgar?!”

My shout must terrify them for some reason becomes the car swerves dramatically. “He’s awake already?” Vasquez yells.

“Where’s Edgar? Take me back! You left him behind!!!”

“Murphy!”

“Edgar!!!”

  
I twist, hit the car door, and yank on the handle. I hit the asphalt and pain blazes through my left leg. The world goes black for a heartbeat. The vehicle screeches to a stop about 40 feet away as I struggle up, dragging my leg. I whistle frantically, turn on the others. “Where are we? You left Edgar behind!”

“Who’s Edgar?” Addy asks. She looks thinner, dirty.

“Your leg,” Doc states. “You may have broke it.”

“I need to get back! I need to find Edgar! Why didn’t you leave me alone?”

Warren stares at me. I stagger, glaring at all of them. “We’ll find him,” Warren soothes.

“Get the fucking hell away! You left Edgar!”

“Murphy!”

“Dude, we need to look at your leg. We’ll take you back, ok, find him,” Doc says.

“How far away are we?”

“About ten miles,” Vazquez said. “You woke up way too fast.”

I stumble a few feet, agony bursting through my leg, centered below my knee. “We’ll find him,” Warren assures. She reaches out to pat my shoulder and I move away, gasping for air.

“He doesn’t know you!” I twist my head around.

“10K?”

“I didn’t see anyone but Murphy.” 10K stares at me. "Who's Edgar?" His voice is harsh.

“Take me back and leave me alone!”

Addy brings the car around and we drive back slowly, me clutching the door handle. I ignore any questions but allow Doc to hastily wrap a crude bandage,on my leg. Addy drives to a spot I recognize and I stumble into the woods, screaming Edgar’s name. I sense Zs but mentally send them fleeing. I whistle. 10K hands me a long branch. "Use it," he orders. "Who's Edgar?" I shrug, limp to the Jeep, grab my water bottle and gulp. Inhaling deeply, I whistle again. Birds answers, the smell of rain on the wind, but no scamper of feet, no darting blue body.

I stagger forward, calling. The team follows me like a pack of hounds. I stop periodically and listen, feeling my chest burn How did this furry mite become so vital? I feel my legs shaking. Then, finally, a faint rustle and I slide down to the ground. Edgar appears, running for all his worth, and launches himself at my torso. I hug him close, bury my face in his fur. He is panting and wriggling, clearly exhausted and all his heart shining in his eyes. “Edgar,” I whisper once. Relief floods me, a wave so strong it tries to pour from my eyes. My friend is alive, safe. He licks my face, paws my chest, and I breathe again.


	6. 6

“A cat? We traveled here for a damn _cat_?”

“Shut up, Vasquez!” Addy bends close. I can feel her warmth, know her smell.

“It’s not a cat,” Doc said. He sounds baffled.

“A fucking Chihuahua then! Who cares?”

“He’s a fox,” 10K states. “You tamed a fox.” There’s an odd note in his voice. Relief? Surprise?

I nod, breathe out again, not looking up from Edgar’s fur. He presses his nose against my neck and I run a hand over his head. He trembles, whimpers once or twice. I can only imagine he thought I left him. “He’s my hunting partner and alarm clock,” I say. _He’s my friend. He missed me._  I grip Edgar tight,concentrate on controlling myself. I  lift my head after a moment. “Now leave us alone.”

“Murphy, you need help.” Addy says. She touches me and Edgar growls. I push her hand away. I try to stand, placing Edgar on the ground. He immediately leans against my leg. 10K grabs my arm and helps me. Pain screams along my nerves.

“Just leave. I’m not interesting in saving the world.” I  feel my legs shaking and I sit on the Jeep’s passenger seat, unable to stand. Edgar tugs my pant leg, barks. “Huh. Caught something, did you?” He barks again, paws me.

“You need help,” 10K says. “Your leg needs wrapping.”

“And whose fault is that?” I glare at the group.

“It’s your fault!” Vasquez erupts. “We’ve spent over two months trying to find you!  How many people could have been saved in the past two months but no, you’re out here playing Grizzly Adams with a fox!”

“Vasquez.” Warren touches his arm and he shrugs her off.

“No!  Look at him! It’s a fox! He jumped from a moving car for a fox! Do you think he’d do anything like that for us? We can’t even get his lazy ass to help us gather food!”

I clench my hands into fists. “Who asked you to find me?” I demand.

“You have a job. One lousy job and we aren’t risking our lives for nothing. You hold the only cure.”

“I don’t care.” Rage shoots through my every pore. “I’m not your servant.”

“You’re a waste of skin! 10 weeks looking for your sorry carcass and…”

“I don’t care! Leave me alone! You’re parasites, the lot of you, draining and out to get whatever you can from me.” I lean down, pick Edgar up into my arms. He squirms, licks my chin.

“Hush!”

10K and Doc are both looking around. I stretch out my senses. Zs, around 15 or so, a ways off. Edgar growls and I set him down on the seat. “We got company,” 10K states.

“Puppies and kittens?”

“No,” Addy says. “Humans.”

“We’re friendly,” Doc calls out.

“Good. We’re here for the blue man.” I roll my eyes. I know that voice. Anti gay freak Paul from the other night. Edgar’s growl is getting louder.

“He’s not going with you,” 10K says in a thick, dark voice.

“He’s ours,” Addy adds.

“Not any more.” A man stalks forward, dressed in camo, and smelling--bad.

“Seriously, there is still running water. Try a shower,” I snap. “Jake, isn’t it?”

“Aren’t you mouthy,” he states. “We’ll take care of that.”

“We found the Murphy last night,” another man asserts. Rifleman. “He’s ours.”

“I found you,” I correct. “And I’m not going with anyone.”

“We’re taking him to the lab,” Vasquez says.

“We need him to save us,” a woman says, carrying a rifle as well. “He doesn’t need to be whole but he does need to be alive.”

“We’ll get him there. He’s been with us a long time,” Warren states.

“Too long.” Paul stalks forward. “You obviously can’t control him. We’ll take him in.”

“Is everyone deaf? I’m not going.”

“You don’t know Murphy.” Warren steps near me.

“Don’t need to. Just need to get him to the lab. We have a stock truck we can use. If it can hold a 2000 lb bull, it can hold whatever he is.”

Crackles of hot fury sizzle through me. _Whatever he is._ I feel 10K shift, know he’s gripping his rifle. Edgar leaps down, bristling and teeth shining white. The idiot in camo points his rifle.

“Shoot and you’ll never walk again.”

That everyone hears. I don’t know what it sounds like but Jake looks at me. Terror flashes in his eyes. I reach out mentally, feel zombies around.

“Murphy!”

I pull the zombies closer, feel where each one is and start to move them back and forth.

“All we want is him,” one says.

“Murphy don’t!” Addy states. She must see the zombies. Her eyes are wide. She grips her bat tightly. 10K grabs Edgar and puts him in the Jeep.

“You want me, fine,” I rasp out. “Six ambling up the road, four on the left, 15 about a quarter  mile away.”

“Murphy!” Doc sounds frightened. I look at him.

“Let me show you what I can do,” I grind out.

I send the nearest six zombies into a run. “Christ, Murphy,” Doc begs.  “Don’t man.”

“He threatened my friend.” I stare at Paul and Jake. “Not 100 but enough to end you.”

“Give us the blue man and we’ll go.” Rifleman stares at Warren.

“Look behind you, damn it!” Addy shouts. One turns, inhales at the row of zombies shambling towards them.

“Let him go, Jake! We got zombies!”

“I’m going to have them chew you each very slowly,” I say. “Bite by bite. They can rip on your entrails while you’re still alive. Maybe you’ll hear them crunching through your ribs. Or feel their fingers claw apart your stomach.”

10K touches my shoulder. “Don’t, Murphy,” he blurts. I turn my head just an inch or so to glance at him. “Murphy, don’t!”

“They want me. I’ll show them what they’re getting.” I feel my face stiffening. “I’m a monster, remember? So be it!”

He looks as if I stabbed him. I feel the power, the rage. I want this. To hear them scream, to watch the zombies chew them apart. To let them experience what I did, if only for a moment. I halt all the zombies. “You have five minutes,” I choke out. The Zs are restless, slavering and more are coming.

“Run!” Addy yells.

They break and the Zs moan after them. I watch from the Jeep, leg throbbing. The smell of zombie rot and damp woods fill my nose. Edgar nudges my hand and  10K reaches out, touches my arm. For an insane moment, I think he’s reaching for me because he cares, because I mean something to him. Then he whispers “Don’t kill them.”

I feel my face hardening further.  He gazes at me. “You need care,” Doc states.

“I’m fine.”

“Look, we can find a place to wrap it,” Doc says.

“Edgar wants me to follow him.” Indeed, Edgar is tugging my pant leg.

“It’s a goddamn animal, Murphy!” Vasquez blows.

“Stop it!” Addy steps in front of Edgar, a fact I appreciate. “Murphy, where is his stash?”

“Edgar, get the stuff,” I say. He bounces away then halts, looking at me. I try to stand, bite back a gasp.  My vision blurs. I release the Zs, let them run after the far ahead group.

“Stay seated,” Doc orders. Addy chirrups and Edgar darts away, watching her. She follows and comes back with a large turkey and two chickens. Edgar is at her side, leaping up at the chicken.

“He caught that?” Warren asks in surprise.

“He found a farm, most likely. Plenty of stuff still around. Zs aren’t all over.” Edgar leaps into the Jeep. Doc gets in the Jeep. “Get out!”

“Dude, enough. We will help you. And fight about the rest later.” Warren nods at him.

10K climbs in the back of the Jeep and I grumble. Doc drives slowly until we find a decent house. I try to sense Zs, don’t. “No Zs,” I state quietly.

Warren and Vasquez check on the house. All the utilities still work which doesn’t surprise me and I am helped into a nice living room with a recliner. I sit, muscles and bones aching. “I’ll clean the birds,” 10K says.

“Edgar gets the hearts and livers raw. He also gets a turkey drumstick. After it’s roasted, that is. I’ll pull the meat off. No cooked bones but he can eat raw bones.”

“OK.” 10K nods.

“Are you kidding?” Vasquez asks. “Spoiled little beast.”

“He caught them, didn’t he?”

Doc begins to examine my leg and finally I pass out, Edgar beside me. When I wake, my leg is bandaged and splinted, I wear clean clothes, and Edgar looks suspiciously clean. The smell of roasting turkey fills the house. I reach out and he nudges my hand.

“He’s your buddy.”

I stiffen at 10K’s voice. “He is,” I say. “He’s loyal. And while he does want something from me, it’s simple affection and food.” I look over and 10K is flinching, looking hurt. I try not to let that affect me. He hates me anyway. Why is he acting like he gives a damn?

“We’re having a Thanksgiving dinner. Addy and Vasquez are cooking, Doc’s in that huge garden, and Warren is bathing.”

“Really? You’re okay to eat with a freak?”

He turns brick red, winces again. “We can’t talk here,” he mumbles, looking at the floor. “Not really. But I was wrong and I am sorry.”

“Of course we can’t talk,” I mock. “Gods forbid anyone know I rocked your frigging world. I’m only the beast in the closet.” His head jerks and he glares. I curl my lip, look away.

“I said I was wrong.”

“I’m leaving.” I struggle up and 10K pushes me back as sweat beads along my back.

“You’ll die out there alone.”

“I have Edgar.”

Frustration fills his face. “He’s a little small to protect you.”

“Why do you care? You hate me, remember?”

“You’re an ass. I missed you.” He reaches out, hand to my face, so close I can feel the warmth. I try not to lean towards him. His fingers graze my cheek. My throat clenches and a whimper slips through my lips.

“Murphy?” Addy calls.

10K jerks, jolts to his feet, walks away. Inside, it feels as if the zombie teeth are back, eating, tearing. Son of a bitch, I’m fine. Mortified but fine. Edgar trills and I stroke him. I don’t even realize I’m weeping until a tear falls in Edgar’s fur. I can’t remember when I last cried. I brush my hand over my face, note I’m clean shaven. Edgar licks my chin, laps away the tear track.

“Murphy, you hungry?” Dinner won’t be ready for a while but here’s a snack.” I look up. Addy comes in with a steaming bowl. “We even have bread and butter. It was frozen. The butter, that is. Doc made the bread.”

I note she’s clean and in in different clothes. “Thanks.” I eat the soup while Edgar bounces around the room. It’s homemade which surprises me. Addy sits beside me. “What?”

“What happened in the prison?”

“Nothing. Why?” I tear into the bread.

“10K won’t talk about it.”

“So?

“At all.”

“He was fine.”

“Did you protect him?”

“Of course. I mean, grown men all need protectors, right? No, no one hurt _him_ , okay?” I give a piece of bread to Edgar. She watches me. To my surprise, she reaches over, runs a hand along my jaw. I yank aside, slapping her hand hard.

“Wow. You’ve been through hell, haven’t you?” she whispers.

“Maybe if people stop attacking me and having their radio boyfriends send the world hunting for me, I’d be all right!”

“Citizen Z wanted to find you and we didn’t know about what he planned. I’m glad 10K saw you.”

“That makes one of us.” I eyeball her, finish my bread. I try to stand, yell out. Addy grabs my arm and 10K appears at my side, holding me upright. “What the hell? It hurts more now!”

“Doc said it’s probably cracked but it’s straight now and should heal.”

“We got you a set of crutches,” 10K said.

“Just get me to the bathroom.”

I get the knack of using the crutches and realize I can move all right. Edgar follows me. Vasquez and Doc are in the kitchen. I ignore them, limp to get a glass of water. I hobble around, finally settle with a book and Edgar. 10K sharpens a knife in the same room. We’re comfortable in the silence but I find  myself looking at him.

The meal is excellent. We all eat well. Everyone shares a thanksgiving story save me and the kid and it’s weirdly homey. I watch 10K pick at the yams, looking suspicious and I grin. I reach down, pet Edgar. “Your little muff there is strange for a wild animal,” Vasquez says.

“He’s a damn sight more useful than you,” I state. “And he fits in the Jeep better.”

“We should get an RV,” Vasquez says to Warren.

“Be easier with all of us,” Doc agrees.

“Everyone ok with that?” Warren asks, looking at me. I eat some salad.

“Why look at me? I’m not going with you.”

The tension skyrockets. I continue eating. “Murphy,” Warren sighs.

I put my fork down. “No. I’m not your property. I don’t care.”

“There’s a lab in Atlanta, one in Houston!”

“No.”

“We can take you in shackles,” Vasquez says.

“I can have 50 Zs here in an hour and point them all at you.”

Everyone stares. “Should I get a ruler?” Warren asked drily. “Vasquez, enough. Murphy, you have a mission.”

“Fuck that and you.”

Total silence. Warren slowly stands and I follow suit. Until my leg spasms and I fall slightly into the table. “Damn it!”

“You need help,” Doc states.

“I’m all right.”

“We didn’t spend three years and lives for you to quit,” Warren states.

“Hammond left me to be chewed apart. Garrett wasn’t my fault, I wasn’t near Mack when he died, and I am way more talented than I was before. Let the world fall. I’ll be good.”

“And other people?” Addy asks hotly.

“Not my worry.”

“You’re injured,” Warren reminds me.

“You caused that. I don’t need you. I have Edgar.”

“He’s a fox!”

“Yeah and the only one not hellbent on using me,” I retort.

“Murphy,” Doc sighs. “Let’s all relax. We got food, clean clothes, power. Murphy needs to rest that leg and we can gather supplies.”

We have an uneasy truce. I settle on the couch with my book and Edgar. A pillow and blanket help later that evening. I wake in the middle of the night with pain pulsating through my leg. “Son of a…

“Here.”

A gentle hand caressing my forehead, handing me water and pills. I blink. “10K?”

“Doc said you’d hurt.”

“Why are you here?”

He shrugs. “I told you I was wrong and we needed to talk.” I sit up and turn on a lamp. He blinks, looking very young and somewhat lost. I inhale shakily.

“What, kid?”

“Come with us.”

“I’m no one’s prisoner. Never again.”

“Just until your leg is healed. And then, if you want to go…” He swallows. “I’ll make sure you’re free.”

I blink. “Yeah, sure, “ I scoff. “And then what? You somehow can stand me now?”

“I said I was sorry!” He glares. “And, yeah, I, ah...you know, if you had hung around, we could have talked this out.”

“No. You very specifically stated you’d never talk about it. Do you plan on telling the others about me?” He stares. “That’s what I thought. Sorry, not interested in being your secret shame,” I sneer.

“You keep thinking I’m embarrassed by you!”

“Aren’t you?” He shakes his head but looks away, face red. Bitterness fills my mouth. “It’s all right,” I mutter. “Get some sleep, kid.”

“Will you?”

“What?”

“Stay.”

“Go to sleep.” I snap off the light and lay awake. I hear him rustle and then leave. _Please don’t go._ Edgar squirms up to my face. I stroke him. _The zombies are still eating me._


	7. 7

 

Edgar wakes me from a nightmare laden sleep by a sharp yip and pawing. Moisture damps my ribs and I smell iron. I look down. Blood spots my shirt. I lift my shirt and tremble. Blood seeps from a long healed bite, where Zs chewed through part of my ribs. There’s a permanent soft spot there as the ribs didn’t regrow completely. That chew hole is bloody again and I inhale. My skin quivers. I reach to touch it and see my fingers are caked with dried blood. I clawed myself? I stagger out of bed, grab my crutches to get to the bathroom. I wash my side, my hands, take off the shirt. Not so bad when the blood is cleared away but I place a washcloth against it until the bleeding stops. I find a clean T-shirt and limp to the back yard. I watch Edgar run and sniff. “You’re an open target here” comes Addy’s voice.

“I’m all right.”

“Did you sleep at all? You have black hollows for eyes.” I shrug, watch Edgar. “Murphy, jesus. What the hell happened?”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Of course we do. We’re f--”

“No, we’re not.” I finally turn, look at her. Her eyes are bright. “We’re not friends. We’re not family. We’re nothing except prisoner and guards.” Hurt fills her face.  _ Don’t Don’t you dare. You don’t care for me. I’m your vaccine, that’s all. _

“I care.”

“Since when?” I hobble off, Edgar racing after me. In the house, I look for the Jeep keys. “We have to go, Edgar. They’ll skin you and chain me.”

“No, we like the fox,” Doc teases. Edgar walks over to him. 

“Leave him alone,” I tell Doc as he stoops to pet him. Doc pets Edgar anyway and then glances at me.

“No one wants to take him from you.”

“He’s  _ mine _ .” A wave of possessiveness fills me. " _Mine."_

Doc gives me one of the saddest looks I’ve seen. “Oh, man, I wish I could heal you and whatever you’re thinking.”

“Give me my damn keys!”

  
“Murphy, I can’t do that.” I roll my eyes. 

“Fine.”  I make a few sandwiches, put them in my backpack. Edgar hops in and I struggle into it. I walk out the door--well, hobble out. “Murphy, damn it, “ Doc says. 

“Bye, Doc.”

I stop as Warren and Vasquez block me. “Out of the way,” I order.

“Murphy…”

“Out of the way!”

Edgar snarls beside my ear. I reach up, stroke him and he stops. 

“We need you,” Warren repeats. “The world needs you. Everywhere has become infested.”

“Told you so. I don’t care, Warren. Let the place burn.”

“Damn you!” Vasquez curses.

“Fuck you, you obsessive twat. You only want to get revenge and I’m the selfish one? This is my choice, not yours.” I see 10K nervously moving but ignore him. “I’ve helped everyone here. Party’s over and I am gone.” They all look pissed but then again,I’m enraged. “The monster is tired of being your plaything.”

Vasquez steps forward and I stiffen. I’m lame and at a serious disadvantage. Edgar snarls. Then 10K steps in the middle of everything. “Get out of the way,” Vasquez orders. 

“Leave him be.” I narrow my eyes.

“Murphy.”

His voice, pitched very low to my ears, hits something inside me. I turn to 10K, to focus on him. His eyes gleam and he looks nervous but determined. He licks his lips, steps to me, tilts his head slightly and kisses me.

My stomach flips. The kiss is not only unexpected but shocking. It’s tender and sweet and underneath is passion and fire. I shake when he pulls his mouth from mine, realize I’ve wrapped my arms around his waist.  He’s got his arms around me as well, one around my waist, the other around my neck, hand cupping my head. He finally pulls away slightly, smiling. I gaze at him, kiss him back, making the kiss deeper, less sweet and more fire. He feels so good against me.

“What the hell?”

10K gently presses his hands against my chest, steps back yet grabs my hand, face turning pink. “Murphy and I well, we--we’re, ah, he’s my--we’re together,”  he stammers. 

“You can’t say lover?” I whisper. 

He grins. “Shut up, Murphy.” He squeezes my hand. I kiss him fast, just for the smile.

“Did this happen in prison?” Warren asks.

“Can we go inside and talk about this?” Doc asks. “I found some frozen bacon. And coffee.”

We go back inside, Addy smirking as 10K helps me in. Edgar bounds to Doc and then Doc whips up breakfast. I settle in ‘my’ recliner, 10K perches on the sofa next to me. “What happened?” Warren asks, giving Vasquez a look. He grunts.

“Murphy became my bitch,” 10K starts.

“Christ,” I say, rubbing my temples with one hand as Vasquez coughs and then begins howling with laughter. Addy gapes. “Long story short. Prison inmates are used as slave labor. Some knew me. 10K said he wasn’t my bitch, that if anyone was the bitch , it’s me. We roleplayed so we would live.”

“I would pay to see that,” Warren says with a smile.

“They believed it?” Addy asks as Doc hands out food.

“They did after I…” 10K pauses as I kick him swiftly in the ankle. “Ow. After I punched someone for him.” He stares at me.

Well, beats saying ‘after I fucked him in the prison yard’.

“So you two are boyfriends? Warren asks.

“Yes.” I blink at 10K’s firm tone. 

“How old is he, Murphy?” Vasquez asks.

“He’s an adult. And I never touch anyone sexually without their consent,” I hotly say. “I never force anyone.”

“He didn’t force me,” 10K states.

“It’s creepy,” Vasquez mutters. “You’re what 18, 19? And Murphy is 40.”

“I’m not 40!”

“Fine, 39.”

“I’m 33,” I snap. Yeah, we have a little age difference. So? Edgar comes over and hops into my lap.

“We’ve been looking for you because you two had a fight?” Addy asks.

10K looks at me and I shrug. “We have to figure things out,” he says. 

“He’s mine, I’m his,” I say. 

Warren looks skeptical but I glare at her. “I assume this means you with us?” she asks.

10K looks at me, eyes pleading, face filled with hope, and my fingers clench in Edgar’s fur. “I can hang around awhile,” I say in an offhand tone. “Least till my leg is healed and 10K and I figure out stuff.”

“We can’t stay here long,” Addy says. “Another few days or so. And where are we going?”

“There has to be a few labs still around,” Doc says.

I frown. 10K glances at me. “Let’s get hold of Citizen Z,” Addy suggests. 

In the end, we decide to look for a small RV, get supplies. I move to the couch, 10K beside me. Warren leaves us so the four can scavenge.  I smile at 10K who blushes. “Boyfriends?” I say.

“What name should we use?”

“Lovers?”

He turns fuschia and I laugh. We actually snuggle, me wrapping my arm around him. “So you staying?”

“You said you’d set me free if I say so.” He nods. “Well, all right then.”  _ I can’t believe I’m doing this, trusting him. _

“All right.”

“Help me to the bedroom,” I say.

“Why?” I look at him. “You don’t have to…”

“Who said I’m bottoming?”

He snorts but stands up, grasping my hand. “You did play my bitch.”

“It was a game.” I limp towards the bedroom. “And you like when I top.” He turns red again.

“Your leg…”

“We’ll work around it. You’re flexible and I’m creative.”

He kisses, hot and desperate and wanton. Being able to touch him again, that is incredible. Funny how all my rules (Think of yourself first!) all fly out the window with him. We do have to try a few positions since my leg is hurt. I have lube (yes for scrounging skills!) and we rut like animals in heat. 

When we finally slow down, sweat slick skin on sweaty skin, he caresses me, tracing scars. I run my hands over his shoulders.  “You are amazing,” I murmur.

“Thanks.” He rests his head on my shoulder, smelling of sex and us. I breathe slowly, nuzzling close to him. He falls asleep, holding me. I fall asleep, waking only when someone knocks loudly. 

“Change the sheets!”


	8. 8

Edgar is waiting after we shower and change the sheets. The team studiously ignores 10K’s arm around my waist. “It’s still weird,” Addy says. “I mean, I can see Murphy mooning over 10K--he has for awhile--but I d---”

“What?” I interrupt. “I didn’t moon over anyone!” _She noticed?_

“Yes, you did,” Warren sighs.

10K looks at me. “They’re crazy,” I mutter. My neck heats up.

“You liked me before?”

“Yes, I spent three years wandering just so you would look at me,” I shoot back.”Not like I’m a grown man or anything.” I twitch internally. I did watch him a bit and well, yeah, he’s been a main attractant, irritant. No one should have seen or noticed anything. My leg spasms and it shoots up my back. Damn, I think I strained something making love with 10K. I have to hide it because no way will I admit I hurt myself having sex.

“We met your friend, Reverend Grey,” Doc says.

“Who?”

“Reverend Grey,” Addy states. I look at her. “Tall black man, scar down his face?” She runs a finger over her cheek.

“That’s Chris Jones. He’s a con man. He’s no ordained priest. It’s a good con, though. He always talked about getting in on it.”  I frown. “Where did you meet him?”

“Outside the village of Hamlin,” Doc said. “He’s a preacher, Murphy, no joke.”

“Hamlin. Near Slood.”

“Sniper and Julia,” 10K said.

“That village that thinks you’re god,” Vasquez mutters.

“I saved them,” I remind. “I am their messiah. And that’s how you found my trail? Did they tell you? How? I told them not to tell.” _My commands don't work?_

“You named the kitten Sniper,” Warren says. “We figured out it was you. Add in the fact Zs don’t bother them at all.”

“ _I_ didn’t name anything, I suggested a name. He has goggles.”

“You named him after 10K?” Addy asks. I squint at her.

“Julia was grateful I saved them. Obviously I shouldn’t have bothered.” Edgar chirps and hops onto my lap.

“You bit every person, made them your slave,” Vasquez says.

“They asked for my help. I  told them the cost.”

“Talk about deals with the devil,” Vasquez mutters.

“Anyway,” Doc interrupts. “He’s Reverend Grey and wanted us to pass you his best wishes and to come find him when we found you.”

“He can rot,” I reply. “He wasn’t my friend. We knew each other and kept out of each other’s way.”

“He’s a good man,” Warren says.

“No, he’s not,” I state. “He’d slice your throat for a quarter.”

“He’s your friend,” 10K says.

“No, we were friendly to each other. We certainly didn’t trust one another. He’s a man I knew, that’s all.” I pause. I won’t say what Jones and I did a few times--I mean, I owed him a favor, he wanted a blowjob. We knew each other a little, respected each other some. I twitch. Why is my prison life suddenly in the forefront? Doc starts chatting about someone and how they found a radio and talked to Citizen Z. “Did you tell him you found me?” I blurt.

“He’s looking for intact labs,” Warren says.

“How about asking me?” I snap and Edgar gives an odd growl. “This is my choice! Did you think I want that man sending the world after me?”

“Can I hold Edgar?” 10K asks as the fox growls.

I stroke Edgar, slowly hand him to 10K. Edgar settles down. “He’s a weird fox,” 10K says.

“Probably domesticated,” I say.

Talk shifts to domesticated foxes and Edgar.  I listen, watch 10K from time to time. That night, I get one of the three bedrooms. 10K settles in with me, Edgar on a chair. I stretch alongside 10K, cuddle him close. “The reverend and I talked about you,” he whispers as I breathe in his scent.

I groan, pulling the soft blue blanket tight. “Why?” I kiss his neck.

“I needed to know some things.” He flips over and looks at me, stares into my eyes.

“Like what?”

“He never said you were friends. He said he knew you. I asked questions.” He shrugs. “He’s a priest.”

“He is not! So what did you want to know?” 10K turns red and I inhale. “You didn’t tell him about prison!”

“I had to know! I mean…” 10K swallows. “It was like confessional. And he said--he said he couldn’t believe that because you would never allow anyone to do what I did, that you would give blowjobs but never allow anyone to um, take you because that required trust.”  His cheeks flared. “Were...were you, ah, a virgin? I mean, not sex wise but um, sex like that? Was I your, ah, first? The first to take you?”

I feel blood rushing along my neck. “Go to sleep, Thomas,” I say, trying to sound calm.

“Was I?” I roll my eyes, kiss him. He simply pulls away, watches me. I roll over as best I can. “Murphy?”

“Does it matter?” I sourly ask.

“Yeah.”

I sigh, unwilling to share this part of myself. “Go to sleep.” His hands run over my back. I arch into his touch. “Yes,” I mutter through clenched teeth. “You are the only one.”

The caresses stop for a minute then he breathes on my neck. “Oh.” I simply wait for him to do something. He strokes my back, traces lines over my skin. I relax into his touch, groan a little. 10K massages my shoulders. I turn over again, wrap around him.

He sleeps first and I bury my face in my hair, trying not to shake. Tears burn my eyes and I can feel the zombies tearing at me again. I care--too fucking much. I’ve never felt for anyone like this. And this is going to break me. Jones was fucking right. I don’t trust because people aren’t trustworthy. And yet, I care for Thomas. And the others. I should leave before this rips me to shred.

He moves, embraces me in his sleep, and I feel myself falling. God I’m an idiot. Mom would be disappointed I didn’t learn. _Always make sure he loves you more._

I don’t sleep a wink.

I get up before the sun rises, stumble and hop to the bathroom. I clean up, shave. 10K sleeps like a sprawled cat, hair mussed. My chest aches. I kiss his temple and Edgar whines. He paws my leg and I take him outside where he runs around the yard. I note he still limps a bit. It’s cold enough for me to see my breath and I sense Zs a distance away. Leaves rattle in the breeze.

I look at Edgar. He pounces, grabs some mouse and gulps it. I wait for him to finish. He bounces around, brings me a stick. I smile a little. He needs me. I pet his head, stroke the silken hair behind his ears. We go inside and I make some instant cocoa. It helps a little. Edgar nudges my hand and we watch the sun rise.

“You’re up early.” I nod at Doc’s voice. “10K?”

“Sleeping still.”

“Huh. All right. Did you make coffee? Enjoy it while we have it.”

“No, I didn’t.”

Doc looks me over. “You look a little rough there, Murphy.”

“Look in the mirror. At least I shaved.”

“Ouch.” He starts coffee. “You know, as long as we’re alone, 10K--treat him decently, Murphy.”

I grind my teeth. “He’s an adult,” I snarl. “We’re both adults.”

“He’s a young man with precious little experience. He’s never been with anyone before romantically, never been in love--you’ve been around the block.”

“Fine,” I spit out.

“Look, I’m watching out for him. We’re family and we do that.”

“Stop. Stop with the friends and family crap. We’re not.”

“I consider myself your friend.”

“So tell me,” I snap. “Did you give 10K the ‘don’t hurt him’ speech?” He looks poleaxed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Funny how everyone is going to tell me to treat him right but my feelings and needs are never considered.”

Doc blinks. “Wow. It really is default for you, isn’t it?” He looks at Edgar. “You think of yourself a lot, Murphy.”

“No one else will.”

I get up, hobble to the bathroom. Edgar tails after me. I stare in the mirror. I’m right--no one else will put me first but me. After a long while, I go to the couch, hissing in pain. Doc appears with painkillers and breakfast. “Good thing about the apocalpyse hitting late here, plenty of food and drugs. Take some.”

“Thanks.”

“About before, you’ve had a lot of experience 10K hasn’t. You’ve been in love, had sex, know life.”

“I guess,” I admit, eating steadily. Old bastard can cook. I won’t enlighten him on being in love before. I haven’t, not really. I mean, not like I feel for 10K.

“He hadn’t even seen porn.”

“Yeah, bone to pick, Doc. You found porn and didn’t share.”

“You like pictures rather than words. I found stories.” I snort. “I’m sorry that you feel---”

“Don’t,” I state. “I’m fine. I’m always fine.”

“I want you to walk a bit today, go outside. Exercise.”

“Isn’t sex exercise?”

He winces and I grin. I finish my food, go to wash my plate and utensils. When the rest of the team gets up, I’m outside walking with Edgar. My leg throbs and I know I’ll be popping painkillers. I pull an apple from the tree and rub it against my shirt. I eat slowly, hobble to a bench. Edgar settles on my feet.  

Addy and Doc find a snug little RV. I’m loathe to part with the Jeep but reluctantly do so. We travel slowly the next few days as my leg won’t hande long travels. 10K and I walk a bit to strengthen it or Doc and I do and Edgar proves he loves chicken. I still don’t sleep, not really. 10K is sweet (well, as much as he can be), and gentle with me and I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. One morning we stop for gas and I sit outside after limping after Edgar. He hunts.

“We can go see your friend.”

I look at Addy, blink. “Huh?”

“The reverend?”

“He’s not a friend.” I glance at her. “I don’t have friends.”

“You have 10K.”

“We’re lovers, yeah. Like you and Mack.”

She blinks and I feel guilty. “I miss him,” she says quietly.

“I’m sorry.”

She gives me a sad smile. “Thank you.” She sits beside me. “You look like hell.” She reaches out a hand, runs fingers over my eyes and brow. I flinch and pull away. “Come here.”

It’s an order but a gentle one. I narrow my eyes, allow her to embrace me. She strokes my neck, my hair, just for a moment or two. It’s nice to have someone touch me. I sigh a little. Then I stand. She looks up at me. I read concern, worry and maybe some affection. “Weight of the world is on you, huh?” she murmurs.

_Of course. Save the world, Murphy._

I whistle for Edgar and stumble back to the RV, gripping the crutches close. Inside, I dose myself with alcohol and painkillers, fall asleep with Edgar in the bed. My leg feels on fire.

Pain along my cheek, shouting in my ear. “Get up!” Hands shake me and then--

I scream, agony exploding in my leg. My arms flail and my vision turns red black. My stomach flips and I feel vomit rising in my throat. I retch, heave, find myself dragged upwards, After vomiting into a bucket for an interminable amount of time, I fall against the wall. I shake horribly. “What the fuck?” I rasp. “Where’s Edgar?”

“He’s out with Addy,” Warren says. I blink at her. “Come on, I’ll help you outside.”

I try to stand and my leg gives out completely. Warren grabs me and Vasquez appears, drags me out of the door. “You stink,” he mutters as he half carries me to a chair someone set up under a tree. “Doc, get some water and clean clothes. Someone hose him while we clean the RV.”

“Edgar?”

“He’s here.” Addy and 10K appear in my blurry vision.

“What happened?” I reach out, feel 10K grab my hand.

“You tell us,” 10K states, voice furious for some reason. I shrug.

“How many painkillers?” Doc asks.

I simply stare at him. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I grunt, making the connection. “I didn’t try to kill myself! I hurt, okay? And it’s worse now!”

“You have been broody,” Doc says.

“I hurt! And what is going on with my leg?”

“You wouldn’t wake,” Addy explains. “We hit your wound and you woke.”

“Son of a bitch. Did you break it again?!”

I feel 10K’s fingers tighten and I look at him. He’s still holding my hand. “You didn’t wake,” he stammers.

“Were you worried or hopeful?’ I crack.  The hurt in his face shocks me and he yanks his hand away.

“Asshole!”

“Look, I hurt…” I pause. it smells of trees and woods here. But I mainly smell vomit. “I need clothes and a shower.”

“You do stink.”

I end up in a river, scrubbing myself and changing into clean clothes. This is a campground of some kind and soon I smell roasting meat. Edgar runs toward the smell. I follow, moving painfully through the trees. I spot the team near a grill. Vasquez stands with 10K. “You know you can,” he’s saying. “Murphy listens to you. Good work on saving those people.”

“Murphy didn’t hurt them.”

“He would have. I’m impressed he stopped for you.”

“I asked him not to hurt them yes but for him, not them.”

“Look, 10K, he’s a raving lunatic. You can direct him. He likes you.”

“I’m not going to use him.” 10K glares at Vasquez.

“He trusts you,” Vasquez says. “Look, I know he makes your dick hard and happy and all but hear me out. Just keep him on a short leash, keep him happy until we get to the lab. That’s not using. You’re...together. So work that. Find out what keeps him from going psycho.”

“He’s my boyfriend, not someone I control.”

“You said he roleplayed your bitch. Use that.”

“I’m not forcing him into anything!”

“That’s this whole mission! The whole world rests on his back. We need a lab and someone to make a vaccine. He’s the cure. You know that!”

“I’m not forcing him!”

  
My heart aches. He cares. A thrill runs through me, an electric currant of emotion.

“Leave it, Vasquez. Murphy isn’t that bad.” That’s Doc. “He’s selfish as hell, yeah, but he cares for 10K, that’s what matters. And he comes through in the end.”

“He cares for the fox more than us.”

“Edgar isn’t trying to imprison him in a lab,” Warren sighs. “He has a point.”

Everyone looks at her. “Chief?”

“I’m not saying the mission is wrong, it isn’t. But Murphy is the sacrificial bull here. I recognize that.”

_Yet still you’ll take me to slaughter. Thanks Roberta!_

“So what do we do?” 10K asks.

“Nothing,” Vasquez states harshly. “He’s the chosen one. For some reason, the vaccine works with him.”

Leaves rustle around me and I fight an urge to run. Somewhere out in the world has to be a place I can be me, have people care for me without using me. I snort. I am delusionial. People don’t do that. We all use each other. I watch Edgar run to them and then back to me. They look guilty--all of them. I limp forward, ignoring the looks. I can feel my skin twitching, like ants skittering over my skin. “Smells good,” I mutter.

“Murphy, we…” I hold up a hand and Doc stops.

“I get it, Doc. I know what I am, always have. Prisoner and guards, remember?”

“You’re not a prisoner.” 10K comes over to me. He hugs me quickly, odd because he does it rarely.

“Yeah, kid, I am.” I grip his shoulder. “I said I’d stay until my leg heals.”

“Murphy,” Addy starts. I look at her. “You’re not a prisoner.”

“So I imagined you hunting me and tracking me?”

She flushes. “We need you.”

I nod. “But not for me, only for parts.” 10K’s hand tightens on my arm. “I’m all right, 10K. I knew this a long time ago.”

“I’m not apologizing,” Warren states, “You’re the only hope we have.”

I nod. I fix a burger, pick at it while Edgar leans against my leg. He enjoys the grilling scraps while we all eat but we mainly avoid eye contact. “We should get moving,” Vasquez grunts.

“Where to?” Addy asks. “Z still hasn’t found an open lab.”

“He hasn’t but he will,” Warren says.

I reach down, stroke Edgar.

  
“I’ll go with him,” 10K says as he finished a burger.

“Go where?’ Doc asked.

“With Murphy. I’ll go to the lab with him.”

I blink. “What?”

He shrugs, licking his lips and my dick twitches. “I am going with you to the lab.”

“The hell you are,” Vasquez blurted.

“I can do what I want!”

“Easy,” Warren orders. “Let’s relax. First thing is we find a lab and check it out. We’re not dumping Murphy into a cage, all right?”

I blink again, pick up Edgar. I’m confused, in so many ways. In the RV, smelling of cleaner, we all take seats and I try to sleep, leg throbbing. 10K soon dozes against me and I rest an arm around him. Inside, I feel--swirled. It’s the only explanation. Thomas can’t want to go with me. I mean, he cares, I know now, but this is too odd. 

What now?


	9. Chapter 9

When I wake up, it’s because the RV  has halted and it’s dark.Everyone sleeps excpt Doc. I nod to him, take Edgar outside. Cool winds tug at us and I watch Edgar and the stars. Edgar runs around. Doc joins me after a few minutes. “You can’t allow him.”

I look at Doc, bite back my anger. “What?” 

“10K. You can’t let him go to the lab.” I feel the rage rising. If I’m to be a lab rat, I should, at the least, be allowed to have my mate with me. “Just listen,” Doc continues. “10K hates being penned. And what will happen to him?”

“He’s not the one to be used, remember?”

“He’ll die in there, Murphy. You know that. He’s too footloose, too wild.”

“We all adjust,” I say.

“Locking him up will destroy him.”

“He’ll survive. We’ll be together.”

Doc looks at me and I turn away, despising the pity I see. “He hated prison, right?” I ignore him. “You can’t ask that of him.” I look at him and he hold up a hand. “No, it’s not right we’re asking that of you, either. But Murphy, there’s no way we can’t do that to you.”

“Sure you can. Don’t take me anywhere I don’t want to go.”

Doc gives me a look. “You have the cure.”

“And I’ll share. But you have to take the cure I have now.”

Doc shakes his head and then unexpectedly hugs me. I freeze, lick my lips. “I know you feel we’re taking everything,” Doc says quietly. “That no one thinks of you. But…”

“But you’ll still be okay with me being forced to go somewhere I don’t want to,” I snap. “Wardens and prisoner.”

“The needs of the many…” Doc started.

“Yeah, saw the movie. Except you forgot Kirk would give up anything for Spock.”

Doc frowns and I hobble away, unable to bear that look. I sit and play with Edgar. Finally I doze off, Edgar snuggling beside me. I jerk awake a few minutes later when 10K creeps from the shadows.

“Hey.” I nod at him. He sits beside me. “Z called. Found a lab.”

“Of course he did.”

“It’s in Texas. Beaumont.”

“Great.”

“We’ll be ok,” he states.

I look at him. “No,” I reply. “You’re not going in .”

He scrunches his forehead, stares at me. “Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I don’t want you there,” I snap. “If I end up there, you need to be free. To take care of Edgar.”

“Edgar can come with us.”

“No, I’m not giving people anyone to use against me.”

10K blinks. “I can--”

“No, goddamn it! If I end up there, your job is to get me out. Care for Edgar and save me. That’s it!”

“Who died and made you king?”

“The people who made me a lab rat!”

We glare at each other. Edgar mutters and nudges my hand. “It’s all right,” I say, petting him and calming down. “Besides, I won’t go there anyway.”

“Your leg…”

“I’m just saying I plan to cash in on your promise, Thomas. I won’t be imprisoned again.”

“Murphy, jesus,....”

“Why do you want me in a cell?”

He looks horrified. “I don’t! I want you to save the world!”

“What about me?”

It sound pathetic and it is but I need to watch his face, see just what he thinks of me. He looks confused and worried and a touch ashamed. His incredible eyes darken, he bites his lower lip.Then he grabs my hand. “I,,,” He squeezes my hand.

“Doesn’t matter.” I sigh, stomach sinking. 10K leans against me.

“Yes, it does. You matter.”

“Come with me,” I whisper. “We’ll find a place that’s self powered--solar and wind or hydro. We’ll be fine.”

His eyes widen. “What about the others?” he asks.

“They can come if they want." Yeah, I do care about them. I guess. 

“And other people?”

 “What about them?”

He gives me a look. “They deserve better.”

“So do I. So _did_ I.” He gives me a sad look, so reminscient of Doc I blink. He doesn’t answer but he kisses me. I run my hand over him and pull him tight against me. We sit together, Edgar running around us. He stands finally, helps me to my feet. We curl up in the RV.

“I can’t believe you want to leave me,” he whispers as if to himself.

“I can’t believe you won’t come with me," I respond. 10K buries his head in my chest.

We sleep snuggled together, my fingers in his.

The next few weeks I spend trying to heal my leg. 10K and I don’t talk of that night but he’s edgy. I understand that. One day we raid a grocery store. As I pick over the canned foods, Edgar hunts for mice. Doc plunders the pharmacy. I find some chocolate bars, eat one quickly. When we return to the RV, pushing two loaded carts, everyone looks guilty and I tense. Edgar runs to 10K who gives him a treat. “We found a lot,” Doc says. “What’s wrong?”

“We’ll talk on the road,” Warren orders. We load the RV and I keep looking at 10K. He ignores me, plays with Edgar and my stomach clenches. Addy drives, her hands tight on the wheel. Vasquez sits by me, gesturing to 10K to sit behind us. I glare at him but then press against the window. “What is it?” I snap. Warren, in the passenger front side chair, turns to look at me.

“We heard from Z,” Warren states. “The lab is intact and waiting for us.” I note the us. Ha. As if. They’re waiting for me. None of these people are going on the slab

“So why the long faces?” Doc asks.

Warren inhales. “The lab had to move, set up somewhere else protected.”

“OK,” I say. “So where are we headed?”

“Same town. They constructed the lab in a nearby protected area.”

“Yes?”

“It’s in a prison, Murphy.”

I don’t know what to do, so I do nothing. I stare at her and the others. “It’s logical,” Vasquez said. “High walls, fences, security…”

“Hell, no!” I find my voice. “No. _Not happening_ , Warren.”

“Murphy, calm,” she starts.

“No! I am not going to a prison!”

“Murphy, it’s going to be all right,” Doc says.

I turn on him. “This is non negotiable. I will not go to a prison!”

A hand touches my shoulder and I turn to look at 10K. He squeezes my shoulder. “OK,” he agrees. “No prison.”

“He goes where the lab is,” Vasquez responds.

“I am not your property,” I snap. “I’m not going!”

“We’ll check it out first,” Warren assures me.

“Not happening!”

“Man up,” Vasquez growls.

I can feel rage and panic rising. 10K squeezes my shoulder again. I breathe out. Edgar yips at me, getting up from the cubbyhole he has claimed as his. Warren pats his back. “No,” I say again quietly.

The ensuing arguments and persuasions make my head throb. I ignore them after awhile, lean against the window with Edgar in my lap. I try to sleep but end up merely listening to the wheels drone. I know now why Vasquez is here beside me-he’s head guard. I stroke Edgar, dig my fingers in his fur. We will have to run. And I don’t think 10K will come with me.

My chest tightens. I can’t leave him. Yet, I can’t go to prison. No matter what I do, no matter my choice, no matter which way I turn,  I lose. Edgar falls asleep in my arms. I pet his ears. My side burns and I swear I hear swallowing and feel blood trickling. “Murphy?”

I look around and Addy is watching me in the mirror. “It’ll be all right,” she whispers.

I don’t reply.


	10. 10

We travel the next week either in silence or arguments. Vasquez stays glued to my side which doesn't help either of us. 10K and I do get to slip away a little at night, hold each other in the dark. One night we stop, rest in an old motel. Rooms are useable and there’s a well. I wash, scrub down, shave. 10K slips in.

He doesn’t speak, just kisses me. I grasp him, yank him close. This may be the last time I get to be with him. I take my time, breathe in his scent, try to etch him into memory through skin and sound and taste. I roll him under me, spend the night making him cry out my name over and over. He’s beautiful as he breaks apart, as I make him lose control. He claws my skin and it adds to the excitement. Tonight he’s mine and I drink him in like a man dying of thirst. When I let him sleep at long last, I stay awake, holding him. The pale cream walls, the faded blue blanket, I stare at them all. I won’t let this vanish--this is one of the memories I will return to again and again. I’ll remember I was somewhat happy here. I feel a tear drip down my face. I’ll be all right. I have to be.

I doze finally, my nose in his hair. I wake to lips on my neck, gently kissing down to my scars. 10K runs his fingers over my skin. I gasp and he kisses me, sucking my tongue. He tastes of mint toothpaste and us and I reach over to pull him to me. Instead, he straddles me, stroking along my ribs and arms. He keeps kissing and I think I whine, arching off the bed. Where did he learn that?

He is in charge and for some reason, I let him, let him touch and caress until every cell screams for him and I’m gasping. He watches me with his incredible eyes and keeps touching, teasing. How he can move after last night, I have no idea. I made him call out my name and swear until he was hoarse. Now I hold him tighter and tighter, hissing as he nips my scars and stomach.

I find myself moaning as he holds my wrists and grinds against me. I kiss him frantically, wrap legs around him. He rubs and slides and soon he’s pushing inside me. I growl, groan, dig my nails into his back. I lose myself in the sensations, call his name, and hold him close, so close his heart thunders against mine. He thrusts deep, hard. I can feel his mouth moving on my neck, whispering, muttering. He presses the spot where all the nerves connect. I cry out again and he kisses me. When I shudder to a climax, he drives deeper, takes his time, but comes a few minutes later. I finally understand what he’s been whispering against my neck. _“Mine.”_

We sprawl together in a sweat soaked pile, skin to skin. I hold his hand, feel his fingers twitch. I finally stagger to the bathroom, shower in cold water, and step back to a bedroom with clean sheets. “Where?”

“Hall closet. Thought we might need them.” 10K pushes me to the bed. “Go rest.”

“It’s time to get…”

“It’s still dark,” he states, looking at me curiously. “Sleep.”

He steps into the bathroom while I sink into the bed. My time sense is seriously screwed up. I swear it seems like morning, maybe 8:00 or so. I close my eyes, wake to wet skin against my back and kisses down my back. Calloused, gentle hands run along my skin. I can feel 10K’s cock hard against my back. “Are you kidding?” I mumble.

“You rode me all night. My turn now.” He blows a stream of air across my back and I quiver.

“Thomas...ah!”

He is nibbling my spine, slipping a lubed finger into me. I did make him scream my name several times last night, true yet...I hiss, groan as 10K shoves inside me. He shouldn’t be this good. He fucks me slowly, thoroughly until we both come again. I gasp into the pillow. “Christ.”

He cuddles me, puts his head on my chest when I roll onto my back. ‘Damn,” I whisper. ”What got into you, kid?”

He doesn’t answer, simply traces my scars with his fingers. I stroke his hair, wondering how we’ll say good bye. “You’ll come with us,” he suddenly blurts.

“What? We’ve been through this…”

“Just shut up. I have a plan.” He sits up and I absently note the dark pink bite marks I left all over his chest.

“You’ll come with me?”

“Listen. We go to the lab. Warren, Addy, and I. I actually go into the lab, make sure it’s ok. Then we come back to tell you. I know you made a list of demands but we’ll inspect it and make suggestions.”

“My demands are non negotiable.”

He glares at me. “You want pineapples and strawberries every other morning and they have to be fresh.”

“OK, that one is flexible.”

“We’ll make sure the lab is all right and not a prison, that you can come and go freely.”

“It won’t work,” I sigh.

“Yes, it will.”

“Warren will tell me anything to get me to agree.”

“No she wouldn’t. And you know I won’t and you trust me.”

“And what make you think that?” I ask in a dry voice.

“Because you let me screw you. And I’m the only one you let do that. You wouldn’t do that if you didn’t trust me.” He studies me. “You’ve let me do it in prison and out of it.”

Blood fills my face. “You forget I screw you as well,” I calmly say, sitting up,

He blushes. “I’ve never did it with anyone but you. You--you’ve had lots of people. But I’m the only one you bottom for.”

_Shit!_

“Maybe.” I stretch. “Go to sleep, Thomas, Let’s enjoy this while we can.”

“Actually, I’m hungry.” I lift an eyebrow. “Food, jerk.” He blushes again. “Besides, all the others are wondering where we are, I’m sure.”

“You said it was dark still! That it was early!”

He looks embarrassed. “I wanted to--I wanted to do it again.” He bit his lip. “And considering I don’t get to that often….”

“We rarely get alone time. And I’m not a bottom.”

“This isn't about being a bottom. We’re together, Murphy, and that means we switch. I’m not some doll you get to use as you see fit. We’re together. That means you do what I want now and then. Besides, you like it.” I stare at him, feeling my face burn. He watches me. “You even liked it when I did you in prison."

The little jerk is right. I did enjoy having him inside me. “I won’t go to a prison,” I state, changing the subject.

He leans over, runs his hands over my face. “I'll make sure it's OK.” I rest my head on him, kiss his palm. He blinks, looks confused. I struggle up and wash, dress. He hugs me gently. “Murphy, it’ll be fine.”

I don’t correct him. Let him hope. I have a damn good idea how this will end if I go to the lab. We’re both eyed as we eat. Edgar paws my legs and I grab him. “Thanks for watching him,” I mutter to Doc.

“No problem.” I note Edgar is wearing a harness and leash. I look at Doc. “It’s a safety breakaway harness. I thought it might make him easier to grab or leash in case of other people, you know. Or if we need to keep him close.”

“I guess.”  Edgar seems OK with it. I hold  Edgar close. I can hide my shaking hands in his fur. He snuggles down in my arms. The miles whip by.

“We’ll be there tomorrow if we’re lucky,” Warren states.

“Lucky for who?” I snap.

“This could help you, man,” Doc says. “And the place will be checked out.”

“You have my requirements,” I remind Warren.

“No one is giving you fresh pineapple,” Addy says.

I frown. I feel 10K’s hand on mine, a quick squeeze as he pets Edgar. We drive all day and sleep in shifts. The next morning we roll into the city. I know the prison won’t be in the city direct. Warren curses as she dodges the undead. “Can’t you send them away?” she demands.

“Why?”

“You are such an ass,” she snaps.

“No, I’m your sacrifice.”

Cool fingers touch mine.  I smell apple and fox and 10K is giving me an apple while Edgar rolls around at my feet. Damaged buildings, undead, graffiti. We stop in a park. I can see the high walled prison from here. “We’ll check it out,” Addy promises.

“It’ll be good,” 10K adds.

I tickle Edgar’s ears, more certain than ever this _won’t_ be good.I can feel zombies around, a push that runs under my skin like bees buzzing around the hive. Doc, Vasquez, and I do nothing except clean the RV and watch as strangers drift by us now and then. I turn away from their staring, yell at one who gawks at me too long. “They’re curious,” Doc says.

“I don’t care. I’m not their freakshow.”

“Well, that’s debatable,” Vasquez says. I glower at him. “Lighten up, Murphy. We made it.”

I glare again, go into the RV. There I sit with Edgar, moodily eating a can of potato chips. The smell of cleaner makes my head hurt. I go out, sit under a tree, try to teach Edgar to fetch. He grabs the ball, tosses it in the air, but doesn’t get the ‘bring it back’.  Doc laughs, tosses Edgar scraps. I chuckle, throw the ball again. Edgar zooms around.

Hours later, Addy, 10K, and Warren return. I almost smell the unease, the worry. I stand up as Edgar runs to 10K. Warren walks to me. “Yeah, I guess it is time to pack, Edgar.”

“It’s not hideous, Murphy.”

“Did they do as I said?”

“Some,” she replies. “It’s still in the prison but…”

“That’s all I need to know,” I interrupt. “I said I’d be flexible on the fresh fruit. Not that.”

“They live in the prison, it’s like an apartment building,” Warren says.

“Or dorm,” Addy explains.

“Or it’s a prison. No.” I pick up Edgar. “You all can come with me. Make a new world out in someplace with power. Plenty of self sustaining homes around.”

“Other people own them,” Vasquez says.

“Not for long.” I gesture. “Why stay? Look, they had a chance, they blew it. Let’s go.”

“These people need help.” Warren steps closer. “The lab is decent, the scientists are good.”

“How would you know? DId you get a science degree that I didn’t know about?” I snark.

She grinds her teeth. “We traveled over three years and the people need help.”

“These people had over three years to prepare. They watched the north fall, separated into their little fiefdoms and didn’t do squat. They barely have city walls! And I should sacrifice myself for them? I have some basic requirements. They said no. That means we leave.”

Warrens groans. I look at 10K. He’s pale, even for him. “Murphy, they can cure this,” Vasquez barks.

“No. My body, my choice.” Addy blinks at me. I look at all of them. “Come with me or not,” I say. I look at 10K again. _Please come with me._ He looks at his feet. My heart clenches. “There’s always a place with me for you,” I say to him. I turn, lean onto my cane. Vasquez grabs my arm and I yank back, feeling his fingers dig into my flesh.

“This is it. Deal with it. So it’s in a prison--no one is going to lock you in a cell.”

“I said no!”

“You need to help,” Addy blurts. “We’ll be around!”

I shake my head, glance at 10K one more time. It’s on him--he has to step forward. “I’m leaving,” I insist.

“You don’t get this,” Vasquez snaps, “You’re going to the lab.”

“No.”

His fingers dig deep and we stare at each other.  Maybe it was always going to come to this--we pretty much despise each other. “Let him go,” comes 10K’s quiet voice.

“Shut up, 10K. This isn’t an option.  He goes.”

The clicking of the rifle makes us all freeze. I carefully turn to 10K. He’s pointing it directly at Vasquez. “Kid,” Vasquez starts.

“Let. Him. Go.”

Vasquez releases my arm and I step back, looking at 10K. My heart beats hard, Maybe, just maybe…

“Murphy, go,” he states.

I smile a tiny bit, step towards him. “10K?” Doc asks, astonishment heavy in his voice.

10K’s voice shakes but his rifle doesn’t.  “I made a deal. He came with us, I promised him he could go if the lab wasn’t right or if he really wouldn’t help. He did what I asked, even let us check out the lab. It’s not going to work.”

“It can work,” Vasquez says. “He goes free, everyone else is screwed!”

“I know. I gave my word, Vasquez!”

“I didn’t,” Vasquez says.

“Easy,” Warren orders. “OK, let’s all calm down. 10K, you shouldn’t have promised that. Murphy, we can work with these people. Vasquez, back off.”

“There’s nothing to work with, Roberta.” I stare at her. “I have requirements. They’re not willing to budge. Neither am I.”

“All these people,” Addy starts.

“Had a chance,” I cut in. “I am not your property! This is my decision, no one else’s!”

“10K, everything hinges on him!”

“I know.” 10K’s voice is thick.

“Is he worth it?” Vasquez demands. “It’s the human race!”

“I promised! And he’s right, his choice.” He inhales. “For once.” My chest aches. He’s placing me first.

“Murphy, he’ll never forgive himself,” Doc chokes out. “You can’t do this. All these people will blame him!”

“Then come with me,” I say, “Why stay here?”

“Murphy, you can’t go,” Doc states.

“10K did promise,” I say.

“We didn’t,” Vasquez growls.

“I told him he could go!”

“10K, he’s needed,” Warren repeats.

I simply watch 10K. “Go,” he says in a cracking voice. “Hurry.” I step closer to him and he shakes his head. “I can’t.”

I feel my knees tremble.  I walk off, glancing at them all. “ No!”

I walk quicker. Edgar  whimpers a little, runs beside me but keeps looking back. “We can’t,” I tell him. He yips. I lean down, pick him up. “We’ll be all right,” I whisper.

Faintly, I hear yell and calls. I twist my neck. Vasquez and 10K are scuffling and I run back, Edgar racing ahead and snarling.  I hit Vasquez like a piledriver, slamming him down as well as myself. “Don’t touch him,” I grind out. A sharp pain rips in my side.  His dark eyes scan me and he--- smirks.

That’s not right. I scramble away. 10K grabs my arm, helps me up, and Doc grabs Edgar who is yipping wildly, snapping at Vasquez. .  “What is going on?” I demand. Vasquez hands Warren a syringe.

“See, 10K, he left--you kept your word--but then he returned.”

“That’s not how it works! What did you give him?”

“It does for me,” Vasquez harshly states. I shake my head.

10K looks at Warren who sighs. Addy hisses. “Christ, Vasquez, you used Murphy’s feelings?  That’s an asshole move.”

“Our mission is to get him to the lab. Yeah, I knew he’d run back to protect 10K. No way would he let his Lolita get hurt.”

“Lolita?” 10K questions.

“He’s not a child!”

“Enough!” Warren shouts.  “Sit down!”

I blink, look at 10K. He swallows hard, hugs hard. “Sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll get you out of here.”

He touches my cheek and strokes down my jaw. I breathe him in. I stagger, stumble. 10K eases me to the ground as mist covers my eyes. “What’s wrong?” Addy asks.

“He’s sedated.” Warren’s voice echoes in my ears. 10K digs his hands into my shirt as I fight to stand.  “I got it from Dr. Sun Mei when we visited,”

I hear nothing else.

I wake with fur in my face and the smell of damp earth and woodsmoke. Edgar has to be the fur and I try to figure out what is going on. There’s warmth by me, a person. I sniff. 10K. I now feel a hand on my back. Like it’s been there awhile. I keep still, listening. “You should have told us, Chief,” Doc says. “Murphy deserves that.”

“I couldn’t take that chance,” Warren said. “Murphy does deserve better but he’s needed.”

10K strokes my back like he’s petting me and I _like_ it. “It was wrong, Vasquez!” Addy’s shout is heard. “One of the few absolutely unselfish things someone can do and you use that against Murphy!”

“Human race, Addy.”

“And if someone used Warren to get to you?”

“I did what had to be done.”

10K caresses my back again. Edgar mutters and turns slightly, leaning against my head more. I ache, ache in my leg, my joints. I think of getting up but 10K is still resting his hand on me and he’s protecting me.  “Is he OK, 10K?” Doc asks.

“I guess. He’s still out. How long will he be out?”

“Sun Mei said it would last four hours or so. It’s only been around an hour.”

Huh. I must be breaking down sedatives fast. That may be useful. 10K strokes my back in that soothing rhythm and I sigh, doze off again. I jerk awake as 10K is getting lectured. “I know you care for him. Those people need Murphy far more than anyone else.” Warren.

“They don’t need Murphy--they want him and he said, for parts.” 10K sounds angry and miserable. “Why can’t anyone understand? He deserves to have a choice.”

“We understand, kid.” That’s Doc. “But there’s nothing we can do.”

“So he’s only someone’s lab rat, like he says.” 10K’s tone is sending pain through my entire body.

“He’s not a lab rat, he’s someone with a gift,” Warren says in a kindly tone. “And the world needs that gift.”

“I’m not a kid, Warren. I know what’ll happen to him. They’ll use him, like the Collector.” His fingers tremble on my back.

“They might but you met the scientists. Did they seem evil?”

“They seemed desperate. And that’s kinda worse.”

I push up, stand on shaking legs. “All right,” I growl. “Stop deciding my life. 10K here at least thought of me.”  I glance at 10K, swallow hard.

“How are you wearing off the sedatives that fast?” Vasquez’s eyes burn.

“Clean living,” I retort.

“I have an idea,” Addy states. “Murphy, you can handle prison and the lab, you know you can. But we can give you something as well. You go to the lab for say six months, then we all help you find your self sufficient village and stay with you for six months.”

“What?” Vasquez blurts. I look at Addy, heart starting to race.

“You’ll all come with me?” _We could be together? A family kind of?_

“I will, “ Addy says.

“I will,” 10K says. I look at him and see hope.

“Me too,” Doc agrees. I glance at Warren.

“I won’t be your blend bitch but we can help you.”

“As a team,” Addy states.

“Three months for every one I spend in the lab,” I say, heart still thundering. “And you come get me after five months even if there’s no vaccine.”

“Six months,” Warren says. “That gives them half a year. And it’s one for one.”

“Two months for every one I spend.” Warren frowns but nods. I look at 10K. “You’ll watch Edgar?” He nods, stroking Edgar’s back. I hug him. “Don’t let me rot in there,” I whisper.

“Six months,” he says, studying my face. “Promise.” He wraps his arms around my neck, kisses me slow and hard. I hold him tight, whisper in his ear.

I’m insane. I’m gambling everything, even my life, on some promise that may never pan out. Still, looking into his aqua eyes, I’ll roll the dice. I’ll give up everything I have to get a chance with him.

  



	11. 11

At seven months, I convinced myself they were just late.

At eight months, I was sure they died.

At 10 months, I knew they’d left me.

 

I don’t even try to care anymore. I simply plot. It hasn’t been easy--this place has become an unwaking nightmare. I’m cold nearly all the time and sometimes I think I have no more to give. I try to simply get through each night and day, dream of sinking my teeth into everyone. 

It’s late one night when I wake from a nightmare, hear low voices. I grunt to myself. Probably the guard bringing by some visitor he has snuck in--why anyone would go with him, I don’t know but I curl up tighter into my ball. It happens fairly frequently. They stare at me like a sideshow exhibit, point and wonder. I dream of slaughtering them. The light goes on, flooding my room with stark white, and I bury my face. “Where is he?” I hear a vaguely familiar voice.

“In the corner. Don’t worry, I can get him closer.”

The shock sends me scrambling up and my head throbbing again. Damn electric collars. I turn to the windows, bare my teeth like the beast they think I am. The guard stands there with someone. I blink, shake my head. “Puppies and kittens. What have you done to him?”

I step forward then rush the window, reaching out to strangle, to rend, to hurt. “He does this a lot. Don’t worry, he can’t get through to us,” the guard says. He raises the collar remote and I step back.

“Murphy,” the woman says softly. I look at Warren, feeling my heart speed up.

"What did you call him?”

“His name. What the hell is wrong with him?!”

“He had tests done today but he’s fine. Huh, forgot that name.  We call him the carrier.”

Warren places her hand on the plexiglass. “I had no idea. I’m sorry.” She’s dressed in decent clothes, clean, and looks good. I warily step closer, watching her. I control the rage, all the time thinking Why?.

“Don’t get maudlin. This here is a monster.”

“He’s saved people! Why is he collared? Why isn’t he talking?”

“The collar controls him, He doesn’t talk.”  My guard shrugs. “He probably could--he screams enough--but doesn’t.”

“That was _him_ we were hearing?” Warren twists. “He shrieks at night and you do nothing?”

“Why? He is just screaming and wailing from his bed.”

“Let me in to see him.”

God, yes. Let me get my hands on her.

“Absolutely not! You have no idea what he can do. He killed four people here.” The guard slams a fist onto the glass and I jerk back. “Slammed Dr. Merch’s skull against the wall until her skull cracked and then cut the throat of three others. Don’t think he’s being abused.”

_Really? Maybe you should tell her what they were doing to me!_

“Merch was here? No one told us!” She looks back at me. “Let me in.”

“What is it with all the people wanting to get it on with him? Anyway, from what I was told, he’s a eunuch. He doesn’t even want to be touched. Last person who tried to get laid by him ended up tossed across the room.” The guard shrugs. “He’s a freak.”

_Maybe I don't want to be your breeding machine._

“Let me talk to him,” Warren orders. “Give me a few minutes alone.”I look at Warren as the guard moves away. “God, Murphy,” she say. “I am so sorry. We thought--we were told---jesus.” She swallows and I look away. I sink to the floor, ignoring her. They left me here.

“I don’t know if you understand but you did good Murphy. The vaccine is made, this place thrives because of you. People are alive.” She inhales.

_So everyone is ok but me? No one said the vaccine was ready. All I hear is bits. Last I knew is they can't decode it. Where have you been? I’m here. Do you know how long it’s been since anyone even said my name? No one has used it in months!_

“We’re all pretty much ok. Doc worries still and we had a few close calls. Everyone is all right.” I curl tighter into a ball. “We--I--thought you'd be freed by now. But you were right. About everything, I guess. They made you just a lab rat. And god knows what they do to you. ” She taps the window.  “We’re coming for you.”

I curl tighter until my knuckles and joints turn white. They told me that before.  _Stop talking!_

The guard returns and I crawl to my bed, burrow under the blankets. The light goes out. I bit my lip, taste blood. I still remember the old blue blanket, the cream walls of the motel room 10K and I were last in, that night. I remember him promising to come get me after six months. I remembering loving him.

 

I scream to bury that dream just as much as the nightmares. It hurts even more than them.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

Despite my reality, I allow a sliver of hope to poke through. If the virus is cured, why am I being held? And the doctors, scientists who treat me--are they all sadists? I also wait for a chance to bite someone. A guard, a dishwasher, I don’t care. I just need someone I can control to set me free.

A week after Warren visits me, I am in my cell after a shower. I get a shower after most tests--it washes the blood away, soothes the bruises. I wear pants only at the moment--my chest and back hurt. I watch a scientist hurry past, pulling a young child and also followed by a sulky-looking teen. That's odd--I never see anyone but workers. The parent grabs some charts as I walk over to my window. “Who is that?” the teen asks, looking at me with disgust.

_I'm not that hideous._

“The carrier. Come on, Amy.” I feel a strange vibration. This is one of my blends. I mentally call her and she turns, walks to my cell door. “What are you doing? Amy!”

 _I never bit this one. What is-_ \- _This is--my god, the vaccine is mine--I can control the vaccinated. It’s my blood. This is why I’m not released!_

I telepathically call the small child. The girl runs to the door. I internally begin laughing, release them, and walk to my bed. I tug on my shirt.

I have my way out.

I spend the day thinking. I have a tiny outdoor yard I’m allowed to wander. It’s a weedy dog run but I can feel the sun and breathe the air. Solar panels gleam in the sunlight.  In this place, I’m kept in a separate wing of the prison. The scientists and lab workers occupy much of the rest. I haven’t tried to control any of them. None ever felt like blends. I sit outside, mentally reach out and call. I can feel minds outside the walls, a heavy blanket, almost electric. People--ready to respond. I will bring them in, have them free me. I’ll swarm this place.

Part of me wonders if I should be using kids, well anyone. I look at my scarred arms and feel the pull of healing wounds. Yeah, too bad. I won’t hurt them and I need out. I stretch in the sun, try to get warm. I don’t know why I’m always cold but it could be the fact I ‘donate’ too much blood. Or wear thin scrubs.

Blistering pain and I cry out, grabbing at my neck. I stumble into my cell where two people in lab coats wait for me. “You should have called him,” one snaps.

“He killed our friends, remember?”

“We can be decent.” She gestures and I fight the urge to attack her and the other. I’m chained and led to the exam room. The woman eases off my shirt, checks my scars. I ignore them, lift my head as a faint scent tickles my nostrils. Two workers step in and the male scientist, the one I call Dick, turns.

“What are you doing here?”

“You needed the computer system fixed,” states a young woman, short blonde hair gleaming. She's a scout. She and the female scientist here are sisters, I think. “Simon won’t bug you.”

“They shouldn’t be near the carrier,” Dickweed states.

“He’s chained and barely moves,” The blonde scoffs.

“You smell like something died, Brenda,” the female scientist says. “What did you do?”

The scout removes her coat, rolls it up. “Argh. I met Delta team and 10K’s fox probably pissed on my coat.”

“He still has that thing?” Dick looks at the blonde.

“I’m trying to convince him to let it go but he won’t. He’s attached to the mangy beast. I don’t know, we have had some great times but he’s been broody as hell. All of Delta team has been moody lately, even Doc.”

Rage shoots through me. I tremble, curl my fingers into my palm. I seethe until I see the computer guy watching me. Mentally I reach out but he’s not one of mine. I see him staring at the scars, old and new.  “Maybe Delta can go out and get more supplies,” dickhead states.

“They just returned,” Brenda says with a frown “Give them a break. Use Alpha or Charlie.”

“You just missed getting laid,” dickwas laughs. “How long have you been with him?”

“We’re friends with benefits. I don’t demand exclusivity and he doesn’t either. And it’s been five months or so. Why do you care?”

I push aside the female doctor’s hand and straighten up.  She glances at me in confusion. Pressure, prickles run along my head, makes my eyes itch. I try to rub them, yank at the chains. Then I eyeball the male scientist. I can feel, in my head, people, blends. It pulls at me. I stretch my neck and lunge. I have enough chain and I get my fingers in him.

The agony from the collar doesn’t stop me from clamping my hands around his throat.

He tastes like iron and sweat. I bite hard, deep. Screeches and screams double the pain from the collar and I crumple but not before snagging keys. I pant on the floor, calling all blends I can feel. Feebly I twist the small key, open the cuffs. I can hear people rushing, an alarm blaring. A gunshot echoes and more yelling. “Don’t kill him! We need him!”

“I’m dying!”

_Ha. One bite, jackass. You’re not dying._

I pull at my collar, push to my knees. Another shock and I’ll pass out. I yank myself up, lean on the table. I feel fingers on my neck, twist around.  A click and the collar falls to the floor. I breathe, stagger. The computer tech leaps away. I glance around, see the doctors running away while computer guy pushes Brenda away into the hall. I shake myself, begin a slow run.

Well, sort of a run. I’m hardly in top form. I can feel emotions, minds pressing and I hurry that way. I’ll find my way out. A breeze indicates an open door and I step out into a garden. I stop, breath in the smell of plants then walk on. I see a cluster of people, freeze. They see me and I can feel they are blends. My people. I edge near and they swarm me, eyes bright and hands grasping. I cringe back, make them step away.  Yet I hear shouts, yells--I need them to protect me. They encircle me, keep a bubble of space around me. I am guarded. I instruct them to take me outside the prison walls to the ‘town’ they’ve built. I’ll figure out what to do there, get some supplies, maybe---

A flash and something heavy barrels into my chest. My arms automatically clutch and whimpers and yips echo. Edgar, my Edgar, squirming and pawing, and licking my face. My knees give and I hold him close. He smells like lemon and he yips continually as I kneel on the ground. “Hello, Edgar,” I croak out. He wraps his paws around my neck as I rest my face on him. He licks away my tears as I sob once. Emotion surges through me. I thought I’d never see him again. He digs at my bare chest as if clawing my heart out. I rub my cheek on his head and slowly stand up, cradling him. He’s the first creature I’ve hugged for 11 months.

“Murphy!”

Doc appears, stops as people form a wall between us. My knees shake. I miss them--miss people to talk to--but they left me here. Edgar squirms and I realize I am holding him tight. I set him on the ground and he races to Doc, weaving among people. Then he bounces to 10K, who appears as if from nowhere.

My heart pounds, feel like it’s cracking. Rage, pain,--who’s to say? I want to hug him, kiss him, scream.  I inhale, ignore the agony across my back and neck. I want to touch him. Instead, I curl my lip and glare at all of the team. Mentally I order some of the blends to bring the scientists to me. “I know none of us were geniuses,” I say aloud, watching eyes widen as I speak. Yes, my voice is raspy but not that odd. “But really, who thought I was the only one who knew _how to read a damn calendar_?”

“Murphy,” 10K whispers. As if staring at a miracle. Or demon.

“We were told you were dead,” Warren says coming forward. I tense and my blends block her.  She stops. “Murphy, we were told you were **dead.** ”

“And you didn’t ask for my body? You just believed them?” I demand.

“They brought out a body,” Doc says. “Until Sun Mei found out you were alive and told us, we all thought you’d died.” He inhales, looks at me.  “You kind of look like it.”

I grind my teeth. I know I look like hell, even though mirrors weren’t in my room.  My skin is normal human color now, no more blue. The scars and bruises show up much more vividly.  “Well, lucky me, I’m alive,” I snap. “You all left me to rot.”

“Not intentionally,” Warren says. “Never that. You saved everyone. And we were coming for you.”

“When? When did they tell you I died?”

“About six months ago,” Addy says.

“Wow.” I look at 10K. “How long did you mourn me? A month? A week? Did you even wait a day before banging Brenda?” His face drains of life and color. “Oh, christ. Not even a day, right?”

“How’d you know? It wasn’t like that at all!”

“They talk, all right? I’m not deaf!”

“You--I thought you were dead! Yes, it was more than a day!”

“So you decide to screw anyone you could?” He flinches.

“I was lonely!”

“Get in line, pal! You know what, never mind. I got myself free.” I turn away from his pale face and deep eyes. The zombies start ripping my insides and I inhale.

“We sent in Simon,” Addy states, coming closer. I look at her.

“Who? The computer geek?”

“He was doing a run to map areas out and find out what had been done to you.” Addy watches me. “What are you doing?”

Scientists had been found and I watch them being pulled to me. “Payback is a bitch,” I say offhandedly. I look at the scientists. “The plans I have for you,” I say softly.

“How are you doing this?” Vasquez speaks up. “Did..”

“They didn’t tell you?” I ask. “You’re kidding…” I actually laugh. “You don’t know?” I pull my lips back into a smile. “Yes, I saved these people and now I’m calling in the favors.”

“The vaccine--isn’t?” Addy blurts.

“No. No way they used his blood knowing what he could do,” Vasquez retorts.

“We were desperate,” a scientist shouts. “We needed a cure and…” He stops. “After he murdered Dr. Merch and three others, we tried something else.”

“You used his blood as a base, kept him locked away…” Doc walks forward, trying to weave between my blends. They bar his path.

“We’re getting close,” another scientist says. “We just decided to move quickly.” He inhales. “We have kids and we wanted them protected.” He stares at me. “No regrets. The children…”

“Are mine,” I state.  Heads turn. “I can do whatever I want because they’re mine now. An so is most of the town, so thanks.” I grin. “And other places I hear as well.”

“Get him,” the scientist snaps. “Knock him out!”

“Bring me the city council,” I order, “And the scientists.” I glance at Dickhead scientist, the one I bit. “Who isn’t vaccinated?” I ask.

“Most are in the town except us and some of the scouts like Brenda, delta, and Charlie teams,” he answers.  I nod, shiver suddenly. It’s cold, I have no shirt or shoes. And I ache, figures. I can have everything and I want socks.  I inhale, send people to find me a nice house and clothes. I walk to Dick scientist, grab his collar. “Kneel,” I spit out, using no mental force. I want him to crumble without help from me. “Kneel!”

“Murphy, stop it!”

I look at Warren, bare my teeth. “We have towns,” she states. “Several. Self sufficient, solar powered, like you want.”

“But I rule this one. Why should I leave?”

Silence. I shove the scientist down, making his knees crack against the concrete. “Two years,” Addy blurts. “Two years.” I look at her, her face filled with worry. It’s never been directed at me before.  “We’re with you for two years now, Murph. You did 11 months, almost a year. So we give you two years.”

_“Do you think that makes up for what you did? You left me in Hell!”_

A touch and I whirl, lurching back, fists raised. 10K is there, eyes bright and moist. He holds up his hands and I straighten, looking at him. He shouldn’t have been able to get close. I mentally call the blends and have them tighten the circle. Yet I let him stand there. I mentally order my blends to hold all the scientists and for dick to stay kneeling. “You’re cold,” 10K says. “Let’s go somewhere. We can find clothes.”  His face is filled with concern. “Frick. You look bad.” He reaches out and I swat down his hand.

I don’t say anything, He tries again and I turn away, feeling his hand come to rest on my bare back. He’s warm. “You have more bite scars,” he blurts. I hear horror in his voice. ‘How? These are fresh….”

“How do you think?”

“Zs don’t bite you.”

“They will if I’m chained down, sedated, and slathered with fresh blood that isn’t mine.”

His hand shakes on my back and I step away. I hear a zipper and he’s shrugging from his jacket. “Put this on,” he orders.

“I’m a bit larger than you,” I snap. He draps the jacket over my back and I shiver.  It smells like sweat and him and the unexpected warmth feels incredible.

“We have food,” 10K says. “Let’s go rest, all right?’

“This city is mine,” I growl.

“Murphy, water and food, all right? Talk to us. I mean, you have control.”

I grunt.  He suddenly embraces me and I tense from toes to top of my head. Edgar now him….I don’t know how I can touch more. He looks at me and I simply breath, long shallow inhales and exhales. His eyes gleam with tears. I touch his face. “Are you hurt?” I ask gruffly. I ignore the screaming in my head that he’s here to shove me back in the cells. “10K?”

“Let the others through,” he says softly in a weird, choky voice. “It’ll be all right.”

“Everyone promises that,” I grumble but I allow the blends to part so Warren, Doc, Addy, and Vasquez can come over. I know my blends will be obedient and that is comforting. Doc give me a rough hug then releases me immediately when I yelp.

“You need some tlc, man.” He shakes his head. “And hair.”

“Tuesdays are shave days.”

“You can control all these people?” Addy asks. I smile. She hands me Edgar and I hold him close. I so missed him. He wriggles, licks my chin. We walk towards the town. I have my blends drag along the scientists. I stop at a large house. People welcome me in, start cleaning and cooking.

It takes a few hours but I get a hot bath, clothes, and food. I order out the blends, allow the team to stay. My blends keep watch outside. I find myself being watched by the whole group. Even Edgar but he wants the food. “Am I that fascinating?” I ask, forking salad into my mouth.

“We really did think you were dead,” Addy says.

“Fine. I have a town now.”

‘Do you really want to stay here?” Vasquez asks.

“A whole town I rule? Yeah, sounds good.” I eye him as I drink some tea. Warren twitches. “What?”

“I can’t help but wonder how much revenge you’re going to take.”

I stare at her. “A lot,” I say curtly.

She nods, frowning. “You’re pretty tore up.”

“I’m alive.”

“I dunno man. You want to hang around here for two years?” Doc shrugs. “It’s close to Zero territory and really isn’t that pretty.”

“Play this right and I’ll own the Zeros. They can be my army.”

“OK, yeah, that’s scary.” Vasquez states. “You think you can lead?”

“I know I can.”

“You look odd bald.” Addy leans forward. “Might want to reconsider hair.”

“I might,” I agree.

“Is that scar from a surgery?” she continues. “The one on your head?”

“Fight,” I reply. I look around as there’s a low rumble through the air. Everyone moves to the windows.

“There’s a fire,” Warren states. She opens the door. The smell of smoke rolls into the room and I can see black clouds. “Murphy….”

“Yes?”

“Did you burn the lab?”

“Wow, still blaming me for everything. I’ve been here.” I stand up, walk to the door. “Huh.”

Several blends come towards me, all carrying weapons, Several scientists walk with them, one I don’t recognize.  10K and Edgar stand beside me, I sniff the air, look at 10K. “You smell like apples,” I say.

“We brought in a load of apples and cider,” he says.

“Huh.”

Edgar brushes my leg and I glance at him. He’s directly between 10K and me and he’s watching the people near. I look at the scientists again. “We’ll take him back,” Dr. Winters said.

10K levels his rifle. “No, you won’t,” Addy states. “You lied to us!”

“You couldn’t know what we were doing. We need him.”

“We know more than you think. And you hurt him,” Warren says. “Murphy has more than done his part.”

“He belongs to the world.”

“He belongs,” I rumble. “To himself!” Winters jerks.

“What burned?’ Doc asks.

“Embryology lab,” Winters replies.

“What?” Vasquez come forwards. Pushes my shoulder to make me move back so he can stand in front of me beside Warren. That's weird. “Another murphy? Are you _insane?_ ”

“If his condition can be inherited, we can study him and the offspring. No chance now.”

“Good,” I retort.

 “You haven’t spoken for months and now won’t shut up,” Winters says.

I smile, feeling my lips curl. “Come on in,” I invite. Aching to attack him.

“We needed to save people.”

“And now they’re mine!”

Winters lunges and Edgars bolts, burying his teeth in his leg. Vasquez and Warren shove Winters back as Edgar leaps away, snarling. “Come on,” Doc says, grabbing my arm. He whistles for Edgar. He takes me to a large bedroom. 

That night, I sleep with Edgar beside me. I awake, sweating and cold like usual and Edgar is whining beside me. “Murphy?”

I look up into 10K’s pale face. “What is it?”

“You’re screaming.”

“Sorry.” I sit up. “How’d you even get in?”

“Picked the lock.”

“I mean how did you get close. I always wake up with someone near me.” He shrugs. “Look, I scream and cry out once in a while.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do this.”

“I kinda did.” He swallows. “We left you. Yes, they told us you were dead but we should have checked harder. And Brenda and I--it wasn’t like you, I mean, it was nice but not the same.”

“I’d say not.” I stare at him. “I’m not a woman.”

He blushes. “I mean, she’s a friend. I had a few girls I like but they’re not--it wasn’t like you. I thought you were dead.”

“I know. You’ve said that.”

“It’s not like I was with them any length of time.”

“I don’t need to hear about your girlfriends.” He flinches and I sigh. “I don’t close my eyes without teeth tearing into me. I really don’t want to think about why you and your girlfriends haven’t worked out.”

“I wanted someone to be with. I really missed you. We all did. I wanted to apologize.”

“Fine,” I grunt. I pet Edgar.

“I mean it.”

“Fuck, Thomas, I may love you but give me some time, ok? I’ve been locked up for 11 months and need to figure out what I’m doing and---” I stop. His eyes are huge.

“You --love me?”

I groan and stand, run my hands over my head. 10K stands as well, looking awkward. We stare at each other and his face fills with pity. Maybe because of my physical condition. Maybe because he doesn’t feel the same. I look away, bit down on my inner cheek. “Stop,” I snap.

He stares at his hands, his rifle, then he hugs me. He’s warm and smells alive and of apples and woods and I inhale his scent. “You should sleep more,” he whispers. “It’s barely midnight.”

I shrug. He kisses me once, quick, and points to the bed. “I’ll keep watch,” he promises.

“Edgar is here.”

“Then we can both relax.”

I snort, sit back down.  I lie down and try to sleep again, stunned to wake up with two warm bodies beside me. Edgar rolls around, stretches. 10K wraps an arm around me and runs his hand over my back. Then I feel minds, emotions, all pushing, calling. It’s a vise on my skull and I shout, drowning out the sensations of Zs and blends.

10K pulls me close, shaking me, and holding my hands as I claw at my skull. He presses a hand against my neck and I freeze. “Don’t,” I gasp. “No collars.”

“No, never.”

I get up, breathing hard. I rub my neck, feeling the scars from the collar. 10K watches me. I look at him, really look. “You look good,” I say lamely. “Really good.” He blinks opens his mouth. “Don’t. I know I look like shit.”

“You look abused,” he says. He swallows. “Murphy, Z got your files. We know why you killed Merch. We saw the video.” His hands shake.

“Huh?”

“Simon--Citizen Z--”

“That’s Citizen Z? How did he get here?”

“Long story. Look, the scientists used the computers for their work. And they videoed the experiments.”

“When?”

“We watched last night.”

I nod. “So you saw. All right.” I ignore the buzzing in my head, the pressure from blends and zs alike. I remember that day very well. I rub my wrists. I still feel her skull under my hand, hear the crunch and thud as I slam her head frantically against the wall again and again, smell iron and feel hot blood gush over my hands as I slice open throats. The panic runs through me, the desperation to escape.  “Don’t expect apologies,” I say. “From the scientists or me. I’m glad I killed them.”

“I get it.”

“No, you don’t. And I’m glad you don’t.”

“Do you want to stay here?”

“We’ll rule here. And I’ll make them suffer.”

“I don’t want to make people suffer.”

I tilt my head. Edgar yips, trots to the door. I follow him and feel 10K’s hand slide against mine. I stare at him. “Missed you,” he says, squeezing.

“Thanks,” I whisper.

He continues to hold my hand as we walk to where I hear the others. I watch him, smell food, and Edgar scamper towards the scents. He emerges with a large bone and settles down to gnaw. “He looks great,” I say. “You take care of him.”

“He takes care of us. He really wondered where you were.”

The kitchen area is filled with food. I look at everyone. “They do love you,” Doc says as he hands me a plate of eggs and toast.

“What? Who?”

“Your blends,” Addy replies. “They’ve brought everything. I don’t know where they got flour but we have bread, goat cheese, butter, jam, fruit, and vegetables. Soups, stews, dried meats, fruit. You have everything here.”

“Why?”

“They worship you.” Vasquez mutters. “It’s obscene.”

“They’re safe because of me. Alive because of me." I feel the minds, the pressure, the emotions.  


All this is mine. And it hurts.


	13. Chapter 13

Doc takes me outside after breakfast, shoos away the others. “Man, we missed you,” he says. He gingerly hugs me and I welcome it. “Man, we thought you were a goner.”

“I get it, everyone thought I was dead.” The cool breeze swirls up leaves and dust as we walk.

“We wouldn’t have left you, man.” Doc touches my arm and stares at me, eyes intense. “And yeah, despite what you think, it tore 10K apart.”

“Before or after he banged Brenda Blonde?”

“I watched him, Murphy. He was broken! He never forgave himself. He thought,said it was his fault you died. And now you’re alive and obviously in bad shape.” He swallows. “He won’t forgive himself for that either.” He inhales. "None of us will."

“I don’t need pity,” I snap. “Doc, I’m the one used here, ok? Besides, this place is mine now. We can all have a good time.”

“And is this what you wanted?” He gestures and I look around. Buildings, people.

“What?”

“What did you plan when you thought we were coming for you?”

I blink. “What does that matter?”

“Indulge me.” He pushes back his shaggy hair. We start walking again.

I shrug. “I don’t know. Some town with solar power, I guess. Near the woods for Edgar and 10K but with places for us. We’d all be close by each other, maybe even in the same building. A river. Some other people nearby so everyone had a chance at a partner. What does it matter?”

“Sounds nice.”

“Yeah, well, now I have this.”

“I heard people screaming last night.”

I shrug. “And?”

He sighs.“Murphy, it’s you. You scream and they reacted. I asked around. Couple kids, adults. They dream of dark places, being trapped, being held down.”

I twitch, walk away with Doc and Edgar following. “People have PTSD, doc. It’s the apocalypse.”

“I watched the video last night, what Merch and the doctors did, what you did.”

I feel my knees quake, rub my neck. “It all came back,” I say quietly. “To wake up with zombies eating me. Yes, they stopped once they tasted me but I was tied down, had five zombies eat me. Again! And for what? Just so Merch and the others could see if the new medicine they developed would deactivate my gifts temporarily.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, all worth it, right? This is my place now.” I rub my head. Emotions, thoughts ‘nudge’ my mind.  I speed up my walking. “So you know how I spent my time. How about you guys? Must have built a good life here.”

“It’s OK. We’re a scavenging team mosty.”

“How did you find out I was still alive?’

Doc smiles. “Sun Mei. She thought you were dead as well--her part of research works on your blood and the vaccine but not with you. Anyway, she said something to Warren about a bad supply of vaccine and how they managed to get a clean vaccine going again. Warren wondered where they were getting the basis for the vaccine. Sun Mei looked into it--and found out you were alive. She told Warren and Warren bribed the guard. There you were.” He inhaled. “We had to literally yank 10K off his feet to stop him from charging the labs. Warren was devastated. We were going to have Simon get more information but then you broke free. No one thought they’d use your blood directly--not since you can control people.Explains a lot though.” He frowns. “Ever since Warren told us about the screaming she’d heard from you--I wondered. People complain about nightmares, people scream in the middle of the night and I’m pretty sure you were leaking, Murphy.”

“That’s just disgusting.” Doc snorts.

“I mean emotionally, mentally. You somehow mentally touched them. Not a lot but you broadcast.”

“So what?”

“If you broadcast, you’re probably receiving as well.”

“And?”

“How many headaches do you get, Murphy?”

“What?”

“I spent last night watching the scientists’ experiments,” Doc shrugs. “Hey, Citizen Z hides the porn. Anyway, you have a lot of head rubbing, wincing.”

“Electric collars do that.”

“I’m sure that didn’t help. Murphy, you need a doctor. And a therapist.”

“I am just fine, Doc. Stop worrying.”

“Are you saying you’re not out for payback?”

“Sure I am. I deserve a little revenge.” Doc looks frightened, a little. “They hurt me,” I snap.

“You did kill Merch. And others.”

“They strapped me down and let zombies eat me. Again!”

Sweat is trickling down my spine. Yes, I remember. Any cooperation between the researchers and I died that day with Merch. I was collared and treated like a monster.

_“Because I hate you! Why don’t you get that? You’re a monster and I willingly--no. Never again. Don’t ever touch me again. “_

“Murphy?”

_He doesn’t feel that way anymore. I’m ok._

“Murphy!”

People are coming this way, people and a few zs. I feel them, the emotions screaming along my nerves.

The crack of flesh striking flesh, sting of an open palm. I jerk, shake my head as Edgar cough-barks at Doc. My cheek blazes. “What the hell?!” I demand.

“You’re out of it. Come on!” He grabs my arm, drags me a few feet. “You were totally zoning,” he exclaims.

“You hit me!”

“Murphy, you’re being overwhelmed, I think. Mentally. I mean, it’s like you can sense everyone now, right?”

 “If you mean do I have an army, yeah, kind of.”

“These are people!”

“What was I?”

Doc looks at me, embraces me. “You’re you.” Not a great answer but I shiver, hug him roughly. We walk off again, Edgar following and circling us. I wish for aspirin, any kind of headache pills. “You shouldn’t use these people,” Doc says.

“Why not? I was.” He shakes his head, scowls at me, more disappointed than angry. “Brenda and 10K, they happy?” I ask. Might as well rip open the wound now, see how deep it goes.

“They’re close but it’s not serious,” Doc hedges. “He thought you were dead. Brenda is a friend.”

"OK. Any other _friends_ I need to wonder about?”

“He’s 20, Murphy. There’s Brenda, Red for a bit, some girl--oh, Sarge.”

“What the hell? Who isn’t he screwing?!”

“They’re just encounters,” Doc states. “Someone to hold him. And all were after we were told you had died.” He inhales. “No need to be jealous.”

I stop, shake myself. I asked for this, I knew better than to fall in love. I wondered how deep it went. Past the bone. “Fuck,” I whisper. I must look like something because Doc is pale and concerned.

“It’s not like that.”

“Whatever,” I reply. My voice almost cracks, it sounds so brittle. My chest burns. “It doesn’t matter.” _I thought he cared, maybe even loved me._

“He cares, Murphy. He’s still upset about what happened with you…”

“No, not pity fucks or obligations! I have what I need--I have a whole town. And I’m fine, ok?” Rage licks along my nerves, fills my veins. “I’m not hiding anymore.” I feel people becoming angry, ‘see’ shoulders stiffen, eyes darken with fury. They’ll fight for me, protect me, work for me, and die for me. I exhale noisily, see Edgar turn to me. I can have them all do anything for me…

Screams jar me and my head throbs. Doc fumbles in his side bag, shoves a canteen and pills in my hands.I swallow the pills, drink hurriedly. “Breathe,” he orders. “I don’t know what’s happening but I can guess it hurts.”

“They’re angry because I’m mad,” I hiss through bolts of pain. 

“Come on.”

He half carries back to the house, drops me on a couch. I curl into a ball, feel and hear Edgar pacing around. I brush his fur from time to time, try to soothe my head. Addy steps in, covers me with a blanket. I’ve never had a headache like this, It feel like my skull is splitting. Edgar finally settles at my side and I try to sleep. I feel fingers stroking my scalp soon after. A whimper? Moan? Comes from my lips and I lean into 10K’s fingers. I know it’s him somehow--who else could get so close? Plus Edgar is content. The blanket is pulled up over my shoulder. I rest, letting the painkiller numb. It’s not sleeping but I feel woozy, sink into the couch. I stagger up only when my stomach rebels, threatens to emerge through my mouth. I do make it to the bathroom and I vomit long and hard. Indoor plumbing--nice to have it again. I rinse out my mouth, lean against the wall.

“You look like shit, Murph.”

“Gee, thanks for the newsflash, Roberta.”

She smells like burning leaves for some reason. A smile teases across her lips. “Sorry, you being bald is just so weird.”

“It’ll grow.”

“Come on, family meeting.”

“Since when am I family?”

“Murphy, stop.”

I glare at her.  My head still pounds but it’s better. She takes my arm and I quiver once. Still getting used to touching without pain. We walk to the couch. Vasquez comes in. 10K steps in, followed by Brenda. “What in hell? Why is she here? So the family includes slavers?” I snap.

“I brought her because she really wanted to talk to us.” 10K squirms. “I know she hurt you, Murphy, and yeah, lied to us.”

“I didn’t touch him,” Brenda snaps.

I’m on my feet and lunging towards her.  Warren and Vasquez grab me and 10K shoves Brenda away. “Protecting _her?!_ ” I demand. Everyone winces. I guess I shouted.

“She’s lied, yeah, but don’t hurt her.  Murphy, she’s not my girlfriend!”

“But she’s one of your little harem, right?  Brenda, Red, Sarge, who aren’t you fucking?”

Eyes widen. Everyone is staring.  10K is pale. “Why the hell do you care?” Brenda snaps at me.

Vasquez tightens his arm around my chest. I slam an elbow back and he grunts but doesn’t let go. “Stop being an ass,” he snarls into my ear.

“He’s mine, god damnit!”

_He’s supposed to be mine._

“What?” Brenda exclaims. 10K swallows, looks at her then me. He steps forward to me, places his hand on my chest.

“Stop,” he murmurs. “ I get it. But stop,okay? She needs to talk to us and I won’t let you hurt her.”

“But you were fine with her hurting me.”

“We didn’t know!” His yell makes me jerk. “We thought you were dead and I am sorry!”

“They took everything from me!”

“We’re here now,” 10K whispers.

“Do you see me as I am now?” I demand. “What good is that? Look at me!" I spread my arms.  "Do you know what they did?”

“They made a cure, you whining baby,” Brenda says.

Roars of rage, fury. Hum of blood. Sting of hand against cheek. “Ow! What the hell, Doc? What’s with all the slapping? What kind of kink do you have?” I demand.

‘You need to focus and calm down. Listen to that!”

“So?” I snap, rubbing my cheek. They all just look at me. “Fine,” I grunt. I close my eyes, send soothing calm outward. The rage fades to blue. “Happy?” I snip.

“He can control people?” Brenda shouts. “Why didn’t you tell me, 10K?”

‘You said he was dead!”

“My sister told me to tell you that. He went crazy and they didn’t want you guys to know.”

Addy come in. “People are settling down,” she reports. “Murphy, that’s you? Anything you feel, they do?”

“No,” I reply. I press the heels of my hands in my eyes.

“He needs to be locked back in the lab.”

“No!”

Everyone turns on Brenda. “He’ll be fine,” 10K says. He touches me again.

“He’s your ex. Oh, god, you have to be kidding!”

“Not an ex,” I retort. I pull 10K to me, hold him against my chest. 10K stiffens, narrows his eyes, but does clasp my hand.

“Winters is here,” Addy adds. “Murph, he won’t take you.Keep calm.”

“I’d have him slaughtered by his own kids before that happens,” I state. Maybe not the best thing to say-- everyone eyeballs me oddly. Brenda’s mouth hangs open. “Yeah, I know he has kids. I’m not a moron.”

“Are you listening to yourself?” Warren asks.

“I gave up on caring for people when they slapped a collar on me.”

A warning squeeze on my hand.  I look directly at 10K, see frustration and pain in his eyes. I ache to kiss him, actually lean in to do so, but he steps away, gently touching my arm. “Later,” he whispers, breath warm against my cheek.I’m pissed, he knows it. I release him, turn away, and choke back the fury. “Sonofabitch” he mutters.

I close my eyes, send messages to all my blends. Well, I think I do--I don’t have a manual. Then I flop on the couch.  “He’s crazy,” Brenda states.

“”Why are you here?” I demand.

“The town needs him back at the lab. My sister says they’re close to a different vaccine but…”

“No,” everybody choruses. Edgar leans against my leg and I pet him. Dr. Winters steps through the door and I eyeball him. I don’t attack-yet-but I want to. The smell of sweat enters the room as well. He and I stare at each other.

“We need you.”

“You do because I keep this town alive and trading. I don’t need you. My town, my people.”

“You’re a beast.”

“And?”

“Enough,” Warren orders. “He’s a person. You lied to us, Dr. Winters, you tortured him.”

“Not tortured--experimented.”

“He was collared,” 10K snaps. “We were told he was dead.”

Winters sighs. “He murdered four people. It’s not pleasant to think of but…”

I listen to them argue, straining for something outside the door. A tall, lank teenager appear, maybe 15 or so. “Bradley?” Winters asks.

“This is mine,” I say, standing up. “Same with others. They’re my people now.”

“He’s my son.”

“And now he’s mine.”

Doc suddenly grabs my arm. “Don’t,” he warns in a low tone. “Just don’t. That’s his kid.”

“And me?’"

  
“You need to leave here. We’ll go smoke some Z weed, find a town, settle down like you wanted.”

“I want payback.” My voice drops without my intention. “I want recompense.” I mentally order the teen to my side. The youth obeys, eyes glazed with something like obsession. Doc squeezes my arm. I grunt and turn. Terror fills his face.  

“Murphy…”

Everyone watches me. Everyone looks nervous. I snort, focus on Winters. “Get one thing clear,” I snap. “I control all these people. Even if you kill me, I have placed orders they’ll destroy themselves and you. I’m off limits. So is Delta team. Got it?”

Winters is trembling.  He looks at his son, look at me. “I’m taking him.”

“Go,” I say to Bradley. “Come back in an hour. Bring me some fruit.” Bradley nods, bends his neck and head to me. I send him off. “And you leave too,” I snap at Brenda.

“Piss off, you arrogant ape.” I twist and glare at her. Then  I hear a growl and Edgar snarls at Brenda. 10K sweeps him up in his arms, holds him for a moment. “That damn fox,” Brenda mutters.

I walk to 10K, take Edgar. “She’s out or I’ll drag her off.” Edgar wiggles as I walk out the door. Outside, people turn as I walk by and I feel pain ripping through my head. I can feel emotions and I try building a wall in my mind. I walk around, cuddling Edgar. He rubs against my neck. Licks my cheek. My heart rate slows. I stroll, trying to get get a fix on the area. “You and I could just leave,” I tell Edgar. His ears twitch. “Or we can rule.” I dig my fingers into my temples. “Wish I knew to shut them out more.” He yips. “Yeah, that’s loud, too.”

“Mr. Murphy?”

A tall man stands a distance away. I look at him, set Edgar on the ground. “Yeah?”

“I’m William, one of the council here.” I nod, hear Edgar snarl by my feet. “We’d like to show you around.”

“Yeah, not yet. Get me maps of the area.”

“Of course but we can get you a guide.”

“Map. With every building and spot identified.” I feel the man’s curiosity, his desire to be close to me. He wants my approval. “Thank you, William.”

“We are all happy you’re here.” I nod as I watch Edgar trot off, veering around people. He hurries away but constantly watching me. William steps closer and I inhale. “We’ll get working on the maps,” he says.

“Thanks.”

A lovely woman paces toward us, blond hair bouncing around her shoulders. I can sense her desire and I internally freeze. I like sex--a lot--but too many people have tried to use me. I send them away, telling them to find me an elegant house with power and running water. I spot Edgar running  and another animal leaping after hm. “Edgar!” He runs to me followed by a thick muscled, black and white cat who snarls at me and veers away. Edgar runs to the cat, falls over, waving his paws. “You’re friends?” I blurt. The cat hisses and hides while Edgar rolls around. “Huh. Well. you seem happy.”

“That’s Addy’s cat,” I hear and I spin again.

“Damn it!” I snap at 10K. “What’s with all the sneaking up?”

“I wasn't sneaking.”

I grunt. 10K shifts uncomfortably. I study him, noting again he looks really good. He’s filled out, weighs more. Still slender and sleek but no more protruding ribs.

“You done walking?”

“She gone?”

“Yes.”

“I’m surveying my new realm,” I say. His face changes, saddens, and I watch his eyes. Still that deep aqua.  Slowly he reaches out and I step close, kiss him deeply. When we break, I rest my forehead on his, clutch his shoulders to steady my hands. I don’t open my eyes--I want to bask in this. His arms are around my neck. I feel his fingers trembling. I don’t want to let go--he’s warm and alive and in my hands and I realize how much I missed him, how much I still miss him. His lips press against mine again, gentle, tender. His hands slid up my head, tickling my scalp.

He strokes my cheek with one hand when he finally lets go. I open my eyes, feeling odd peace as he smiles. “I need to get something and get back.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

He walks off and I admire his legs and ass. Edgar frisks after him and the cat tails them. I watch, feeling my heart beat a little faster. “Wow. That kid has you by the balls.”

“Shut up Vasquez.”

He snorts. I glance at him. His dark eyes scan me.  “He’s changed.”

“So have I.”

Vasquez shrugs, looks away. I aimlessly wander around, head to the house we occupied. “Stop following me,” I snap at Vasquez. Pain blossoms behind my left eye, pain and a desperate pulling, wanting vacuum. I inhale, dig my fingers into my temples. “Wall,” I mutter. “Block them out.”

The pain lessens. I shake myself. Back in our temporary house, I go to ‘my’ bedroom. It’s blessedly dark and quiet. I stretch and then lie down. Why I’m so tired, I don’t know. I shouldn’t be. I fall asleep, waking instantly when the door opens. “Murphy?”

I roll to my feet into a crouch. There’s a woman looking at me, Asian. I stare at her, shoulders tensing. 10K and Addy both  step forward. “This is Dr. Sun Mei,” Addy introduces.

“Murphy, she’s ok,” 10K says. “She helped get you out.”

“After leaving me to rot,” I snap.

“I didn’t know. I want to help.” 10K touches my arm and I realize how touch famished I am. I clasp his hand. “She’s all right,” 10K says. “I’ll stay with you.”

“You sure?” I ask Addy and him.

“Yes,” Addy says. I straighten my shoulders.

“What are we doing?”

“I want a blood test,” she says. “And an exam.”

“No!”

“Start with an exam,” Addy suggests. “A quick one.”

I grumble but allow the doctor to pull me to a bed. She checks me out slowly, carefully. The raw scars on my back make her frown. “This was when you killed Dr. Merch and the others,” she states quietly.

“I regret nothing.”

She inhales and Addy elbows me. “I knew one very well,” Sun Mei says.

“Don’t care. They hurt me.”

“Dr. Merch was the heart of our group.”

“She was a sadistic, using cruel asshole and I am glad she’s dead!”

Sun Mei jerks away. 10K squeezes my hand. “We get it.”

“They let them eat me!” _Why doesn't anyone get that?_

“We know,” Addy states. “And we need to find out how to help you.”

“Letting me tear apart a few researchers would help,” I snap.

“Murphy!” Addy exclaims. “What the hell is wrong with you?” She turns to Sun Mei. “What did you people do?! He was an ass before but nothing like this!  
Sun Mei reaches out, presses her hand on my cheek.

“We used you and I’m sorry.”

  
“Don’t touch me.” I smack her hand down. “You don’t get to think an apology will fix this. I was collared and shocked, shocked so many times my neck is scarred. Zombies chewed me. I was used as a blood bag for vaccines. There is no forgiveness for this!”

Sun Mei stares at me, eyes wide. Warren’s voice echoes in the room. “Everything ok?”

10K takes my arm, tosses the shirt over my shoulders. He tugs me out of the room.  “Murphy,” he says slowly. “Jesus, Murph…” He runs his hands over my face. He kisses me lightly. “Come on.”

We sit at the table, eat some fruit and canned soup. I yawn. “Want to plan?” I ask. “We can plot how to rule.”

“Why do you want to stay here?”

“What do I get if I leave?” I ask. “I mean, come on, Thomas. I have control of a town.”

“You want revenge.”

“Do you blame me?”

His face is sad. “No.”

“We’re free now,” I point out. “We can have a really good life.” I hear the pleading and I stop. “I mean, if you’re not going to run after all the pretty young things.”

“Let it go!” He’s pissed. I shrug. We talk about how Addy met her cat Tux and Edgar and the team. 10K touches my scalp, smiles. “Stubble.”

“Yeah, it’ll grow.”

Doc bounces in the room. “They have Z weed, man! Murphy, how you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Let’s go find the weed.”

He’s bouncing like a 5 year old at Christmas and I nod. 10K, Doc, and I step outside and I gasp. Three saddled horses stand there. “You’re crazy!”

“They’re tame,” Doc assures, swinging up on a black horse. 10K scrambles onto a brown and white pinto. Edgar yaps, hops up 10K’s leg to the saddle and 10K puts him in his backpack.  Edgar looks around, clearly pleased. I’m left with an enormous grey that looks like he escaped from a plow. Or a beer truck. Or a knight. Big hooves move. I grab the horn and clamber onto the giant and the huge head swings to me. I haven’t ridden in decades, since I sat on a fat pony at a carnival. Doc clicks and we move off. The horse moves steadily but smoothly. I hold the reins and mane, pretty clueless on what to do. We ride around the town some, get bounced as we trot down a road. Doc harvests weed and herbs. Between trying to stay aboard and actually looking around, I enjoy myself. The big horse is steady and mellow.

10K angles near me and then lopes off, My horse follows suit and I squawk. It’s not so bad, I think after a surge of panic. The big horse gallumps but it’s an easy ride. 10K laughs as he stops, Doc grinning. “You look like you swallowed your tongue,” Doc chuckles.

“Jerry and I are fine,” I say.

“Jerry?” 10K asks, eyebrows rising.

“Jerry,” I pet the warm neck. “For Jerry Garcia.”

“That’s terrible, man.” Doc shakes his head.

“Who’s he?” 10K asks.

“Singer,” Doc explains. “One of the songs is Touch of Grey.”

I smile and 10K rolls his eyes. “You two are weird.”

We walk slowly back into town. Doc shows me how to unsaddle and brush the horses while 10K hides his laughter behind a hand. Jerry rubs his head on my chest, nearly knocking me over. “Hey, I’ve never done this before,” I say. I rub Jerry’s forehead and he snorts and sneezes, a wet snort. “Ugh!”

“Just snot, Murphy. Change your shirt and you’ll be fine. And we have weed.”

“I could have just asked someone to get it.”

“Yeah but this was more fun.”

“You liked it,” 10K says.

“I don’t know if my balls will ever be the same,” I grouse.

10K laughs and puts Edgar on the ground. We walk into the house and I hear voices. In the library/den area sits Winters, Sun Mei, Warren, Vasquez, and Addy. I stop cold. WInters looks at me. “What’s going on?” I demand.

Addy looks guilty. “We’re trying to help,” Warren says.

“Help what? Certainly not me.” I study Winters.

“We are,” Addy insists.

“If you wanted to help me,” I slowly state, biting back anger. “I’d be involved.” Twisted, sick feelings uncurl in my stomach. I look at Doc and 10K. “So this is why you wanted to take me somewhere.”

“No!” Doc denies. “No way! We didn’t know!”

“Murphy, we’re trying to help.” Warren stands up. “No one wants you hurt.”

“Except the torturer you’re chatting with.” Warren sighs. “What help can he give?”

“He can tell us what happened,” Warren replies. “And why.”

“Why not talk to me?” I snarl. “Get out, WInters.”

“Because he knows the reason why the researchers did what they did.”

“Why does it matter? Nothing excuses what they did.”

“All those people alive would disagree,” Winters replies.

“My people,” I remind. I stare at his throat, think of ripping it out with my teeth.

“They are not your slaves!”

“We’ll see.”

“What the hell?” Vasquez demands. “What happened to you? Listen to yourself! You sound psychotic!”

“Maybe I am!”

“Stop it!” Doc steps to my side. “Murphy, this isn’t you.”

“What do you know?” I turn on him.

“We know you,” Doc said. “You don’t do this. You’re not cruel.” I stare at him. “Yeah, these people screwed you. We failed you. But you don’t need to fail yourself.” I blink. “Your blood saved these people, saved numerous people. You’re a hero.”

“He’s a lab rat.” Winters stands up. “Stop feeding the ego. He’s just a carrier.”

“Who can control people,” Sun Mei says. “Stop downplaying his role. Murphy’s blood and DNA allows us to save people. Delta team saved all these people.”

“And they’re mine. Don’t worry, I won’t treat them any worse than I was treated. Especially Bradley.”

“I will gut you.”

“Not this time,” i reply.

“Get. Over It.” Vasquez gets up and pushes to me. “Yes, these people broke all the agreements that were made,” he admits. “Yes they used you, we left you there, your boyfriend forgot you. So did your fucking fox. They were desperate, they saved people, we thought you were dead, he thought you were dead and he’s 20 and the women he’s been with are his age and way prettier than you. The fox is an animal. Your life sucks! Big deal. Get over it. No one can change that.”

“Why don’t you get over your dead wife and kid?” I throw out.

He’s not the only one who can slice with words.

The punch rocks me back. I grab Vasquez by the shirt front, tasting blood, feeling glad I hurt him. I twist and slam him into the wall. “You better watch the researchers close,” I hiss. “Anything can happen.”

“They needed a cure. That’s what you are!”

“Then deal with the side effects!”

“Enough!”

Warren’s there and 10K and they drag me back. Doc holds Edgar and Addy is between Vasquez and I. I feel myself shaking. Rage and yes, fear. I’m not a fighter, never have been. Usually I can intimidate. Vasquez and I--we always disliked each other.

_Get over it._

I feel Warren’s hand on my chest. She presses again and I step back. Then I spin. Screw this. Doc is there as is a short woman cradling an infant and Simon--Citizen Z. “Move,” I bark. The woman and Simon move aside.

“Murphy, wait!”

I sense the woman and child. They’re blends and so is Simon. Now. “You saved him,” Simon says. “The vaccine saved my son.”

“Good for you,” I say.

“He’s alive because of you,” Doc says.

“We wanted to say thank you,” the woman states. “I’m Kaya.”

Confusion is overtaking my rage. “Let me by,” I state.

“This is why we did what we did,” Winters says from behind me.

I have him on the floor in a heartbeat. “Not good enough,” I hiss. I grab his throat.

“We saved people,” Winters wheezes.

“You used me.” I grip harder.

A hard thump  in my ribs and I leap up. Kaya stands there, holding a heavy duty flashlight. “The scientists saved us,” she yells.

“I know what they did,” Simon says grabbing her. “And we heard what you lost. But it was worth it.”

“So you’d be willing to sacrifice yourself?” I ask.

“For my boy? Yes!”

“No, for strangers,” I respond. “For people who happily tie you to some stainless steel altar and let the dead eat you. For people who electrocute you so you’ll dance on their leash. You willing to do that, Citizen Z?”

He looks frightened but stares at me. “Yes. I’d sacrifice anything.”

I step closer, smiling. “How about your kid?”

“Enough, Murphy!” Warren  comes forward. “You’ve made our point, a million times over. It’s past.” I look at her.

“So I need to get over it?” I ask softly, quietly.

“We need to come to terms.”

“We?” I mock. “Who’s we? It’s me who was sacrificed. You even admitted that.”

“It was worth it,” Kaya says, holding her son again. “It was. Even if you paid the price.”

“Sure,” I snarl. “After all, I’m just a filthy ex con, right? Don’t worry, I’m sure Dr. Winters here won’t experiment on any blends now, will he?”

I shove past Doc,  walk into the cool evening air. Emotions fill the air and I use the rage to build my walls, push away pain. I ignore everyone, find myself on the edge of the town. I order some of the people on the wall to bring me a coat, weed, and weapons. I breathe in the sweet smoke, stare at the sunset.

Maybe I was wrong to expect anything better. After all, I know people. And trusting and loving someone? That’s insane. I quietly slip off into the dusk, avoiding everyone everywhere. I settle in a barn, stuffed with hay, a curious pony and a goat. Why not a bed? I don’t want anyone to find me. Here, I can feel as sorry for myself as I like. I let loose and sob, allow myself the luxury of tears. I don’t let myself do that much. Tonight I will.

I make a nest in the hay, cover it and myself in blankets and fall asleep with swollen eyes and clogged throat.

I wake up with small lumps of heat all around me. I jerk and cats scramble away, a few merely yawning. A shaggy mutt stands and stretches, trotting off with a wag of his tail. The scent of manure and animals hangs like a warm blanket, A wriggle of hay and Edgar pounces at me. I smile, rub his fur. Then I walk outside. Cold air swirls around me and I walk briskly to a tree. I light a blunt, inhale, and wonder where I can get food. And a hot bath. Glue for my shattered life.

“Already in the weed?” Doc walks towards me.

“Savior of humanity can do what he wants,” I retort. I breathe out. “You look beat.”

“Look at yourself. But, yeah,  friend of mine took off and sulked. I was worried.”

Touched, I look away. “Thanks,” I grunt. He edges closer.  “How’d you find me?”

“10K. He’s on the roof.”

Indeed, a thin figure is climbing down a wall. I shake my head, my heart fluttering. “Why?”

“Because, jackass, we care. Damn, Murph, I know you’ve been ripped apart and I know you’re pissed. But we’re here for you. And you need us. And us you. Family, man. And not like your family.”

“You know nothing about my family.”

“Older sister, mom, right? No dad?” I choke on an inhale. “We met Leo,” Doc says.

“Who?”

“Leo.”

“I don’t know a Leo.”

“Your stepfather,” 10K mutters. “We met him.”

“I don’t have a stepfather. Never did.” I finish the weed. “Leon? That old prick is still alive? Christ. That’s life. Everyone else dies and that bastard is alive.” 10K looks exhausted, shadow eyed and skin a little grey. “He dated my mother a while. That’s it. You ok, kid?”

“You’re an asshole,” 10K spits out.

“Yeah but you followed me.”

“You are a dick.” 10K scowls at me.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m tired and dirty.” 10K leans down, feeds Edgar something. “What happened to your nose?”

“What?” I feel my nose. “I’m fine.”

“It’s bloody.” Doc frowns. “Headaches again?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Come clean up. You smell like a barn.” 10K reaches out, grabs my elbow. “Ass.” I grin at him because it annoys him more. And it warms me--he cares.

Soon I shower and then soak in a hot bath. When I emerge, I pat myself dry, flinching as rough towel rubs the soft scars of my back. “Got your clothes,” Addy says as she comes in. “Hey, warn me!”

“Knock,” I say, wrapping the towel around my waist.

“Did you send out for clothes? Because a number of people brought some.” She frowns. “Do you want help?” She steps close. I jerk away. I trust her yet ...

“No.”

A crushed look fills her face. I dress slowly. My head starts a faint ache again. “I know you’re hurting.” Addy starts.

“Why are you here?”

“What you said to Vasquez--really wrong. And what he said to you was wrong. You’ve proven your point. When is this going to end, Murphy?”

“When I’m satisfied,” I retort.

“When is that? When everyone else hurts like you?”

I turn to her, surprise in every pore. Is that what I want? Maybe so. “Yes,” I whisper. “When everyone hurts like me.”

Her eyes well with tears.

 


	14. 14

My head throbs, beating along with my heart. I press my fingers against my eyes. A hand grips my elbow and I lurch away. “Let me help,” Sun Mei states. I actually bare my teeth at her then look away in embarrassment. I'm not an animal and she isn't one who hurt me personally.

“Why?” I mutter.

“I’m not here to hurt you. In here.” She gestures to a room and I shake my head. “I’m only going to make sure you’re not concussed, having a stroke, okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“I’ll be here.” Doc appears. I nod. 

She checks my heart, my blood pressure. “Blood pressure is high. I want you to know something,” she states. “When we spoke before, you didn’t let me finish. Dr. Merch and the others had developed a serum to revert you back to human. They used that, then a new vaccine. The zombies were a test. If they continued to eat you, she’d know the original vaccine was gone and the new vaccine could be used.”

“And I’d be dead!”

“No, the vaccine would cure the infection. You’d be healed, normal. You woke up much faster than anyone expected and well, somehow that new serum and vaccine did something. It opened your mental connections more, I believe. And the original vaccine worked with them as well. What you are is a mutant, someone different than anyone could imagine. You're not human."

“Like Spiderman,” Doc exclaims.

“Great,” I mutter.

“It explains the interest in embryology,” Doc continues. “Mutants can pass on their genes.”

“Yes,” Sun Mei agrees.

“I’m not some creature you breed for your experiments!”

‘No, you’re not. But you are a fascinating subject.”

“What about his headaches?” Doc asks.

“That could be anything. Migraines, reactions to controlling people, simply being removed from the labs. While we have power, we don’t have a working MRI and I’m not a neurologist. An X ray may help .”

“No,” I state.

“Murphy, if it…”

“I want some time, ok? I’ve been free less than 72 hours!”

Doc studies me. Sun Mei examines my eyes and ears but then I leave.  I end up in front of a fireplace with Edgar and the snarly Tux. 10K joins me and we actually cuddle. It’s weird and sweet and reminds me painfully that A. I haven’t had sex for almost a year and B I really have no idea how to cuddle. It’s not hard but I’m clumsy and awkward, like a 16 year old virgin. 10K chuckles and blows in my ear and finally I sink down, him in my arms and watch the flames. We are silent, me relaxing in his presence.  10K sits halfway on my lap, leaning against my chest.

I stroke his hair, hold him close.

I wonder how he feels but I’m at peace, kissing his neck from time to time. He snickers, actually giggles once when I nibble. His hands trail over my chest and occasionally he rubs my legs. “Easy,” I murmur. “You’re getting awfully close.”

“Huh?” Then he grins and drops his hand on my stiffening cock.

“Jesus, 10K!”

“Bet you’d like me to do things to you. Roll you in front of the fire, lick you, suck you….”

I growl and thrust against him, kissing his neck. In five minutes, I’m climaxing in his hands and he’s laughing. “It has been nearly a year,” I mutter, blood filling my face. He chuckles, kisses me. Soon we’re pulling off clothes and rolling on the rug by the fire.

He tastes like I imagine wind would taste like, clean and cool and free. It's like I remembered but more and I lick and nibble each new scar. We fit together better than my memories and he gasps my name as I swallow him down. I moan against him as he touches me, making my skin throb. It’s rushed, almost frantic, but eventually slows into a strong rhythm and thrusting. The firelight tints our skins orange red and the crackling merges with our groans and gasps.

We finally curl together, legs entangled and his head on my chest. He pulls a blanket over us and I smile. He kisses me, dozes as I cuddle him. The scent of woodsmoke swirls over us, 10K’s hair tickles my chin and neck. I listen to his heart. It’s only when my back starts cramping and stomach growling that 10K moves. “That was incredible,” he whispers.

I nod. “I need another shower.”

“And food.”

He gets up, pulls me to my feet. I study him. “If you don’t want me to bend you over the couch, stop looking at me like that,” he says, cheeks red, eyes bright.

“Where did that come from?” I blurt. I find myself smiling. “Little pervert.”

“Little isn’t what you were saying.”

I laugh aloud and his face lights. “Let’s eat,” I state. I stroll to the door.

“Murphy, put on some pants.” I chuckle and pull on my now rumpled, dirty clothes. 10K runs his hands over my back and I quiver. I turn and look at him, trying to see the future, anything in his face, his eyes. I see care, happiness, tenderness. No answers but plenty of emotion. “What?” he asks.

“Nothing.”

Opening the door and stepping forward is walking into a grimy new world. Vasquez is cleaning weapons and Doc is packing food and clothes. “Well, look who’s alive!” Doc says happily.

10K turns red and I nod. Vasquez and I side eye each other. “Your slaves are outside the door, Master Murphy,” Vasquez mocks.

“Knock it off,” Addy says as she comes into the room.

“Have a better word?”

“Grateful,” I retort. “I saved them.”

“Awesome. You’re their messiah then.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Go shower,” Addy says, crinkling her nose. “You two smell like sex.”

10K turns scarlet to his hairline. “Hope you used a condom,” Vasquez says. “God knows what Murphy has after all the researchers and guests had him.” 10K jerks and I freeze.

“Vasquez!” Addy’s eyes glitter.

“You know he was pimped out, right? Warren said…”

10K yanks me back, stands toe toe to with Vasquez. “Leave him alone.” It’s a growl, dark and nasty. Excitement, pleasure rolls through me then black rage as Vasquez continues

“I’m saying he was whored out, 10K.  I’m not blaming him, just warning you.”

Screams echo through the windows. We all scramble aside, grabbing weapons. “Easy,” Doc says, looking at me oddly. “Murphy, is that you? Are you...hell!” He lunges at me, pressing a cloth to my face. I struggle back, pushing him away in raw panic. “You’re bleeding,” he says. 

“Oh."

I press the handkerchief to my nose, gasp as burning sears through my skull. “OK, Addy, get the stuff,” Doc orders. “Try to calm those people, Murphy. 10K, you and Murphy get changed while we get prepared.”

“For what?” I demand.

“We’re going scouting.”

“The hell I am.”

“You are,” Doc barks. “Move, 10K.” 10K grabs my arm as I stare at the new, forceful Doc.

In a few minutes, I’m stripped and in a hot shower. “Why are we going out?” I whine.

“Murphy, we’ll find out. Shower.”

“I wasn’t whored out,” I state. I control my voice.  “I didn’t have sex with any of those people. With anyone.”

10K slides his hands over my cheeks. “I don’t care if you did,” he rasps out. “Only if they forced you. Not your fault, Murphy.”

I smile. I shove him against the wall, kiss him hard and run my hands over his shoulders.

When we’re dressed, we join the others. Warren gestures and we step outside. I’m pushed into a SUV with 10K squished beside me. Edgar scrambles onto 10K’s lap and we all settle in as Doc drives.  Addy is in the passenger seat, Tux in the back. “Why are we scouting?” I ask. "You just came in."

“We have a job, Murph. Now that you’re free, you need to learn to do stuff.” Doc grins.

“I control people. They can do the stuff.  I did save them.”

10K looks at me. “You need to learn to survive.”

“I can.”

We start traveling to the edge of town and I spot a large mob of people. They’re my blends and I feel their anxiety like thousands of spikes in my brain. I gasp, try to calm them. They stand aside. “Holy cow. They’re all here for Murphy?” Addy asks.

“They don’t want him to leave.” Warren looks at me. “Can you…”

“They’re already standing aside,” I say. “I’d like to know where we’re going.”

“A nearby community,” Doc says. “You get some fresh air.”

“Great,” I mutter. I yawn and lean against the window. The cool glass eases the pulsing and then I smell pepper. “Who has pepper?” I ask.

Addy’s eyes widen. She looks at Warren then 10K.  She grabs the CB mic and talks in it. I try to listen but buzzing fills my head and the scent of lemons fills the air. I look at 10K, Vasquez. “Lemons,” I mutter. “It smells like lemons now.”

“Addy?” Warren asks.

“He’s right,” Addy says, watching me curiously. Everyone is watching me. 10K alone appears confused. I stiffen, hand clenching on the door handle. Terror shoots through me. Where are they going? What is happening? My fingers clench the latch. Esgar stands, nudges me.

“No,” 10K states, grabbing me. “It’s okay! Nothing bad is happening.”

I look at him and suddenly see a small room, large bed, and Kaya, Simon’s wife stroll in, wearing nothing but a smile. I yelp and claw my eyes. Doc pulls over. “What the fuck?” I sputter as 10K grabs me. “What is going on? Why am I seeing what Simon is?”

“”Look at me,” Warren orders, grasping my chin. 10K holds my hands. “Can you still see or smell that?”

“No.” I look into her face. “What is going on?”

“We had Simon try to reach out to you as he’s a blend now. Apparently, he connected.”

“What? There’s not enough in my head and I have to see other people naked?!”

“What?” 10K is astonished and jealous, I believe.

“He connected with me and Kaya came in the room naked. I don’t want to see naked people and what if she connects with me and I have to see Simon naked? There’s not enough brain bleach for that!”

“It’s all right,” Warren says soothingly. Doc starts the car and we drive. “We needed to see just what you can do.”

“STOP EXPERIMENTING ON ME!”

Everyone shrinks back somewhat. 10K swallows hard, leans on me. I wrap an arm around his shoulders. I felt myself trembling against him. The rest of the ride is silent until Doc pulls over at a collection of cabins. “You are joking,” I state as Doc starts unloading.

“Nope.”

“We left running water and power for garden sheds? Why?”

“They’re not sheds,” Addy states.

“It doesn’t matter!”

“Running water is the creek behind the cabins,” Warren says.

“You’re kidding. Why in hell are we here? What can we get here that isn’t back where there are houses and indoor toilets?”

“You get me,” 10K says, tossing me a sleeping bag. I pause.

“Touche.”

We make camp quickly. Soon we’re eating by a campfire as night falls and bats come out. “They’re coming back,” I mumble.

“Yeah, as the zs vanish, the animals are coming back,” Doc says. He hands me a hot dog.

“Where did you get this?”

“Pigs did ok,” Vasquez states.

“Can people eat it without compounding the virus?” I ask.

“We can now,” Addy says.

“It’s a blend pig,” 10K admits.

“WHAT?”

“Spoiled vaccine was tried on the animals. Viola. Blend pigs, cattle, horses, etc.”

I give the hot dog to 10K. “All yours.”

I watch the fire as the others eat. It’s so familiar, as though we’d stepped into the past. Scavenging for food, huddling in shacks or under trees, staring into flames. We spent over three years doing this, running from place to place. “OK, Doc, why are we here?” Vasquez asks finally.

“A lot of reasons. Main one is for us to reconnect.” He looks around.

“And for you two to become damn adults.” Warren stares hard at Vasquez and me. “We are together and will be. You two need to deal with each other. And stop being jackasses.”

“He’s an asshole.”

“Look in the mirror,” I snap.

“Stop it.” Addy hisses. “We completed the mission and now we’re family and we will act like it!”

“We’ll stab each other in the back as soon as possible?” I ask moodily. “I mean, family, right?”

“Your family was fucked up,” Vasquez snorts.

“OK, Leon probably told you a bunch of bullshit.” I glare at him. “My family was OK.”

“He said you went to juvie,” Vasquez says.

“He should know, he sent me there,” I retort. Eyes widen. “I was 11,” I say, poking the fire and tossing a cracker to Edgar.

“What did you do?” Addy blurts.

“Shoplifted,” I mutter.

“You don’t go to juvie for shoplifting,” Warren sputters.

“You do when Leon is a cop and hates you and knows the judge,” I shoot back. “Add in I caught him eyeballing my sister,yeah, I was sentenced to juvie. For a _year_.”

People gaze at me, eyes wide.

“Huh. Never knew white boys went to juvie,” Warren teases. I roll my eyes at her.

“And your mom?” 10K asks in an odd, hesitating way.

“Upset. I learned a lot there. When I got out, I could pick a lock and knew where to get a job delivering pot.” I shrug. “Leon reappeared when I was 17 or so. He and my mother went out a few more times, I went to county for three months for pot and when I got out, I moved in with a buddy of mine.”

“You were a thug from the get go,” Vasquez mutters.

“It was pot, so what? Who cares about a little weed?”

“He’s got a point,” Doc says.

When we go to sleep, I’m with 10K. He looks at the rickety bed and I drop on it. “It’s holding.” I say.

“Okay. But it’s two of us and we move.”

I grin. “Yes, we do.” I pull him down to me.

We send that time exploring each other. He smells  like soap and me and I ache to soak in each inch of him. He has his own plans as well--when he rolls me under him, I’m startled by his strength and command. We mate like beasts--rough, grabby, but there’s always a core of tenderness. When he moans out my name as I push deep inside him, all I feel is love. When he does the same to me, I hope he feels the same. We finally fall asleep, only to wake up to Doc’s calling our names. “You have to be kidding,” I groan.

“Come on. We’ll wash up in the stream.

“There better not be leeches,” I mutter.

What there is is water straight from a glacier, I swear. I yowl and Edgar leaps towards me, stopping at the bank and chattering at me. “Just be quick,” 10K says through chattering teeth.

“And why aren’t we back with hot water?” I complain.

“Hurry up,” Addy says as she comes over. 10K dives under the water.

“Hey, some privacy, please!”

“You’ve got nothing I want, Murphy.” Addy stalks off.

“Hey! I’m sexier than hell!”

10K sputters and laughs, splashing me and swimming to shore. We hurriedly dress. After eating, Warren and I go one way while the others go another. Edgar whines and I send him with 10K. We travel through woods, interrupted only by birdsong. I kick leaves. “What are we doing?” I demand.

“Addy told me what you said.”

“That I’m sexier than hell? Well, I am.”

I get a look. “Don’t play stupid.”

“I talk to Addy a lot, Warren.”

Warren turns around and shakes her head at me. “I said don’t.”

I roll my eyes. “OK, are we talking about the whoring out comments?”

“No,” Warren says. “But I’ll talk to Vasquez again.”

“What do you want?”

“You want people to hurt.”

I sigh. “Yes?”

“You were never cruel, Murphy. Lazy, an pain in the ass, but I never worried you’d hurt people. You now want revenge and payback. I worry.”

“Don’t I deserve it?! I was tortured!”

“You’ve said that. I understand,” Warren patiently say. “But what do you want, Murphy? You can’t expect people to let you torture them in return.”

“Why not? I don’t do the whole saint thing, Roberta.”

“You said you were a messiah.”

“I’m a vengeful god. Look, I want something in return! People to fetch and carry for me--well, ok. I’ll take that. And it’s not much to ask!”

“The vaccinated did nothing to you!”

“So are you going to let me attack the researchers? Because you’ve been preventing that.”

“They saved people,” she grinds out through clenched teeth.

“So what? They used me.” I grab her hand, place it on my wrist. “You feel those scars? That’s where my skin tore from the cuffs. My skin melted in spots because I was shocked so much from that collar. Want to see the back bite marks?”

Her eyes darken. “Stop it! What do you want  from us?”

“To give a damn! Jesus, why are you so insistent on protecting those people? Had it been Addy or 10K, anyone but me you would carve out their lungs!” The flinch back is unexpected but I drink it in. I hit home with that.

“We care,” she says.

“No. You cared for a cure. Doc was the only friend I had then 10K and that took a lot. And Edgar. You completed the mission. I was, am, a means to an end. What’s carrying you and Addy now? Guilt. Because you are responsible for this.” I slap my chest.

“You are such an idiot. Yes, I care!”

“Don’t lie, it’s unbecoming. You’ve always been honest.”

Her face changes. “If I could go back in time,” she starts.

“You can’t.” I interrupt.

“If I could,” she continues, silencing me with a withering glare. “I’d go back to that scared little 11 year boy, heading to juvenile hall and hug him. I’d tell him not to be scared because it would be all right and I’d help with the nightmares. I’d be there, make sure he didn’t carry that rage at being abandoned throughout his life.”

“I said not to lie.” I look at the trees then back to her trying to contain my bitterness and hurt.  “You had that chance. If you remember, I was chewed on when you first met me.”

“So?” _She really doesn’t get it._

“No one helped me through those nightmares. In fact, people screamed at me for them.”  _Don't you remember? You were furious with me._

Shock fills her face. I stomp off through the grass. I remember those days and nights--they still fill my dreams. I was eaten and every z I saw made me almost piss myself. Mack used to kick my ankle when I screamed in my sleep and everyone saw me as a coward. Which I was, I know--I ran whenever the zombies approached. And now, it’s back--nowhere near as bad but I shake when I hear teeth clicking.

I lean against a tree and quake. Christ, what a thing. Warren approaches, silently stands beside me until I push off the tree and we walk through the woods. Doc suddenly appears with a bunch of green leafy stuff hanging from a basket. “Hey, I found garlic! Let’s get to Briarwood. The others took the SUV there.”

“What is Briarwood?” I ask.

“It’s a nearby community.”

“Get some more herbs,” Warren orders. “I’ll let the others know we’re coming.”

“WHy do we keep splitting up?” I ask the air.

“Come on.” Doc gestures to a patch of green plants.

“What am I supposed to be harvesting?”

“Come on, I’ll show you.”

I harvest some and we walk over the hill. There is a cluster of mean look houses and shacks. “What is this?” I ask. It looks rundown, shabby.

“Briarwood. This is one of the towns we thought would be something you might like.”

“It’s a dump! I said power and running water. This is like some dust bowl Hooverville.”

“It’s got some nice places. And one building has solar."

“No. Take me back.” I inhale. A warm coziness fills my head. “They’re all blends?” I ask startled.

“How’s your head?’

I touch my forehead. “It isn’t hurting.”

“OK, good.”

“Doc!”

A leggy figure sprints to us and Doc’s face cracks into a huge smile. “Sarge!” he yells and hugs the lean woman. I gaze at the short haired woman. Pretty enough and I bit my lip. “So good to see you,” Doc exclaims

“You too! Are the others here?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

She grins. “10K? I’ve missed him.” Her tone is playful and I clench my hands.

“He’s here,” Doc says then seems to remember me. “Ah, th…”

“We have supplies,” I say smoothly. “Do you have room for us?”

She looks at me. “Ah, sure, I guess. Doc, do you have vaccine?”

“I have the usual 30 vials.”

“Crap. I radioed fo double that.” She shrugs. “Well. I’ll grab a ride back with you if I can. We have a few groups we need to vaccinate.”

“Groups?” Doc asks.

“Yeah. We’re hoping they’ll help expand Briarwood.”

“Do you have power, running water?” I ask.

“This isn’t pre z,” Sarge says. “We’ve built a bathhouse. And everyone has to have a garden and work in the fields unless they trade their skills. The meeting hall has power."

“Great,” I say sarcastically.

“Everyone will be thrilled you guys are back,” she tells Doc. “We’ll find some stuff to celebrate.”

“Celebrate?” I echo.

“Oh, yea. Without Delta, we wouldn’t be around. Any of us. They delivered the vaccine. Well, they delivered it to the researchers to make the vaccine. Doc, Vasquez, 10K, Warren, Addy--everyone recognizes what they did. Over three years!”

Doc must sense the burning in my blood. He touches my arm. “They delivered _it,_ ” I repeat.

“Yeah and then the vaccine was developed. Humanity has a chance now. All thanks to Delta.”

“It wasn’t just us,” Doc nervously says, looking at me.

“Don’t be modest,” I snark. “You delivered _it_ to the scientists. Be proud.”

“Hey, Lydia had her baby. A girl. Named her Roberta. You should see her and Bobbi.”

“Bobbi?” I ask. “Warren has a namesake.”

“People name their kids after a lot. It was her or Dr. Merch, Lydia said.”

Buzzing in my ears, ringing. Not from the blends but from the thought of anyone believing she was someone to be admired. “Merch.”

“She made the vaccine.”

“I know. She was something else.” My voice sounds odd, low, taut. Sarge tilts her head,

“You knew her?”

“Intimately,” I grumble. “She was more than you think.”

“You should tell us about her.”

“Oh, I’m not good with fairy tales.”

Sarge stares at me, fresh and pretty and with eyes that remind me of 10K. “We’d love to hear about her,” she assures me.

I grunt. “We found garlic,” Doc says abruptly.

“Terrific! Take it to Cindy and Jake.”

“Jake made it? All right!”

“We used the vaccine.” Sarge looks embarrassed. “We doubled it and it worked. I know you said it’s no substitute for medicine but it worked.”

“Is that why you use so much?” Doc asks.

“Not usually. We’re getting more people. It’s exciting.”

“Going to be a problem since the vaccine production has stopped,” I state. Sarge whirls.

“What? No one mentioned an issue. Why?”

“An essential part of the vaccine is no longer available,” I state.

“A snag,” Doc soothes. “We’ll be fine.”

“A snag?” I blurt.

“We have some in reserve.” Doc nudges me. “It’ll be fine.”

“That’s huge, Doc. We need the vaccine for people! What happened? No one mentioned anything on the radio.”

“Lab explosion.” I smile at her.

“Doc!” Several people head our way.

“Oh, go visit your friends,” I say sweetly to Doc. “Sarge and I can take the herbs to the kitchen.”

“Sure,” Sarge says.

“I should go with you.”

I push Doc away. “We’ll be fine,” I assure.

He opens his mouth but a woman grabs his arm and I gesture to Sarge. We walk toward a tall building. “Who are you?”

“Doc or the others never mentioned the other people of Delta?”

Her brow furrows. “Like Cassandra and Mack? Sure, some, but we don’t talk about the dead. It really seems to bother them. I know there were others as well.”

“Good to know the dead weren’t totally forgotten.”

“You and Doc been together long?”

“We’re old friends.”

Her face brightens. “Like Sketchy and Skeezy?”

‘Nothing like those two morons,” I retort. “Well, I guess Doc is friends with them but I’m not an idiot like them.”  I stop, look at her, can almost see the gossamer threads binding us. She’s mine, I own her and I can order her to do anything, to leave 10K, to scrub the floors, anything. She’s a fighter but I can…  
I shake my head. If 10K chooses her, he chooses her and I want him to choose me. And yes, I could make her pay but this trashy little hamlet isn’t a temptation at all. Anger sings through me and I feel like hitting her but I won’t.  Then she darts off yelling 10K’s name and I clench my teeth together. She leaps on him, kissing him wildly, and I close my eyes. I could tear her apart…

I slowly put down the garlic on the building’s doorstep. I can sense everyone here, the now familiar brushes of emotions and thoughts. I bite back rage, build up walls. In so many ways, I feel more alone than in my cell. I fight back the urge to yank Sarge from 10K, ache to grind my teeth into her. A hand grasps my shoulder.

“Don’t.” It’s ragged, a gasp. “Don’t.”

A rough hug. “You’re doing good, Murph,” Doc says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“I could crush her, all of them.”

“I know.” I stand still for a few moments, see 10K step back from her.  Then I step forward. “Don’t!” Doc cries.

“There’s more than one way to pike a zombie. Trust me.”

I stride to 10K, brushing past people and twisting around Sarge. I see Warren, along with Addy and I grasp 10K’s shoulders and I kiss him. It’s deep and sweet and I do it fairly fast because I can taste his surprise and a little bit of annoyance.  I turn my head to Sarge. “My name is Murphy,” I tell her and the curious crowd. “Or the Murphy if you prefer. 10K is mine. And I _don’t share_.”

“You’re a dick,” 10K mutters, face red. He buries his face against my neck. I embarrassed him but he didn’t punch  me. I squeeze him close and his teeth close on my neck.

“Bastard,” I huff out as I arch. His lips curve into a smile against my skin.

He pulls back and I step aside. “This is Murphy? But he’s dead,” Sarge blurts, eyes huge.

“We were told he was dead. They lied,” 10K explains.

“This is Murphy,” Warren agrees. The crowd mutters, stares.

I hear a small clicking, realize it as someone holstering a weapon. I see Vasquez removing his hand from his holster. He see me, knows I know. I glare, tell him with my eyes that we’ll talk later. Then I grab Edgar and lean against the SUV. Sarge shakes her head at 10K.

“You’re the carrier,” a man exclaims.

“The vaccine is due to me, yes,” I say. “Well, through my body.”

“We can all survive zombies now,” another man said. “The researchers saved us.”

I roll my eyes, open my mouth.  “Come on, Murphy,” Addy says, grabbing my arm. “Let’s set up our bedrolls.”

“Hey! “

I look at 10K who nods slightly. I curl my lip but follow Addy. In a small, battered but clean house, we set up our sleeping bags. As we finish, Vasquez strides in. He reeks of annoyance. “Had to make it all about you, didn’t you Murphy?”

“What?

“We supposed to be delivering stuff and checking out sites.”

“This is not what I told you I wanted,” I remind him. “And I’ll kiss 10K whenever I want or he wants.”

“Leave it, Vasquez,” Addy orders.

It’s an odd night. Warren is quiet, watching me with her deep eyes and 10K is broody but not angry. We snuggle together like cats for heat and Edgar flops beside me. I awake in the night, damp from sweat, a scream echoing still in the air, and with 10K shaking me. I hear the scratch of a match and a lantern is lit. “Holy cats, Murphy,” Doc’s voice can be heard.

“Go to sleep,” I snap. 10K pulls me against him and I bend my head, panting as I press against his chest.

“Is this nightly?” Warren sounds concerned and nearby. I feel 10K nod.

“It’ll pass,” I grunt. I reach out to pet Edgar who wiggles under my fingers. “Just go to sleep.”

Warm arms encircle me and I smell Warren. “It’s going to be all right,” she murmured. “No one will hurt you anymore.”

I cringe, trembling again. Thomas, yeah, I believe him. I don’t dare trust more. I want to but…

10K holds me tighter as Warren rubs my back. Then she leaves, settles back down and 10K holds me. I know I need to stop this--it’s embarrassing and frankly I don’t know how I’ll look anyone in the eye after this. I listen to Thomas’ heart beat and wonder if I should run. Take Edgar and tear off into the shadows,,,

He wraps a leg over me. “I’m here,” he mutters.”Go to sleep.” He strokes my scalp. “Remind me to punch whoever shaved your head.”

“Be there when I wake,” I whisper.

“Yeah, I will.”

I drift back into nebulous sleep. When I wake, 10K is firmly around me, draped over me like Spanish moss. A scraping of metal and I smell food and woodsmoke. I stretch and 10K wakes. He’s hard against my hip and I chuckle.

“While I’d happily help you with your little problem,” I rumble.”I don’t think we’re alone.”

“Jerk.”

He rubs against me once and I laugh, rolling over to pull him on top of me. He is bleary eyed but he’s smiling and I kiss him. A wave of love surges through me and I clutch him hard, tight, for two heartbeats, no more. “You ok?” he asks. I nod and he stands. We both dress quickly.

I don’t know what to think when Doc announces we’re leaving. 10K drifts off to talk to Sarge. I watch warily. "Good job, " Vasquez states as Sarge's face pales and she wipes tears. 10K hugs her. "She was good for him."

"So am I."

Vasquez shakes his head. "Yeah, he's thrilled."

"Piss off."

Warren steps to me, takes my hand. "We're not leaving you."

"I know.  At least for two years."

We load up and Edgar leaps into my lap. I wrap an arm around him. He smells like woodsmoke and a bit like ham and we drive off.

We spend two weeks dodging weird ass hunters, zs, and visiting the other towns that the group found. “None of these compare to what I have,” I state to Warren. “They’re mostly falling down. Let’s go back there.”

“Murphy, it’s better for you out here.”

“Gee, I didn’t know you’d become my mother,” I snip. “I’m fine. Headaches gone, the blends we meet aren’t able to get through. I’m good.”

She sighs, looks at me. “Why am I getting the feeling you want to go back to tear into some poor scientist?” I shrug.

“I haven’t torn anyone up. I haven’t yelled at anyone, not really. I didn’t touch Sarge. “

“Well aren’t you special. Newsflash, you don’t get good guy points for behaving like a decent human being.”

I mutter. “Look, the places aren’t it, all right? Power, running water--civilization. And I can run it.”

“Give some place a chance. Two have power and running water. Besides, you need more scouting skills."

"I have a weapon. And I'm good with it." I am, actually. I have a cane sword now. I've practiced and can take out zombies as needed. Add in I can control them as well, I'm pretty safe. The others laughed when I got it but not anymore. 

‘Warren!” We turn at Vasquez's yell.

Four strangers are approaching. Four men, heavily armed, gaze at us. I sense 10K is somewhere around but don’t see him. “Can we help you?” Warren asks.

“I’m Roy, this is Ray, Pat, and Jeb. We’re here for the Murphy.”

“What for?” Doc exclaims. “The vaccine is made.”

‘He’s the cure,” Roy says, eyes me like a slab of meat. “He’s the lifesblood of anyone lucky enough to have him.”

“You need vaccine, we can help,” Warren states.

“Why get eggs when you can have the whole chicken”” the one called Jeb laughs. I hear a snarl and then a scream. Jeb’s booted foot slams down on Edgar with a crack.

The world goes still. Beyond rage, beyond pain. I pull my sword from the cane and shove past Warren. Without hesitation, I ram the sword completely into Jeb’s chest, easily piercing the heart and I twist the blade. Metal against bone. I yank it out. Then I slash across Roy’s throat. Blood arcs out, splattering my face in warm lines. It splashes along dead leaves.

“I have him, Murphy. He’s alive.  I think his leg is broke but we’ll set it.” Doc.

I nod, not taking my eyes from the two living men. Pale white faces with huge eyes and one lifting his gun only to stop when 10k’s voice states “I wouldn’t.”  I imagine he has his rifle leveled. I smell the blood, mentally order the two new zombies to stay still. I lift the stained sword then sheath it. “Better idea.”

I sink my teeth into the cheek of one of the men. “Murphy….” Warren says quietly. I lift my head, stare at her.

“Just this one.” I step back, walk to Doc. Edgar whimpers in Doc’s arms and I pet him. He cries out and I turn back to the strangers. Vasquez appears, pointing to the SUV.

“Take care of Edgar,” Vasquez orders. I narrow my eyes but I see 10K. 10K nods and Doc and I go in the SUV. To my surprise, Doc quickly manages to care for Edgar, sedating him, setting the swollen leg, and injecting him with a painkiller, he explains. “How did you learn this?” I blurt,stomach knotted.

“I met a vet,” Doc smiled. “I know it’s scary, Murphy, but we’ll fix him.”

“I should slaughter them all,” I mutter. I stroke the soft fur. “He was defending me.” Doc sighs. The smell of antiseptic fills the air. I hold Edgar, burying my trembling fingers in Edgar’s fur. Doc cleans and sits beside me. Edgar’s flanks rise and fall. I stroke his ears. “Don’t die,” I whisper.

An arm snakes around my shoulders. I lean against Doc, clutch Edgar tighter. Voices echo around us but I hold Edgar. Rage wars with fear and despair. 10K comes into the SUV and looks at Doc and I. Silently he hands out water canteens to us and I sip. Edgar yelps and whimpers. I caress his back.

Addy’s head pokes in through the open driver’s door. “He ok?” she asks.

“Still out of it,” Doc says. Tux bounds into the SUV, hisses, then sniffs Edgar. Tux settles beside Edgar on my knee and grooms Edgar’s head. Edgar jerks, trembles then whimpers and opens his eyes. He cries out, scrabbles up my chest, and begins licking my face, encrusted with dried blood. I bend over him, gurgle his name.

“Thank you, Doc” I whisper. I blink at him, feeling tears leak down my cheeks.

“Anytime, man.”  Doc pets Edgar.

“Here, go wash up,” 10K says. He holds out his arms and I realize he’s terrified, just like I am. I release Edgar to him and Edgar licks his face. When he strokes Edgar’s fur with shaking hands, it hits me between my eyes--Edgar has been with 10K (and the rest of the team) longer than he has been with me.  And they love him.

I get out of the car, legs shaking. Then I walk over to Warren and Vasquez who stand near two men and two mercied zombies. “You didn’t have to mercy them,” I say. “I could have used them.”

“How’s Edgar?”

“Alive.”

Warren nods. “They wanted you to provide blood for the vaccine,” she says. “And they have sick people.”

“You would be our ticket to Beaumont,” the unbitten man states. “We’d be safe.”

“I’m not yours,” I state.

“Take your people,” Vasquez says. “The town will help. We’ll tell them to help.” I snort.

“We have some medicine,” Warren states.

“Not any more,” I challenge. “Edgar needed a lot.”

“He’s like 15 pounds!”

“Lots of meds.”

“Please, a little vaccine,” the man begs. “We have 11 people in our group. Four kids are now fatherless.”

“They needed better fathers,” I retort. There’s nothing stirring in me except anger. The men I killed deserved to die. The man cowers.

Vasquez glares at me. I curl my lip, feeling the dried blood crack. I must look like a very sloppy vampire or cannibal. I turn and walk away to clean up. Using a bottle of water, I soak a cloth and scrub my face. I head to the SUV. We head back to Beaumont. I hold Edgar, who chews at his bandage now and then. 10K leans over to pet him from time to time.

As we near the town, terror, rage, fear pours through my mind. They’re calling, panicking, reaching out for me. I shudder, try to filter through the chaos. There’s also pain, delight in causing terror, joy in hitting someone. Flashes of men in black, heavily armed. Images, the feeling of flesh hitting flesh. Someone’s ribs under my boot. “The Zeros?” I exclaim. Vasquez turns to me.

“What?” he demands. I look at him.

“We’ve been invaded,” I state. I shake my head again. “The Zeros attacked.” I blink. The conflicting emotions, images start to gel. I think I understand now. “And they have all been vaccinated.”

I start laughing.

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	15. 15

The SUV swerves and Warren curses. I look out. Men in black, all heavily armed. “Zeros,” Vasquez states. There's a smell of burning in the air and I spot a burning shed and people tossing water on it.

“Murphy?” Warren eyes me.

“Mine,” I say as they approach. “Let’s see where they take us.”

We end up in a large auditorium crowded with people. My head starts aching yet I focus on the large man in the chair on the top of the stage, like a throne. Winters is beside him. “These are the people?”  the Zero asks.

“That’s Delta,” Winters says. “I need them all, Escorpion, but Murphy most of all.”

“That’s Escorpion?” I whisper to Vasquez, He nods, face hard.

“Dr. Winters believes he needs you, Mr. Murphy.” Escorpion sounds arrogant, confident. _He's a dick. This is going to be fun._ Excitement starts running through me.

“Winters also believes in torture,” I state. “Why are the Zeros here ,Doc?” I smile. “Tribute late?”

“What?” Doc--our Doc-- asks.

“You pay tribute?” Warren asks Winters.

“We protect,” Escorpion corrects. “And are paid for it. But Dr. Winters states they lost the vaccine. So you are needed.”

“That’s so sweet,” I say pulling my lips back into a tight smile.

“He thinks you are the key,” Escorpion says.

I send out thoughts, feel attention and emotions all directed on me. I suck that in, grab the lines of power. “I think,” I say slowly, fighting back my grin. ‘You’re in my chair.” I send out commands to everyone and I hear guns clicking and bodies shifting. I walk up to the stunned Escorpion. “These are my people. And Winters is an idiot.” I gesture but Escorpion is staring past me. I drape myself in the chair. “A gift, Vasquez,” I slowly say, seeing guns all pointed at Escorpion. “Weapons on the ground, Escorpion--what is your name?” I push into his mind.

“Hector.”

“Ok, Hector. All weapons down.”

He places a few guns and knives on the floor, “Down there,” I direct him off the stage. “Yours, Vasquez. I don’t care what you do but he’ll be normal--I’ll release him and you two battle it out. Kill him or not, I don’t care. Of course, he may kill you. I’ll simply hold back everyone else.” I grab Winters’ arm. “Don’t run away, Doctor.”

Vasquez eyes me, Hector, trembling visibly. I release Escorpion, hold back the others. Vasquez lunges. I watch the fight while never letting Winters go. I can feel more people approaching. Emotion floods me and I crest it, push it underneath me. My head pounds but I ignore it, hold the people. Vasquez, bleeding from his mouth, twists and pounds Hector against the floor. Vasquez slaps a knife against Hector’s neck, looks at me, blood dribbling down his chin.

“I don’t care,” I say, settling back in the chair. “Kill him.” I shrug. “Or not.” I push down the burning in my skull. It’s like a balloon, slowly inflating along and on nerves. Sparks of pain, pressure grinding.  Vasquez looks down at Hector back at me.

“I’m not killing him for your pleasure,” he spits out.

“Fine. He did slaughter your family though.”

Vaquez looks at Warren, then the others. “No, he didn’t,” he says. “Not this time.”

“All right. Where’s my--Sun Mei.” I sigh, sit up.

“There is no more vaccine,” she informs me, crossing her arms.

“So?” I focus on her, yanking Winters down to his knees.

Sun Mei stares at me. “We need the vaccine. We barter, use it for medicine, help people.”

“Well, I’m sure you had extra on hand. The faucet is turned off, Sun Mei.”

She looks annoyed but nervous as disgruntled growls break out around her. I turn my head, silence with my mind. “People need you,” she says. "Any spare vaccine we had is missing."

“They have me.” I stand up, stretch out my arms. “These are my people, this is my town. We are the present, we are the future.”

“Great but we still need vaccine,” she states.

I snort. “I’ve given you plenty. No more. Use the samples you have.” I inhale. Everyone’s gazes are locked on me.  “We have a new world,” I tell them. “We will push back the zombies, establish our home, People will come to us, trade with us. We will be safe. WIth the addition of our new fighters, we will be protected. We have a chance now.”

I’m flooded with emotions, cravings, love, desperation. Then I hear muffled shouts and it pounds through my skull. They are chanting my name. It’s shooting up on heroin x100, breathing in cocaine and drinking ketamine--I suck it up, wrap myself in it. Pure sensation, liquid adrenaline. The shouts become a roar. I look around, stretch out my hands.

“We will win! We will be the shining light in the dark. The world will be ours!”

“Murphy! Murphy!”

No comparisons. I have never felt this. The chant beats in my skull, emotions lick along my scars like a lover. The air shimmers in front of me and I throw back my head. I look at the people, feeling sweat soak my stained shirt. They scream my name. I smile, know they’ll do anything. Then they kneel as one, still calling my name. I glory in it, power cascading through me.

“Murphy, don’t! Stop! Just stop!”

10K. Thomas. His shout rips through the air. How I hear it, I don’t know but I shake myself and look around, still basking in the power. Everyone is kneeling  and calling for me but the team, Sun Mei, and Winters. I glance at all of them.

They are terrified.

I look around, start sinking back into the wonder, the sheer delight, the power. Then I look again. This is so oddly familiar….

My heart almost stops. I raise my hands, the cheering dies down and people scramble to their feet. “We will win,” I repeat, softly this time, I can smell blood, feel moisture again on my face and filthy shirt. “Tonight we rest. Tomorrow at noon we will meet here again. Council, with me now.”

I send William to tell the team I’ll meet with them for breakfast, to get them rooms, food. I clean up, especially my bloody nose and chin, soak, toss back painkillers. The pain is constant. I send people on tasks, seek a doctor for Edgar.

“He’s well cared for,” she says finally with a smile for me. “The X ray shows a break but it’s been set pretty good.” She strokes his fur.

“He’ll be all right?”

“It’ll take time but he should be. He’s incredibly sore, I bet. I’ll leave you with some painkillers.” She strokes Edgar again.

“Thank you.”

She leaves and I sink into the bed. I grind the heels of my hands into my eyes. Then I call for Williams, give my orders, and flop down. I need a few hours of rest no matter what.

Edgar whimpers and I hug him. I feel my insides heaving and I use Edgar’s fur to wipe my face. He licks my chin then shakes his head. I doze with him, whispering and muttering into his ears.

I wake around midnight, run my hands along Edgar. I use the bathroom, dress. Edgar chirps. I run my hands over him again. “You need to care for them,” I tell him. He blinks, his dark amber eyes glowing. “Watch them, all right?”

He cuddles close, wrapping his legs around my neck. I bury my face in his fur. I then walk to where the team rooms are. Several of my blends guard them. I send the guards away, look down at Edgar again. I open the door silently, place Edgar inside the room and then close the door.

In five minutes,I’m in a heavily loaded truck. William appears, distress leaking from him. “I’m going to be back,” I state. “You have the new council,  I’ll radio and check in. And you have the Zeros to protect us all.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I left instructions, You’ll do fine.” I smile, start the truck. I drive away slowly, feeling a low hum, weak reflection of the ecstasy I felt before. The craving for it again starts swelling, gnawing. I lick my lips, swerve as a figure leaps towards the truck. I brake  and Doc swings into the truck.

“Whew! Where we off to?”

“Get out!”

He shifts to face me, leaning on the dash. “Look, I knew you had to be planning something weird. Especially with your fancy clothes.”

I smooth my coat. It’s long, sleek, and I look awesome in it.  “Out, Doc.”

“No way. Unless you can tell me what’s going on.”

“I think it’s obvious.”

“You want this, man!”

“I _have_ to go.” I suck in a breath. “I do want this, a lot--but I can’t. I just can’t. If I stay….” I clench the wheel. Chanting starts in my head.

“What? You’re not making any sense. You just keep running.” He lifts his head. “You run more than 10K and that’s saying something.”

“Escaping is not running away,” I state.

“Then what is it? You have power, people, hot water. What about us? You begged for this.”

“I know! I can’t. I got you all on the council. I know you have lives here. So stay. I’ll be fine.”

“What are you babbling about? Why are you doing this to 10K, us? You don’t even have Edgar.”

“For them, you! Look, you have lives here. Lives before me.”

“Why, Murphy?”

I swallow hard. “Do you know what they did for me, how they feel?” I lick my lips.

Doc leans against the dash more. “You’re a rock star.”

I shake my head. “No. More than that.” I stare into the dark. “I joked about being a messiah. I’m not a messiah--I’m their **god**.” I look at Doc. “They will do anything for me. And I want that. I want the adoration, their cheers. It’s heroin x1000.”

Doc stares at me. “So when they were cheering…”

“I was basically shooting up. And it was--indescribable.” I lick my lips again. “So good. I only stopped because 10K shrieked in my face. And all of you--those looks on your faces. Add in I know I’d rip Winters and a few researchers apart--well….” I feel myself shaking, getting hungry. The look on Doc’s face is oddly understanding and infuriatingly pitying. “Get out,” I state. “This is your home.”

“We can _help_ you.”

“I don’t need help.”

“You’re an addict, Murphy. Yeah, I can help. And I think you’re being hard on yourself.”

“You like history, Doc. You saw those people. You were terrified. Now think of World War 2.” I glare at Doc. “Think of those chants, that adoration. I am only leaving because I am hanging on by a thread. I know what I want and what I’ll do. Get out. Take care of 10K.”

Doc blinks, face slowly becoming understanding. “We--”

“Out!” I yank out my pistol. “Get out, damn it!” I feel a sob/shriek starting and I bite it back.

“Easy! I’m going, ok? Murphy, put the gun down.”

Doc slides across the seat towards the door with a weird clicking noise. He opens the door. “One more question, totally off the wall. When we found out you were alive, 10K got roaring drunk. Confessed to me he failed you, he was supposed to protect you, even in prison. ‘It was my obligation,’ he kept saying. ‘Because he was mine.’ What is he talking about?”

I lift my head. “He thinks too much.” I look at Doc closely. “Bye, Doc.”

He opens the door, slowly gets out. Then I hear the creak of the door opening behind me.  The truck is a crew cab and I twist around. 10K slips in, clenching his rifle and Edgar. “What are _you_ doing here?” I blurt as Edgar yips, his bandaged leg blinding white in the dark.

“You aren’t leaving without us.” 10K’s face is hard, old, and I see the fierce man. Far too often I see the kid. I get the serious feeling I’m going to regret that.

“10K,” I start warily.

“No! I’m supposed to protect you. You’re mine and I’m tired of being treated like a child!”

I look away, down. “All right,” I agree. “We’ll talk. “

“No talking, Murphy. This is how it is.”

“OK, jesus!” 10K is glaring when I look at him. “I said OK.” The door next to me opens. “Damn it, who…” Addy hands me Tux, climbs into the driver’s seat,shoving me to the middle. Doc gets in beside 10K in the back seat and Warren takes Doc’s spot beside me. Vasquez gets in on 10K’s other side. “What is going on?”

“You have enough for an army,” Addy says as she drives. “And what are you wearing?”

“I look great,” I say. “Why are you here?”

“Shut up, Murphy,” Warren says in an odd, kindly way. “Addy, you all right?”

“Yeah, grab some sleep. Next time, Murphy, you run in the morning.”

We don’t really talk until we’re around a fire. 10K sits beside me, tossing scraps to Tux and Edgar. “So, did Doc tell you?” Vasquez asks me.

“Huh?”

‘I had the radio turned on,” Doc admits. "The CB? In the truck?"

“Are you serious?!” I blurt. “That was the clicking?”

“They thought I was the best to talk to you.”

“We heard it all,” Addy says. “The power lust addiction. I’m impressed you left.”

I glare. “You really felt them?” Warren asks.

“Yes, I feel my blends,” I snap. “They adore me,”

”Easy, tiger,” Warren replies. “I understand what you did. Surprised but I understand.”

I eye her but say nothing more.  We head for bed save Doc, who has first watch, but 10K grabs my hand, drags me behind the house into a grove of trees. The night wind ruffles his hair and the moonlight makes his pale skin glow but his eyes… “What...” I start.

Calloused hands grip me hard, shove me against a tree. Twigs fall around us. ” What are you thinking?” he growls, low, deep. I blink. “You said you love me but run off every chance you get!”

“You know why,” I reply, shifting under his grip. “I didn’t do it to hurt…” I stop. 10K glares at me a lot but this isn’t a normal glare. “Thomas…”

The kiss is brutal, punishing, and enraged. He’s a good three inches shorter and lighter built than me but he’s adrenaline pumped, pissed off, and part of me quakes.  I press against the tree, almost bare my throat. Instead, I shove at him. It’s like shoving a tree trunk. I change tactics. He wants rough, all right. I yank him closer, shove my tongue in his mouth. I feel him smile. He pulls his mouth from mine, sinks his teeth into the flesh just above my collarbone. “Fuck!” My heart thunders in my ears and my blood is rushing south. Except the blood now trickling down my chest. He twists me around, I grab the tree, and it’s the prison yard all over again except I’m moaning in a mix of pain and pleasure.

“Only me,” he grunts into my ear as his nails dig into my hips.

“Like I’d let anyone else do this,” I whisper. He shoves hard, deep, and I scramble to grab the tree. His hand wraps around my cock and I press my head against the the bark. “Remember payback is a .. god! He hits my prostate again and again and I’m a moaning sticky mess by the time he comes. I jerk up my pants, turn to him. His frantic, sweaty face makes me pull him in and kiss him. “It’s all right,” I whisper.

“We stick together,” he demands.

“Deal.”

He buries his head in my neck. I stroke his hair. “We need a plan,” he finally says.

“Hmm?”

Lifting his head, he slides his hands over the sides of my face, over my jaws, my cheeks. “I won’t promise I won’t leave you,” he whispers and my heart stutters. “I can promise that if I ever leave you, you’ll know. I mean, I’ll tell you. I’ll never disappear on you. Well, unless I’m kidnapped. And if that happens, I'll try to find you again. You’ll never wake up and discover I took off, ok?”

“Fne,” I grunt.

“No such thing as forever, Murph.”

_It’s how long I’ll love you._

Yeah, it’s the sentiment of a 15 year old but it’s how I feel. He must sense something because his fingers tremble. “Murphy….”

“I love you,” I blurt. “I shouldn’t, not like I do, I don’t know if you care for me or not.” I falter, shiver. I’m exposing myself, ripping open my chest. “You’re a shining spot in my life.”

Moist eyes meet mine. He pulls me down to him, kisses me. Then he leans against my chest. “Love you too,” he breathes.

I don’t know if I believe him. I don’t care. It’s simply good to hear. We go to our shared bed. I sleep fairly well, only jerking awake once. Breakfast is quick. “What are we looking for?’” Warren asks me.

“I had a dream. Large brick house, woods nearby. Large stream or small river and solar panels. Kind of felt like there was a town nearby. Windmill, outbuildings. Even dreamed up some deer and rabbits. Something like that.”

The stares make me stiffen. “10K did you tell him?” Addy asks.

“No, I never mentioned it,” 10K stammers.

“What?” I ask.

“A house in Colorado,” Doc says. “We went up there.”

Warren is getting to her feet, hand sliding to her gun. “Did you bite 10K?” she asks in a low, icy voice.

“Not without invitation,” I retort.

“10K, strip,” Warren orders.

“What?” he exclaims.

“10K is a blend?” Addy asks.

“No,” 10K snaps. He swallows. “Am I?” I look at him, at the accusing stares and I stand up.

“I didn’t bite him!”

“But you two have sex,” Vasquez groans. “I warned you all. I told you. It’s in his blood, his saliva, and I’m pretty sure in his semen.You weren’t a blend, kid, but you are now. Murphy’s a walking toxic dump.”

“10K isn’t a blend,” Doc states.

“It would explain why the z bite he got didn’t take.”

“What?” I ask.

“He almost died,” Doc shouts.

“Order me,” 10K states. I look at him. “Control me if you can.”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Just do it.” He steps next to me. “Order me.”

“I’m not..”

The punch send me stumbling away. “DO it! “ he shouts. I flinch back, rubbing my jaw. He said he loved me just several hours ago. _En amour, il y a toujours celui qui donne les baisers et celui qui tend la joue._ My mother’s words ring through my head, sharp and bright like glinting knives.

He suddenly stops, pales. He stretches out his hand. “You’re not a blend,” Doc states. “Think! Have you have ever heard any of Murphy’s orders to his blends?”

10K looks at Doc then me. He shakes his head, color flooding his face. I look away, touch my jaw. “He’s right,” Addy states. “But then how’d he know of the house?”

“What’s _‘En amour, il y a toujours celui qui donne les baisers et celui qui tend la joue?’_ mean?” 10K stammers. He slaughters the words but I understand him.

“You read thoughts?” I ask. “We’re connected?”

“”Obviously somehow.” Vasquez walks to me.

Warren tilts her head. “ _‘En amour, il y a toujours celui qui donne les baisers et celui qui tend la joue?’_ You speak French?”

“A little,” I say. I roll my eyes at their shocked looks.

“What’s it mean?” 10K asks me, touching my arm. He jerks away as I inadvertently flinch. “I’m sorry, I panicked, I shouldn’t have.”

“But you did,” I snap, grabbing rage. It’s a familiar emotion and covers the hurt nicely. “Everyone’s favorite punching bag, that’s me.”

Shame fills his face. “Get in the car,” Warren sighs.

“Not going to shoot me?” I sneer.

“Tempting but no. Come on.”

I snort, pick up Edgar, and stalk to the car. 10K presses next to me. I turn away from him. I stare out the window, ignoring everyone. Only Edgar gets my attention. And Tux, who pushes next to Edgar. I pet them slowly. The landscape changes to become a little more green. There's a dull ache in my skull. Grief, shame despair. I close my eyes.

“In love, there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek.” I turn my head. The truck is stopped, it’s mid afternoon. Doc is watching me. He’s the only one in the car.  “I know that saying,” he adds. “It may come as a shock but 10K loves you. You’re not the only one hurting, Murph.”

“So when did I last hit him?” I snap.

“He didn’t want to become like Cassandra. Look. you seem to think you’re the only one who cares for you. You’re not. We think of you. I get you haven’t had that a lot.” He clasps my shoulder. “And I told 10K he needs to not hurt you. Like you asked.”

“What? When?”

“You asked if I gave him the don’t hurt him speech. Well, I did. Right after you got out.”

From the corner of me eye, I see 10K approaching. I grumble, look away. Doc gestures for me to get out of the truck. 10K instantly looks in my eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says, face red, voice low. “I was wrong.”

It’s awkward and silent. When he goes to hug me, I step aside but then embrace him myself.  He squeezes me tight. “Partners?” he asks. His voice wobbles.

“Yeah.” Relief washes through me. I can forgive the punch. And if it brings us closer, that'll be worth it. Besides, it's hardly the first time I've been punched. 10K smiles and I realized he was terrified to lose me. I feel myself grinning.

In the truck late that night, Vasquez and I are the only ones awake. He drives. “Why didn’t you kill Escorpion?” I finally ask, bored with staring into the dark. “You had the perfect chance.”

He looks at me in the rearview mirror. “I was going to,” he replies finally. “Then I remembered the look in your eyes when you killed those two men who hurt Edgar. You didn’t hesitate. And it was easy for you.” I nod. “No one should kill that easily.”

“I’d do it again.”

“And that scares me to death. Christ, Murphy.”

“He’s my _friend_.”'

"They were people."

"No regrets," I say. "They attacked the helpless. Some people deserve to die."

He swallows hard, glances at me again. We don't say anything else.

 


End file.
